Beyond me
By helpme
3/1/2010 12:00:20 AM
So much in my life has changes in the past two weeks. I am seeing a new conselour and she is amazing! I really do love her. but she definitely has opened my eyes to how serious my mb addiction is. It has been 11 years. It hurts me to even say that cause I cannot believe it has been that long..I am only 19! ugh
I wish so bad that i didnt have to go through this. I didn't even know it was wrong in the first place. I was just a little girl. Why would God let this happen to me? Why can't I stop? My heart is broken. I want so bad to be happy, truly happy! I want to be able to be with my amazing boy friend and marry him some day and not feel like I am lieing to him. He thinks I am so perfect- I have messed up with more then one guy and I can't even go to church with my new boy friend because I am unable to talk the sacrament and this time. I want so many things in my life to change but I seriously have no power over them. I know God is real and this church. I wish so badly that in the pre-earth life I wouldnt have told God that I could make it through this temptations in my life because I can't. I know that they say through God all things in possible...and that he doesn't give us temptations beyond what we can handle. then why me? Why can't I see how great my life is and that I can get through this? Why can't I be with my boy friend and NOT feel guilty like I am keeping so much for him- it as if I am lying to everyone around me and this addiction is eating me ...God this is beyond me. Lift my burdens. someone be my angel and help


I don't know how much this will help but...    
"This is truth:
"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "
— Shayne M. Bowen
General Conference October 2006"
posted at 04:55:37 on March 1, 2010 by Anonymous
"Dear Helpme, as a daughter of God you are entitled to great blessings from our heavenly father. You were sent here by that same loving God and he knew that life would have challenges and that is why we do have the church and especially the atonement. A hospital is not a place where you go to if you are healthy, it is where you go if you are sick or afflicted. The same with the church, the church is not for the perfect people but for the imperfect. And God set up the church to be a place where we can learn how to perfect ourselves and help others.
You can't go back in the past and change anything. You can't even go back to just a few minutes ago. You can't tell what will happen in the future, but you can know and have control over what you are doing right now, in the present and that is the most important thing. Right now is the time that matters most because right now will effect the future. The past is over with and is now gone, but right now, right this moment is a new time for you and a time to think and act. And with the lords help you can do all things. It is hard but each step each moment that you choose the lord and his will for you is a moment you are getting stronger. Build on that, don't build on the past because it is no longer present. Don't build on the future because it is not here yet, but build on right now. You can do it"
posted at 04:58:56 on March 1, 2010 by gettinthere
A Different Perspective?    

I have been an addict for more than 20 years, and as many mb/pornography addicts I too started when I was very young and really didn't understand what I was doing. That doesn't make my addiction excusable, it just makes me want to overcome it even more, since it's been a part of my life for so long.

You said, "I wish so badly that in the pre-earth life I wouldnt have told God that I could make it through this temptations in my life because I can't." Let me reverse that and perhaps offer some hope from a different perspective. Do you really believe God sent you to earth knowing you had no chance of making it back? I can't believe a loving father would do that to His daughter. He knew you would struggle with addiction, but He also provided a way for you to recover. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done, and it may seem impossible at times, but consider that Christ has offered everyone--you, me, all God's children--the opportunity to come unto Him. Sometimes it's hard for me to believe in myself, but if I deny any possibility of recovery I'm not just letting myself down, I'm denying the power of Christ's atonement.

I believe it is possible for you to recover.

When God says he won't tempt us beyond what we can bear, He means there will always be a way out, no matter how deeply our souls have been scarred by sin and addiction. He will provide an escape, no matter how young we were when our addictions began, no matter who we are, no matter what we have done. The atonement is infinite--everything, everyone, always, forever. Christ is standing next to us at every moment, waiting for us to call upon Him for help. When we turn to Him and freely offer Him a broken heart and a contrite spirit--not just in words, but with complete sincerity--only then can He intervene on our behalf and give us the strength we need to keep going.

Helpme, God loves you--always, no matter what--and He believes in you. Draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you. Take His yoke upon you, and learn of Him--for He is meek and lowly of heart, and your soul shall find rest. For His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. He can change your heart, your life, and He can wash away your sins. I have prayed for you, that you will find the strength you need to get through this difficult time. Believe in Christ, because He believes in you."
posted at 09:39:53 on March 1, 2010 by finallyfree
Thank you    
"It is still been really hard for me; but your support means so much to me. Thank you for all your comments"
posted at 20:50:23 on March 4, 2010 by helpme

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"Brothers and sisters, stay on the straight and narrow path. No, stay in the middle of the straight and narrow path. Don't drift; don't wander; don't dabble; be careful. Remember, do not flirt with evil. Stay out of the devil's territory. Do not give Satan any home-field advantage. Living the commandments will bring you the happiness that too many look for in other places. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006