letting go of anger
By hk-47
2/7/2010 9:35:35 AM
I just came from church; it was a pretty nice day. My wife and kids aren't here with me, but I'll be home to them in a couple of months. In the meantime, having nearby church services are one of the nicer things about this job.

The lesson on the life of Christ made me think about being more Christlike. The brother giving the lesson challenged us to love those that hate us and pray for those who persecute and spitefully use us. So that's my project for this week.

I don't like some (most) of my coworkers. The only other LDS guy is inactive; he's an okay guy but we're not really close. Several of the others are ... difficult. They act like frat boys, all of their conversations are disgusting rants about sex, gay sex jokes to each other, or drinking beer, or whatever other vices they celebrate. I'm fairly tolerant. I don't preach, I don't criticize them, and I don't try to force my beliefs on them.

Yet, I feel I'm an outcast simply for not participating in their juvenile antics. Tonight (SuperBowl) they're going to drink together. I'm so glad I was not invited because I cannot stand to be around them.

But, the Savior loves them. He loves them and I should, too. But it's hard. I'm going to pray for them tonight. I don't have to necessarily be their buddy and I really don't want to participate in anything they do. But I can still love them in the way Jesus does.

How does this relate to my addiction? I'm prone to anger, like many of us. And when I'm angry, particularly at these people I'm forced to be with, I'm more vulnerable to temptation. So letting go of anger and learning to love these guys is part of recovery. Even if it's not the easy part.


Great Post    
"That was I great post, I really liked your application of the lesson to your life. Your last statement about anger is a great one. Addicts hold on to the past, and in general are very angry people, unwilling to forgive themselves and others. This anger and letting go is something I continually work on, it is almost harder to get rid of then the addictions.
thank you for your comments, they were great and helpful."
posted at 11:24:08 on February 7, 2010 by daneadams
He is Jealous for Me    
"Thanks for sharing, HK-47. Your thoughts remind me of my experience this weekend driving on the freeway and listening to the David Crowder Band's "How He Loves" ( ). In the song, the band sings "How He loves us, Oh, How He loves us!" over and over.

I tried "putting my own name" into the song and starting singing, "How He loves ME, Oh, How He loves ME!" This new version was true and correct, but it didn't have the effect I anticipated.

So, I tried singing it another way: "How He loves THEM, Oh, How He loves THEM!" The effect was immediate for me. I realized that He Loves THEM...the other drivers on the freeway, my friends, my coworkers, the students at the university, everyone. He loves THEM!

It made me think differently of some people, and I'm grateful.

I should add that the song starts by saying, "He is Jealous of me." Listening to that song was the first time I ever understood what it meant that God is a "jealous" God. I always thought that was a weird way to characterize God. However, if I'm dating someone, and they are "jealous," it means that I have cheated on them in some way, and they want me--they are jealous of the attention I gave to someone else. This is, of course, not as bad as if I am married, I have made certain covenants, and my wife is jealous. That means I cheated on her, broke my covenants, and yet she still loves me and still wants me.

Investigators have not made covenants with God. After baptism, however, we have made covenants with him, and we are "married" to him, so to speak. If he is jealous of us, if he is a jealous God, that means we have broken those covenants and cheated on him. We have chased after other Gods...our own selfishness, money, sex, drugs. And yet, How He Loves Us. He still loves us and He still WANTS us. That's why we call him Jealous--jealous of the attention we are paying to other Gods."
posted at 08:58:02 on February 8, 2010 by BeClean
Another Great comment BECLEAN    
"I really appreciate the things that you say, you are very smart."
posted at 14:30:25 on February 8, 2010 by daneadams
"BECLEAN, that is a good point. I don't try to hold these guys to the same standards that I should be held to, and I shouldn't.

Truthfully, I'm thankful for the gospel. Most of my coworkers are either single, divorced, or on their 2nd marriage. I've been happily married (in the temple) to the same wonderful lady for 12 years now. And, I know that I owe that all to the gospel. I have three wonderful children, the first was (literally) brought to us by the church, through LDS Family Services (adoption).

The point is, I have a lot to be thankful for that these guys don't have. And the difference is the church.

I've been praying for my co-workers, and it is slowly getting easier to deal with them. We're not necessarily going to be best friends, but I can still show them the love that Jesus does. I'm probably not going to convert them, but at least they can walk away from this experience with their Mormon associate with a positive view of the Church.

5 days in a row now clean. It's not a lot, yet, but it feels good. And the Saints won the Superbowl, so it's a good week so far."
posted at 07:51:33 on February 9, 2010 by hk-47
Well done    
"Hurrah! Congrats on five days, HK-47. Make it 6.

And congrats on 12 years of marriage. That's cool. You're doing some things right."
posted at 09:18:35 on February 9, 2010 by BeClean
My anger and resentments    
"Congrats on 5 days. Being away on your own is tough.

Soon after I got into recovery and thought everything was getting better, my wife corrected me and let me know that my temper had actually gotten worse. Then I had to realize that it was like taking someone off their pain meds. Now I had to deal with the raw edge of life and not lash out at my family. After a number of years in recovery I have 30 days since I last lost my temper. It is the shortest sobriety period of the many things I am tracking. I think it is very common flaw among addicts. It is interesting how much AA literature talks about resentment.

I have to remember though that the problem isn’t what others have done to me it is how I feel about them. This thought whacked me over the head one time when I happened to be on a temple session with my boss that I had hard feelings towards. It suddenly hit me that if we were both standing up there they wouldn’t ask me to point out the people I had unkind feelings towards and make them leave. It would be my unkind feelings that were the problem and I would have to leave so that the Spirit could come! Particularly when it comes to my recovery I have to look at my fault in every relationship no matter what the other person has done. I continue to find that easier said than done. Here’s to having 37 days next week. My biggest struggle comes on the weekends when I spend more time with my family, and they are really great. Maybe I need to work on patience as well."
posted at 09:39:19 on February 9, 2010 by justjohn

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"By emulating the Master, who endured temptations but “gave no heed unto them,” we, too, can live in a world filled with temptations “such as [are] common to man”. Of course Jesus noticed the tremendous temptations that came to him, but He did not process and reprocess them. Instead, He rejected them promptly. If we entertain temptations, soon they begin entertaining us! Turning these unwanted lodgers away at the doorstep of the mind is one way of giving “no heed.” Besides, these would-be lodgers are actually barbarians who, if admitted, can be evicted only with great trauma."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987