35 days gone to waste...
By j89
5/28/2010 12:13:40 AM
I hate this. Why does this have to be so difficult? I've reached over a month and BOOM. The thing is that I didn't even think how long I was doing this. From my previous attempts I was always getting stuck at the "2 week" mark but I could only pass it when I didn't think about it. This time it was the opposite, maybe if I had looked how far I went so far I wouldn't have fallen because I would have seen what I have accomplished. I should have just gone to sleep but I kept being on the internet without anything to do. I have realized that I should stop doing that. I should just "unplug" when I have nothing to do and not look for "news."
How can my Father in Heaven even love me if I get into trouble? I don't deserve it. I have hurt Him and I have hurt my self.
At this rate I will never be able to serve. I will never be a part of God's army. I hate bringing bad news to my branch president. Why am I so bad at being good? I want to be good but something always gets in my way and I'm not strong enough. Why do these temptations have such a powerful pull? At times I feel like giving up and being like everyone else in the world, without a care because they don't know. But I do know and it hurts me so much because I know what I would be losing if I did give up. I don't want to give up. I want to be good. I just don't know how.


New look    
"Dear J89
You are a child of God. The miracle of this is that before you came to earth you knew 100% That this was going to be a temptation to come, and you knew it was going to be hard- but you came because you KNEW that God would help you. You knew without a doubt that even though at times it would feel unbarable that you would make it. Easy said then done. I know. But you are not alone- EVER! Isnt that amazing!? He is always always always there. Its hard. It is so hard. I have been where you are- I am still struggling. At times I have the attitude of "I feel like giving up and being like everyone else in the world" but think of all the days, hours or even seconds that you have not given in and how good it feels.
I HATE going to AR groups, bishop meetings, or just letting someone know that I have given in and I am back to day one. But you know what- you are not. Dont let Satan get to you!!! THink of all the days you have succeed. I grantee that there is far more days that you have not given in, that you have overcome your addiction. I personally found that putting a tally mark somewhere, anywhere with all the days I have not given in helps me so much better at the end of the year month or even week I look at the six, twenty, three hundred tally marks and I am so proud of myself! I hate the "back to day one thing" For everyone that is different but I know for a fact that those 35 days have not gone to waste. The angels in Heaven record everyone. Dont let satan get to you. I am praying for you. Remember who is going to win the war- God. He is on your side and he is there for you more than ever."
posted at 02:14:28 on May 28, 2010 by helpme
"Let me get this straight: You made it 35 days, when your usual success lasts just 2 weeks!?!

Congratulations! You get three cheers, J89! Hurrah! Huzzah! Hip Hip Hoorah!

And I smell success in one other area: I bet in the past you would wait days or weeks to tell anyone about your struggles, especially the bishop. Now, it appears that you have told us almost immediately after failing. You are breaking the cycle of secrecy and dishonesty that keeps you imprisoned. Well done!! Now, I recommend you immediately tell God (in prayer), tell your Bishop, and tell your sponsor. Get it out in the open, and stop your current cycle of acting out. You are on your way!

You have every reason to be excited. You are beating this thing. If you can go 35 days, you can go 75.... You are gaining your agency back. Now, while you still have it, use it to turn yourself over to the Lord completely, and go forward.

Do NOT get discouraged, that is Satan's tool. Get on your knees. Recommit to try again. Do everything you know you should be doing to prepare for a mission. IMMERSE yourself in the scriptures. Meet with the bishop NOW, and when things are going well, in preparation for your mission. PUT GOD FIRST, and try again.

Helpme is so right. Your 35 days are not wasted. They are forever, eternally in your corner. You may lay them up in store. To return to the sports analogy, during the past 36 days, you are 35-1. I bet that for the past several months, you are 100-6 or so. You are killing this thing!

But it will not go away completely without you committing yourself, your mind, your heart, your talents, your service, your time, and EVERYTHING to God. You must put him before everything else. Do it, and you will be free! Days will turn into months, and months will turn into years. I know it will happen. It has for me and so many others."
posted at 11:09:55 on May 28, 2010 by BeClean
Thanks for the comments.    
"Looking back I was a bit casual with my scripture study and I should have been reading more instead of being on the computer aimlessly, an idle mind truly is the devil's workshop. Some days I have a lot of time on my hands and I should look spend it better.
I'm meeting with my branch president this sunday and I'm going to set and write spiritual goals that I want to achieve. I also noticed that I was also slacking on my physical goals that I set and I should have been more attentive to them to see if the path I was going would lead me to my goals. I read that when we are physically healthy it makes life easier to live and helps us be more positive throughout our days. I did notice that when I began to be happier when I started exercising more and eating healthy. I used to just watch tv and eat junk food all day. I was slowing down my efforts to stay healthy and I slowly started being more sedentary again and I was starting to get depressed because of how my life had turned out, how much time I wasted not doing what I was supposed to. I want to change for the better so I'm going to set goals to get me there.
Thank you for your comments guys, they really help."
posted at 22:32:43 on May 29, 2010 by j89

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"Develop discipline of self so that, more and more, you do not have to decide and redecide what you will do when you are confronted with the same temptation time and time again. You need only to decide some things once. How great a blessing it is to be free of agonizing over and over again regarding a temptation. "

— Spencer W. Kimball