Step 3 (recovery manual) Long but please read my first paragraph at least
By they speak
11/24/2010 7:52:27 PM
I need help on this one. Any veteran recovering addicts who know stong sobriety by means of the 12 and have seen the pit as I have and feel they can help please feel free to do so. You know who you are.

In harmony with the will of God (2 Nephi 10:24)
• Consider what it means to live your life in harmony with the will of God. Think about how His enabling power can come into your life as you turn to Him. How do you feel about letting God direct your life?
To be happy. I’m finding this entailes a measure of suffering. Sometimes the cost of suffering is pleasure. As endured however, my joy, peace and happiness are increased. I genuinely don’t know all it means or takes to vbe happy but I think it comes when I find myself in harmony with nature, the Spirit, the flow of energy that moves thru all things. Simplicity. Few distractions. Living in the moment. Awarness. I think I feel good about letting God direct my life when considering these things.
• What prevents you from allowing Him to direct your life?
Befor I attempt allowing Him the fear of failure prevents me. That He’ll let me down. That I wan’t be perfect. After I attempt the desire for pleasure and speed and chaos. The desire to not be aware, present, live feelingly, in the moment. I want to be distracted! Getting uncomfortable with peace and light. A nameless desire. A need….un-namable…?
Submitting to the will of God (Mosiah 24:15)
• The Lord could have removed the burdens of Alma and his people; instead, He strengthened them to bear “their burdens with ease.” Notice that they did not complain but submitted cheerfully and patiently to the will of the Lord. Write about the humility it takes to want immediate relief and yet be willing to have a burden lightened gradually.
Again life is suffering. I get this theme out of my head. I think the dey is to find meaning in it. I think its quintessestialy addict behavior that want’s an emmediat fix. The entir world of existence is a testament to the fact that few is anything is such. Look at the cosmos! That’s the flow of nature, the Light of Christ that I need to be willing to suffer humbly…slow, mild, but happy. I don’t know. Seeking my addictions is an attempt to fix things quicker then God or that don’t need fixing.
• What does it mean to submit to God? How do you submit?
I think for me it’s finally after all my wicked experience accepting that His way is better even when it hurts. Realizing im not that smart. Im a terrible manager of my life. Having my cup empty conjuring up no saving technieqes of my own however noble and trusting Him. Trusting what I can’t see and what hasn’t happened yet. I think of how one is submitted in a fight. I thought I was a pretty intelligent fighter. I’ve been submitted by satan over and satan and ironically it forces me to turn to God and except my foolishness. In a way satan has submitted me for God. Ha! I bet that really chaps ol Lucifers hide!..but he sure has kick the shit out of me…I guess he probly enjoys that.
• How do you feel about submitting willingly and with patience to the Lord’s timetable of change?
Probably not very good. Better then I used to. Do I have a choice? Ha! It just sucks cause I hate slips and relapses!!! Am I suppose to have them??? Is that just a matter of accepting the Lords time table? Or am I missing something??? I feel like Im just left to white knuckle it sometimes…which inevitably leads to a fall. Am I suppose to endure it better? Because it’s the Lords time table??? Cause that just seems like more white knuckling which doesn’t work. I don’t get it?
• How can you gain the courage to keep trying until you are free of your burdens?
The only way I feel like Im learning to know how is to trust Him thru slips, relaps and imperfection. I don’t get that!?? How is that okay? Yet its all I know how to do right now at this point.
Fasting and prayer (Helaman 3:35)
• This verse describes a people who yielded their hearts to God. How can fasting strengthen your ability to yield your heart to God and abstain from addiction?
Its like a concentrated experience in overcoming the flesh. Yet, I have done lots of fasting. I’ve fasted 7 days like king David water only. I’ve fasted (or cleansed what ever you want to call it) with juice only for 40 days more then once. They were the most spiritual experiences of my life and although they were wonderful experiences of themselves for some reason I can’t seem to take what liearn and put it inot general daily practice. Especially with my addiction!..i suppose my fasting experiences have yet been sucked dry of all they have yet to teach me though. Daily I still reference them for wisdom. The main thing thng I’ve learned is that we are suppose to suffer. When life is simple, life is manageable. But that’s about all I can come up with sometimes. I mean obviously there is the monthly fasts and I need to get more consistent with them but man. Fasting seems to the only time im Cody and not my dark passanger. My wife says when I do I become perfect (which pisses me off cause im a devil!). And its not because I try or am forcing because I know generally what a dick I am. Its just sincer uninterrupted flow of…God? Its transparent and easily transmitted to others. My mom can tell as soon as I walk in a room if that’s where im at. I don’t get it. I love myself. I love God. I know im loved by God and I hear His voice in everything and see His finger print everywhere! Geez…who is that guy (fasting Cody)? But then after a week or a month or so…I can tell im forgetting and cant force myself to remember and soon enough in pops this imposter that I cannot repress or have been unable to thus far!!!..and it is the cause for remorse and anguish that reverberates thru out the eternities. I can’t just fast and fast and fast…or can I?


