Help me.
By j89
3/5/2010 10:20:36 PM
I'm going through a difficult time in my life again and I keep failing after a couple days again. I used to do this before I knew I was an addict and now it's happening again. I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate this part of me. I lasted 4 days this time. I'm finding almost impossible to control my own thoughts and feelings. I am so lost. I'm finding very difficult to control this animal inside me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up but I'm still getting caught up in this behavior. Why does this keep happening to me. This seems almost impossible. I've had this addiction being a part of my life since I was a kid and I'm an adult now. This is so difficult trying to stop something I've done the majority of my life since it's been a part of me for so long. I wish I had never seen that filth when I was a kid, maybe I wouldn't have this problem. I don't like this failing. How do I remind myself of the feeling I have after failure. That never comes up when I'm being tempted. How do I bring it up so I remember not to do that? Please help me.
But on the plus side though looking back I think it's still an improvement from my last failure which was 1 and a half day (I think).


"You answered a lot of your own questions. Why does this keep happening? Well it has happened since you were a child. How do I remind yourself? The keyword is "I". You are right you do need to remind yourself But, you are not alone. Have a fervent prayer that the lord will intervine and that he will remind you. You have had this problem a long time, it is going to take time and a lot of effort to get on a different track. The only thing that would hold you back is convincing yourself that it is impossible. It's not impossible. You may fall, do your best not to, but if you do get back on the horse and keep going. You haven't lost until you quit. Even in a race you still get some kind of ranking if you finish the race.
You know your patterns, that is key. Think and ponder and pray over how to interupt these patterns. Have you seen someone stick an object in an electric fan? When something gets in front of the blade, it usually slows it down. Right now the fan blade is your addiction, and the object you place in front of the blade is the thing you are going to do to stop its pattern, its momentum. As you slow it down and eventually stop it, make the blade your new life of virtue and chastity. And make sure that blade is going so fast nothing can stand in its way. You can do it."
posted at 10:04:16 on March 6, 2010 by maybeme
My thoughts    
"This could sound weird, but...start by cutting yourself some slack. You admit that you have had this problem for years. You admit that your mind is full of the filth you have seen. You admit you are addicted. you think that, with YEARS of past history, you are really going to change everything about your thoughts and your habits in a single day? Of course not! More likely, it will take a long time to change.

But you WILL change if you keep trying, keep getting back up when you fall, keep filling your mind with prayer and scripture study, keep trying to put God first. Perhaps you CAN'T change yourself, but HE can change you. And He WILL!

Just as bad habits develop over time, so good habits take time to develop, too.

Keep going, my friend. Don't give up. You only lose this war if you give up and surrender to your enemy. If you keep fighting and keep trying, you will WIN.

But cut yourself some slack. Think of where you came from, and don't think this is going to end this very afternoon. Instead, realize just how hard this battle is going to be, and take it 1 day at a time."
posted at 11:32:42 on March 6, 2010 by BeClean
You're not alone.    
"Sometimes it just feels better to know that there are other people out there struggling with the same addiction. The solution is out there. Relatively few take advantage of it. It's found in the churches ARP and PASG programs, and also in Sexaholics Anonymous. The Twelve Steps were created and handed down through generations unitl they officially recieved the General Bishoprics stamp of approval as the "authorized" and recommended program of recovery for pornography addiction. I hope you take advantage of this miraculous program.

And to echo BECLEAN, please cut yourself a little slack. Don't let the devil have the bonus of imprisoning your soul in a deep depression where no recovery is possible. There's NO excuse for hopelessness once you've been shown that there is a solution. It's not always our fault that we have this addiction, but it is our responsibility to recover as soon as we are shown the solution. Good luck!"
posted at 13:40:39 on March 6, 2010 by Anonymous
"I hope you're doing well, and I agree with the other comments that say you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

One thing you said really caught my attention. You asked, "How do I remind myself of the feeling I have after failure. That never comes up when I'm being tempted. How do I bring it up so I remember not to do that?"

I've wondered the exact same thing and the best answer I've come up in my own situation is that I simply cannot think about the consequences of my actions when I'm being tempted. Almost every time I think about how bad I'll feel after acting out I end up acting out. My therapist told me that the reason this always happens to me is because when I'm thinking about the consequences of acting out I'm already getting myself psychologically ready for failure.

