By helpme
7/11/2010 11:12:07 PM
I am so selfish. How could I give in? I have been doing so well and I am so so angry. I got my temple recommand back and everything!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO SELFISH? I am so digested with myself. How could I do this to the Lord? How could I back out on him? Ignoring the holy ghost and go through with it? I thought I was doing so good this time. I was so so extremely happy to attend the temple after not going for a year and here I am again. I feel like I have no one to turn to- before I had a loving boyfriend who was there to lift me up everytime I fell and now he is gone. I feel so stupid. Sorry but I really need some help, need some lifting up, I can't tell my family, they were so happy for me and all my progression. I need help, someone pleae- anybody?


Sorry, me again    
"Sorry to be so negative. I know I can do this. I just am so mad at myself. Thanks for everyhting."
posted at 23:16:08 on July 11, 2010 by helpme
I Understand    
"I am finding this site for the first time. After speaking with a loving bishop two weeks ago about my problem I discovered that I have more than a problem. I have an addiction. My bishop said this can be the end. Leave the sin in my office. I did or so I thought. When I felt peace from the savior again enter my heart I was less careful about my people, places, and things. After relapsing I felt disgusted with my self. How could my Father in Heaven still love someone like me? He does. And He lives you. Your worth as his child is eternal. It is our worthiness that changes. Satan delights when we engage in self loathing behavior and self talk. Sometimes I think that we punish ourselves to releive the guilt accompanied with sin. It is for the Lord to be our judge and determine our consequences. Lashing ourselves is not repentance."
posted at 03:06:57 on July 12, 2010 by Anonymous
We are here for you.    
"Helpme you can do it.Do you remember the poem the race? It's all about getting up each time you fall. And when the one who fell some many times in the race finally crossed the finish line the crowd cheered more for (him or) her than the person that won the race, because she didn't quit.

I am so glad I found you post I to am suffering because I slipped, I have a meeting with the Bishop to night and a I am scared of the outcome. If I weigh up all the good I am doing against this little slip I had I am still progressing and trying my best. I am going to Bishop to draw in the atonement. I am feeling frustrated and upset with myself for letting my mind wonder into unsafe paths again, but I remembered this path was not the answer to my problems and quickly walked away. . . but I feel so scared and that I have to go back to the Bishop again. I totally agree with I_understand."
posted at 14:46:42 on July 12, 2010 by Another_Dad
Recovery is a process    
"You sound like you're actually doing well, HELPME. I wouldn't worry about having a relapse, there's nothing we can do to change the past. Just try to make the best of the day you've been given by the Lord. I know He wants us to succeed and be happy.

You can do this! Reading your last couple posts has actually been encouraging for me. I'm in a similar situation with my addiction, except I haven't been to the temple since February. I do find it interesting that some Bishops react differently than others. I have chosen of myself to not go to the temple because I would like a little more breathing room from my addiction than a week or two before I feel worthy to go there, but neither of my Bishops have ever taken my recommend.

Anyways, you were clean long enough to get your recommend back, so you can be clean long enough to do that again. It's not impossible.

