LDSAR.org Posts

Difference

5/19/2012 6:10:17 PM

As always I cherish advice from Maddy and Angel. Moroni. My wife lives apart from us and my children know we may never get back together. I can't make her be part of their lives. What benefit would a divorce have? She is not in my house and my kids are not caught in the middle of fighting. They know I love them and will never leave them. I cannot do more. I love how it was said about doing things out if love. As long as she wants to try, I cannot do less.

True love

5/19/2012 1:53:48 PM

I so agree with Angel and Hurt and Fatherofone - As you work on you and your relationship with Heavenly Father, everything else will fall into place. I once felt disgusted by my husband too. I don't know what is going to happen in your story, but I do know that miracles happen and that if you do your best then God will take care of you perfectly. If she is willing to do 12 steps that is huge, but at the end of the day the best way you can help her heal is by letting the Savior heal you.

Having Faith

5/19/2012 12:42:07 AM

Means we focus on the savior and utilize His Atonement. We don't get to know how it all works out in the end, we just know that it will.

Nothing done with love in your heart is ever wrong. We will never be faulted for anything when we love openly and fully.

Your journey includes your wife. She came to this life to teach you and your children so much. I have come to see my wayward loved ones in a new light. Perhaps in the pre-life your wife chose to come here and take a hi...

Wow

5/18/2012 9:18:36 PM

How I long to be forgiven by my ex wife and her family and my children. I pray and hope for the day.

moroni.. relax

5/18/2012 7:40:57 PM

You are making assumptions based on limited details. Relationships with affairs are not all doomed. Marriages that survive infidelity happen all the time and can be stronger. This is why we share our own experiences and show compassion on these forums.

John07. I hope it works out for you and you find peace.

No Offense Intended

5/18/2012 6:02:58 PM

But your blinded by a love that no longer exist. Your wife has told you that, she said she's not attracted to you, but you want something that can't be.

my prayers go to your children, who will no doubt be affecte the most from the turmoil you and your wife are putting them through.

Update number 2

5/18/2012 4:07:17 PM

So, My wife called today and told me there was no attraction left and in fact what she feels is fear and disgust and can never imagine us together again, but agreed to go to 12 step and to work on the support manual for spouses and family. I went to the site for the "Helping her heal" and saw the cost. It seemed quite expensive. I had to step back and think what is this amount of money? I then thought to myself "hmmm...what am I willing to spend to save my marriage?" The cost is small in co...

this life

5/18/2012 3:12:41 PM

As elder faust said "We are in this life for the spirit to gain control over the body rather than the other way around"
and my addition is not the final state and change is always possible.

You're sweet, Maddy

5/18/2012 11:40:54 AM

That is an amazing testimony, Maddy. You mentioned before feeling gratitude for this trial. I can't imagine ever feeling grateful for this trial. I mean, for whatever good I gain from it, I have still lost so much. I admire that you have taken something so ugly and found a way to turn it for your good.

Reminds me of the Proclamation

5/18/2012 9:38:04 AM

"Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."

Everything mentioned above is required for a successful, happy, strong marriage. Lot's of marriages in the Church work together; they participate in recreational activities; they respect and even love each other; they may pray together daily. But that's only half of the ingredients. I bet ...

Helping Her Heal, Fear, & The Atonement

5/18/2012 7:31:34 AM

Please look into the CD Helping Her Heal by Dr. Douglas Weiss. Please visit the website heart2heartcounseling.com . Dr. W made this CD based upon 25 years of discussions with the wives of men who have porn and sex addictions. He is very good a driving home what we have experienced, and what our husband's addictions have meant to us. He explains PTSD, and how to help your wife through the healing process. This was a very powerful tool in my husband's recovery kit and started him on the road to re...

My Two Cents

5/18/2012 3:05:14 AM

As somebody who is going through some struggles with my wife (no where near what you are, but hopefully I can still contribute), I am coming to learn that you can't fight for your relationship by yourself. It's a delicate balance between knowing when to say "I love you. I'm sorry. I want us to get through this." and when to just keep your big yap shut. :) As somebody who struggles with the latter, I have found the most success in reminding her that I love her, and that I am here when she's ready...

it was called

5/18/2012 2:56:15 AM

"looking for some insight" you said that your wife told you that it wast all your fault and that it stemmmed from you. That gave you some power, and she didn't like that, it made her mad. She doesn't like that because she knows that she is the one that made the true betrayl. She committed adultery and denied the Holy Ghost by rejecting her garments. She has some serious punishment from the church and she knows it.

I hope you do what's best for your kids first, and not what you think i...

As a son of divorced Parents

5/18/2012 2:51:49 AM

I have a different outlook on things. My parents divorced. Yes that sucked but I was too young to understand why. They simply said they had differences that could not be worked out, but what I do know is that they were loyal to each other and did the best they could to make it work. I'm sorry but what your wife did was unacceptable and wrong, there are no excuses. She did one of the worst sins and on so many levels. You and especially your kids deserve better. If I were one of your kids and grew...

@HurtAllOver I'm currently working on a Masters in Neuroscience, and...

5/18/2012 2:51:41 AM

You're bang on with some of the neuroscience involved in addiction. There's a big nature vs nurture aspect to it. We are genetically predisposed to have certain parts of our brain be more plastic (or reactive to external stimuli) than others. This leads to a more "addictive personality" in some people.

Where I think some people do themselves a disservice is when they say "that's how my brain works, and it will be that way my whole life." That is not how the brain works at all! Neurop...

That's my favorite Jesus quote!

5/18/2012 12:08:58 AM

"I never said it would be easy. I only said it would be worth it."

I hear that all the time in Church, but no one seems to know where it comes from. Does anyone here know when and where Jesus said that?

Update

5/17/2012 9:56:07 PM

Well, she emailed and texted and called me today. She apologized and said she did not know why she reacted the way she did. I think that she was being influenced by the enemy of our souls and that is a sign that I need to stay clean, press forward, and let the lord take me the rest of the way and rest in his peace. It is so hard for me to do, but I will keep trying until I get it right. I am now 191 days sober. I am slowly recovering and I hope to keep going that direction. Sometimes I ju...

BECLEAN

5/17/2012 5:40:41 PM

An excellent point and very good counsel.
Thanks!

There's ALOT your CAN do.

5/17/2012 3:49:50 PM

You can commit to working on your recovery and making that your number one priority. I like what hurtallover said. He's right. We can't control anything with our relationships. (That's a hard thing to accept) But when we surrender and turn the things we can't control over to Heavenly Father and just get to work on earnestly working the 12 Steps with a sponsor, getting to lots of meetings, etc. all the other impossible things in our lives seem to fall into place. That doesn't mean she will start ...

I feel for you...

5/17/2012 8:37:29 AM

I know how bad you want to put all the pieces back together. You might be willing to do your part no matter what it takes. You are probably like some of us have an inate ability to manipulate situations not out of malice but instinct.

I was the same way and I still am much of the time. *sigh*. Why cant she see that I'm working on it? Why cant she see the improvements I can see? Why wont she go to COSA meetings and learn to heal from the experts? Why do I always suspect she is planni...