Maybeme is absolutely right - we have to find a way to stop the pattern, but focusing on the negative consequences of acting out is not the right way for me, and I think there's a high chance that it is not the right way for you either. A much better way is to think about all the great things that will happen to you if you stay clean. Think about how good you'll feel when you get to take the sacrament, or how nice it will be to feel worthy of the priesthood.

Another good way to manage temptation is by surrendering it to the Lord. He is ready and willing to take our temptations, but WE have to hand them over to Him through prayer.

Good luck, J89. We're all here for you if you need us."
posted at 02:35:10 on March 7, 2010 by ETTE
Hitting Bottom    
"There have been several times throughout my 20-year addiction when I've hit bottom, and typically those times are followed by extended periods of sobriety. But, sadly, over time I tend to forget the real pain of addiction and eventually relapse. For me, the pain is only real when I'm feeling it, and it isn't an effective tool to prevent future recurrence.

What is an effective tool, though, is change--real, lasting change. It begins slowly, as I crawl out of yet another "rock bottom" experience and start doing things differently. I begin to focus less on the pain of addiction and more on the joy of sobriety. I change my habits, the foods I eats, my exercise programs--and put my life together again, one step at a time.

Right now I'm in the process of building a new addiction-free life. I started the process of change by attending LDSAR meetings. I've begun regularly reading scriptures again, alone and with my family. Family home evening has become a weekly habit. I reach out to God in prayer not just morning and night, but constantly--to ask for strength, to thank him. I exercise regularly. After some sincere soul-searching, I enrolled in graduate school. I started reading books again (instead of idly surfing the web), serving others more charitably and sharing the things I've learned with them. I've even started eating more vegetarian meals (this is a personal choice, I'm not evangelizing here).

In short, I'm becoming a new person. There isn't a lot about me today that's the same as it was when I began the recovery process. And that's okay--in fact, it's wonderful. But I've been here before, and relapsed. What makes this time different? Simply this: I'm never going to stop the process of change, the continual build-up of good habits, the constant turning to Christ in prayer and repentance.

The last time I thought I'd "beat" my addiction, I stopped trying. The enemy was gone, or so I thought, and so I could focus on other things. But the enemy never goes away for long, and like Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon I should have spent my times of "peace" building fortresses and walls to defend against future invasion.

I agree with ETTE: thinking about all the great things that will happen to you if you stay clean is a much better motivator for change. With this approach, you can focus less on what you're leaving behind and more on what you're about to become. Begin building your new life today by giving something, anything to God. Start a new good habit, something you keep doing no matter where you are in the addiction cycle. Begin working the 12 steps at your own pace. Over time, you'll begin to change--and you'll feel the power of the atonement working in your life. I've followed this process and seen miracles in my life. I have every confidence that you will see those same miracles."
posted at 19:28:23 on March 8, 2010 by finallyfree
"It sounds to me like you are just what they call 'white knuckling it' You might want to try to focus on trying to change yourself instead of just not doing it. I am not very good at explaining it but there is a program called Candeo that is really good at explaining. Check it out."
posted at 16:41:23 on March 10, 2010 by Anonymous
Feeling good now.    
"Thanks for the comments, I'm trying to stop the patterns that bring me to this filth but wednesday I failed again but instead of me writing about it, I asked the Lord to tell me what went wrong as He would know better then I. I wrote what I was prompted and it was much better than what I initially thought about writing. The things I wrote were a big help in these past few days that I've been clean. As the little counter on the top right says, I'm 3 days clean so far and I'm loving it. After I asked the Lord what He would have me do and how I should do them, things have been much easier to handle. I still feel that Satan is trying harder and harder to get me but the Lord helps me when I ask. If I don't ask I can feel it become difficult. I have to remember to put on the Armor of God and He will help me with the fight. We were having a discussion in FHE about reading the scriptures and one person said that he switched from reading the scriptures at night to the morning and he noticed that his days were much better when he did that. I also gave that a try and I did notice my day being easier to deal with. I think that when we read the scriptures we show God that we are following his commandments and we will be better prepared to receive his help when we ask for it. I can't do this by myself but the Lord can, I just have to ask Him for help. For me that's the hard part, remembering to ask for help."
posted at 23:58:49 on March 13, 2010 by j89

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"In a decaying environment, the mind is the last redoubt of righteousness, and it must be preserved even amid bombardment by evil stimuli. Christ is competent to see us through, “for in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted” As promised, He will make either “a way to escape” or a way “to bear it”."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987