The truth is
By They Speak
10/19/2010 12:26:57 AM
...i dont trust God. I told Him tonight in my one of my characteristically rated R "prayers" that I'm in the market for a God I can trust. I don't care if it's satan himself. I'm open. I just want objective consistent reliability. I'm tired of what I thought was a working surrender, or the like, one day turning into a worthless rainbow chase the next ending in my own utter discombobulating failure! I find no God I can trust in that. I know I'm projecting my own inconsistencey. I am built on the sand. But how can it be other wise?! Find me a man built upon the rock?! What does it look like?? What does it look like to not have your faith/trust blasted to hell every time you think you have the ball rolling; every time you think you understand "ask and ye shall receive" or other promises that prove at times an all but total waist of effort? A God I can trust would be reliable taking into account my total and complete worthless incompetence...not just be reliable when things are going well...not just when I seem to be bangin on all cylinders. Yet, the God im familiar with only seems to work with me on such terms.

I'm in my car in my garage...ready to rock. The brew, it seems is a trust worthy god. At least I know exactly what I'm getting with the drink. A good reprieve from the endless torment of a conscience inculcated and ravished by the vexation of lust, or the resistance of it, if nothing more. Works like a charm. Everytime. Why can't the Hebrew God?

O God, where art Thou?


Come on SPEAK!!    
"Just like ELder Scott said, it Is not that hard. Satan wants you to believe it is. Christ did it all for us. Just make a big pile Or a boat load if you need and put it in your Jesus box or land fill or what ever image you need. Give it all to HIM!!!!"
posted at 00:56:17 on October 19, 2010 by Byourownhero
Are you willing to do a strange task?    
"Get a pen out and clear your mind of everything you've ever been told or ever learned or unlearned about God. Now write down on paper what God would look like if you could invent Him. Write down the qualities you would need Him to have for Him to be acceptable to you. Just YOU. But be specific and completely exhaustive. Then get back with me. Or go drink. Just don't kill anyone, please."
posted at 01:02:48 on October 19, 2010 by Anonymous
Dude I love you man    
I do not understand one thing you wrote here other than Oh GOD Where Art Thou.
I think he is not going to manifest himself while you have your other God in your hands.
Dude seriously, it does not work like that, and you know that so don't kid yourself.
Recovery from my experience has been the hardest thing to face but he HAS strengthened me more than I could ever have imagined. Ask yourself why he is not doing the same, I bet he is and you do not recognise it because your mind seems elsewhere here.
Focus brother He is there and you need to give him your will, that is the only thing we can give him as we learn in step 3.

Let him lead you, doing so will expose your other God as a BLOODY WASTE OF TIME!!!"
posted at 09:29:47 on October 19, 2010 by ruggaexpat
Sorry mate have to add more    
"Answer this one:

What is the "God in a can" doing for your family? Sweet bugger all that is the truth.
You see the truth is God Lives and Christ is there as your Lord and savior. He is the God that has made sacred promises to your dear wife who is hurting so badly while you sit in silence numbing your pain. Alcohol does squat for you because if it really did would you be here with us on this site?

Stop using the can to drown your sorrows and use it to flush that other God down where all the other crap "lies" where it belongs.

That my brother is the real truth!"
posted at 09:40:43 on October 19, 2010 by ruggaexpat
Oh I get it    
"What I was saying is at least I know what the results of drinking are, good and bad. I know what to expect. I can trust it.

With God sometimes I feel like exercising faith for some desired out come is just a hilarious sadistic joke...if it's only ment for winning (and with porn and such we're expected not to ever lose right? at least if we want a temple recommend and a happy wife).

But I've been thinking since last night. In sports just because you lose doesn't mean the rules have changed or that God has switched up the program on you and you don't lose faith in Him or the game. You keep playing.

I dont understand it. But you keep playing. The losses inspite of my smidginous exercise of faith will make sense someday. But I keep playing.

Anon funny you mention that cause as I was writing a few tids on what I thought a God I could trust would be like your idea semi flashed before my mind. You gave the flash some workable parameters. I'll return and report.

p.s. I knew God lived in my "liberty" moment. I went inside and went to bed."
posted at 10:38:34 on October 19, 2010 by They Speak
Like I said I love you bro    
"When I write to you I write to myself too.
I am really hard on myself now, there is just no space in my life for anything other than Gods will. His will is take care of the family, zion and myself.
Glad we can exchange Cody. Thought for a second you were heading downhill fast."
posted at 11:29:31 on October 19, 2010 by ruggaexpat
Ha! Not so fast there    
"...i seem to always be at the perpetual precipice of down hill fast ;)"
posted at 11:47:39 on October 19, 2010 by They Speak
Ok then ...    
"Go to hell! ;)"
posted at 13:15:03 on October 19, 2010 by ruggaexpat
Keep Playing    
"I love that analogy....Glad to hear you are still playing the game. WHEW! You had me worried. If I had a liberty bell I would ring it!!!! You are so amazingly smart and intuitive. The Lord needs you bad and so do we."
posted at 14:31:33 on October 19, 2010 by BYOUROWNHERO
Glad you made it, theyspeak!    
"I was half-asleep when I read your post last night, and around lunch time today, the thought occured to me, "Oh no! Was he in the garage thinking about killing himself and I just misunderstood?"!!!

Glad you are on higher ground, my friend. I enjoy having you around."
posted at 17:31:42 on October 19, 2010 by Anonymous

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