I'll keep you in my prayers."
posted at 16:52:25 on July 12, 2010 by ETTE
"Helpme, all I read in your blog is pure success. How many days clean were you? 100? 200? If so, you are now 200-1. You have done awesome. So you lost one game, one day. So what. Get back on your feet and keep going. Recommit yourself. Put God first in every way. Get back to your sincere scripture study and prayer. Do another 200, then 400. You can do it!"
posted at 17:23:59 on July 12, 2010 by BeClean
One more thought    
"I want to add, Helpme, that I understand how you feel. Satan definitely wants you to get down and depressed and beat yourself up over this. You know you did wrong; you know you were selfish. All of that is right...but we all make mistakes and act foolishly every now and then. So, I think you should tell Satan to get lost and let this one go. Get back to serving God with all your heart, keep working the 12 steps, and this will soon be a little blip on the radar."
posted at 18:10:32 on July 12, 2010 by BeClean
Clean or not clean?    
"I don't know how you are supposed to measure but I have not had a bad relaspe for 100 days. Due to certain things happening in my life I chose to wonder in my mind while using the computer /iPhone the other day; but I stopped and removed myself from the situation. I discussed it with my wife and I am seeing the Bishop tonight which scare me, greatly. I just don't want to go backwards. I need words of encouragement to get me through this; I am on the verge of tears everytime I think about it."
posted at 22:17:17 on July 12, 2010 by Another_Dad
"For me, a relapse is masturbation or viewing pornography. We can't help thoughts that invade our minds sometimes. My sponsor said, "You can't keep the birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from making a nest in your hair." 100 days is great. The bishop is there to serve YOU, not the other way around. He is there to make you feel better about the inevitable stuggles of life. Also, I really hope they get you one of those sleep apnea masks and I hope it works. It did wonders for my friend. Also, you don't have to go into gory detail with the bishop. You can simply disclose the nature of your struggles, if that is easier. e.g. "I am having a problem with immoral thoughts." As you gain a repoire with him, you may decide you need to disclose more or not. Good luck and please know that you are not alone. Heavenly Father holds addicts and their families in the palm of His hand."
posted at 22:28:49 on July 12, 2010 by Anonymous
"You are in my prayers HELPME and AnotherDad. Have any of you tried therapy through LDS family services? If so, what was your experience. I am considering adding therapy to my arsenal. Satan has fiery darts, lets shoot right back at him."
posted at 01:34:44 on July 13, 2010 by determined
I am the wife of the sexual addict-I miss my husband-even when he is with me.    
"The addiction is like a third party in our relationship. Though he may abstain from acting out sexually, he switches to food, Anger, spending. He has learned to be more in the moment when we share the specialness as a husband and wife-I can tell the difference when he is able to be with me-With Just Me-he is beginning to prefer our healthier way. It is tempting for me to be sexual without him because I miss him so much, I feel so lonely-but I just end up crying and feeling worse-I love and want only him. The anger is the biggest threat to both our recovery-it has caused me to physically and emtionally react to him due to the unprdictability of what will trigger him. Te 12 step program gives me hope and I have a love and testimony of its devine inspiration in our struggles and life. Let go and let God-working on this my the minute."
posted at 04:20:30 on July 13, 2010 by Anonymous
Clean or not clean Part 2.    
"Thank you all for your comments you are educating as well as supporting me. I tend to go beyond the mark when difficulty happen, I think the world is coming to an end for the littlest of things. Your prayers were answered. My meeting with the Bishop went very well and I just had misconception about what was happening in my life. My so called failure or relapse was not a relapse. I just searched on a word that could of lead to something else but I took myself away from the situation. Watching TV after midnight is not good as the ads are not church standard, after changing the channel a few times I turned it all off and went to bed. So in a way I was more successful in resisting the temptation.

After seeing Bishop I went over to another chapel an met up with my old support group. Great move! We did lesson 3 and the spirit was so strong. I have done so much crying this week. I started feeling the spirit of the Lord again now that I have seen the Bishop and gone to the meeting.

Anonymous thank you for sharing you experiences with your relationship. I need to sit down with my wife and go through step 4 and the things I have identified will protect me. I also need to peruse the idea as the addiction as a third party, it kind of make sense. I need to go to bed, thank you all once again."
posted at 07:10:53 on July 13, 2010 by Another_Dad

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"I need not define your specific problem to help you overcome it. It doesn’t matter what it is. If it violates the commandments of the Lord, it comes from Satan, and the Lord can overcome all of Satan’s influence through your application of righteous principles. Please understand that the way back is not as hard as it seems to you now. Satan wants you to think that it is impossible. That is not true. The Savior gave His life so that you can completely overcome the challenges you face. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990