Step 3 (recovery manual)    
"• Consider the importance of praying in the moment of temptation, and write about how prayer will strengthen your humility and your faith in Christ.
I’ve seen it work. A lot in fact. Especially over the last 3 months. It works either by changing my desires or intervention via a person place ting or event. I deffinetly haven’t been perfect. But I wonder if that s not because I quit praying? This all strengthens my tiny growing faith in Christ. Lattely, and this is terrible, I’ll stop praying on perpose because I believe it will work. So I guess I need to work on the humility side of strengthening. I suppose it can be strengthened beause check out how much this Guy likes me anyway even when I’m an idiot? I mean I’d have to be a real jerk to sell out.
• How strong is your willingness to yield your heart to God instead of yielding to addiction in the moment of temptation.
Not very. Duh. I guess it’s growing. Up and down. Relaps kills me! I hate it! Sometimes its weeks before even realize how bad I’ve hurt my own feelings with a relaps and how guarded I am about trying again. And it makes me want to withdraw and floundering tattered faith I have left and screw it all and move to the Alaskan tundra never to been seen again by anyone.
Humbling yourself before God (Mosiah 29:20)
• What keeps you from “crying mightily” to God for deliverance according to His will?
I hate suffering. I live in denial over it. LIFE IS SUFFERING. I fight this fact. Well, I’m growing to except this a fact. Fasting, Vicktor Frankle, Jesus Christ, the fall, the first of the four noble truths of Buddhism, and most important my own experience, all teach me that this is true. I feel like God, if I turn to Him, lets me suffer that I may learn. What? Well God knows. Anyway lately sometimes this has kept me from praying because I want to avoid the pressure I know I’ll find in repentance and abstinence. But then I think “is this just more white knuckling???” My knee jerk answer is no. Because you’re relying on God not yourself to see you thru and trusting He will deliver you when you are ready! When I start to worry about my suffering and how Ill be delivered I start to lose trust and start imperceptibly and unwittingly trusting that perhaps I have a better idea. Well I never would have supposed. Empty that cup! Oh wow that just came to me! Bam! Revelation! That’s trust!!! That’s what I’ve been looking for. But the question remains…am I willing to suffer? I’m afraid.
• What has kept you from seeking this kind of deliverance in the past?
I just answered that. Also im unclear on what I want and thus struggle with commiting myself to God and the suffering I’ll surly find in my devine adventure. Solution: appraise you’re experience having not trusted yourself to God. Honestly, what do you have to lose??? Yourself ? you suck anyway ya sell out bastard!
• In what ways can you learn to trust in God?
I just answered that. Weird how these question flow. I always feel like im coming to some grandious conclution and BAM next question was one step ahead of me.
Experiment. See if He’s relyable. Find out what “relyable” means to you. Again take account of where not trust God got you. Maybe write down what not trusting God looked like so you can have it clear in your mind so as not to repeat it and then not reap the whirl winds. Trace the cause of you effect.
• To humble yourself is a decision you make. Satan may try to get you to believe that although God helped others, He won’t help you because you are helpless and hopelss. Recognize this lie for what it is. In truth, you are a child of God. How can this knowledge help you humble yourself?
I honestly don’t know. I’ve always heard the “you are a child of God” rhetoric and never felt like that concept realy resonated with me. Not that its untrue it just seemingly had no effect on me. Like “meh, okay.”. I don’t feel anything either way. I suppose after I’ve studied the scriptures of basket in the Light of Christ I get a hint of that idea. But those seem to be different feeling aside from the idea itself. I can’t really put my finger on it. I don’t feel like the idea of an anthropomorphic tangible Heavenly Parent really helps me. Perhaps it has started to?? But only as the spirit has guided me thru experience and the accomaning feeling that some kinda Supreme Being likes me, not because I conceive in my mind or heart that im a Child of God. Maybe beause my dad spiritually killed himself and God killed my Grandpa who steped in and my mom couldn’t be around all at a young age im kind of like the men in the cave in Plato’s The Cave. My eyes only see according to cave I was thrust into…im getting hints I suppose."
posted at 19:53:43 on November 24, 2010 by they speak
Step 3 (recovery manual)    
"The choice to begin recovery (Alma 7:23)
• Step 3 is a choice. Recovery happens by God’s power but only after you choose to seek His help. Your decisions opens the channels for His power to flow into your life. Consider how humility, patience, gentleness, and so on are all choices. The last quality listed in the scripture is gratitude. How does gratitude help you be humble?
My mind just got blown to smithereens. Don’t confuse choice with ability/power!!! Choice proceeds POWER! If you’re struggling perhaps its not always that you must suffer but that you haven’t dicided! Trust! Absolutly expect His power once you choose. Beautiful! Those are my feelings now. We’ll see tomorrow. Choose humility but leace it to God. Choose patience but leave it to God to perform thru His power! What a stress relief!!!!!!
• What other qualities did Alma include in this list?
• Which of these qualities do you lack?
All of them except asking God for whatsoever I stand in need. Pff.
• Which ones can you work on today? What can you do now to start?
I don’t know, even though I hate it, I think fasting has taught me a lot about long suffering. Plus addiction just sucks hellishly and is a little dose of suffering so maybe by default of my experience and life I can work at going long at it. Long suffering.
Becoming as a child (Mosiah 3:19)
• Many of us experienced unloving treatment from parents or quardians, and becoming “as a child” is challenging, maybe even terrifying. If you have unresolved problems with a parent, what can you do to separate your feelings about your parent from your feelings about God?
Again The Cave. I never knew what it was like to be a child completely. I had to be my mom’s rock…even though I sucked at it. So I guess just acclimating to it. Learning what it’s like…by degree’s. Try to get to know God. I don’t know my dad.
• Although you may have problems to resolve with your earthly parents, you can have confidence in Heavenly Father and the Savior as perfect fathers. Why can you trust Heavenly Father and Savior as you submit your life to Them?
Because the alternative (trusting myself) sucks. Again I have nothing to lose. Honestly, aside from that as far as any desired outcome is concerned I see no reason to trust that They will help with a desired outcome…Which is why I think we try, or the point of, putting our trust in Them..? Maybe I’m missing something? But few things in my life turn out how I envisioned. Join the club right? As an inactive 12 year old know nothing I cryed to a bishop now that I’ve done such and such a thing I’ll never be an apostle. I didn’t want to the glories and recognition of an apostle but I wanted to know what they knew…and that was the only way I knew of to do it at the time. Ha!!! I had vision alright. But can I trust that to God? Why bother having an idea of how things should turn out? So for now I’m just trying to trust Them and whatever outcome They see fit…Which for now I guess I’m forced to suppose that what they see fit is whatever happens…I guess??
Communing with God (Luke 22:41-42)
• In this prayer, the Savior demonstrated His willingness to submit to the Father. He expressed His desires but then humbly did the will of His Father. Consider the blessing of being able to tell God your feelings. How does knowing that He understands your reluctance, your pain, or whatever you feel help you say, “Thy will be done,” and mean it?
I guess it helps me trust, provided the Spirit makes it come alive, to know that He can inflict nothing on me that He can’t inflict upon Himself."
posted at 19:54:20 on November 24, 2010 by they speak
"Not to come down on you dude. But I kinda feel like you are overthinking it. In my opinion the first three steps are dailys. You have to try to trust god every day, it doesn't mean you always wil, but you have to try.

The way I do it is when I pray I tell God I don't have hope, knowledge or enough willingness, but that is what I want to have. I ask for it, then I try to remember that promise throughout the day.

To me this semi-active or active commitment means that step 1-3 is "done" and that its time to get to work (4-9 are the work steps). Obviously you still have to do it, but I don't think step 1-3 is ever really just done.

Just my thoughts on it."
posted at 13:36:24 on December 6, 2010 by Preemie

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