Well...    

"Unfortunately you are probably the only one that can really answer that question. I know there have been times in my past that I have done things online hoping to find a little something by “accident”. When I have done that I am in trouble. Usually I have gone on to fall on my face so there hasn’t been any question as to whether or not I needed to set a new sobriety date. On the other hand, the other day I was doing something totally innocent, looking for marathons in different states. The site I was using to find them had an old list. Some of the races don’t exist any more and the domain names are no longer owned by the same folks. Most of the ones that I ran across that were like that had advertising for other marathons, running stores etc. Then I clicked on one that was advertising porn. It even had some animated gifs of couples having sex. I was just stunned. In fact I was so shocked that for a moment I just sat there looking back and forth at the page and the web address trying to figure out what happened. Then I came to, closed the window and deleted my temp files. I was at work and they have a zero tolerance policy regarding porn. We are also monitored quite a bit. That I didn’t count as a relapse because I really wasn’t looking for it and I didn’t savor it when it did come up.

Either way I would say that you did a great thing closing it down right away. Now you know it isn’t a safe place to play. You probably knew that already in the back of your mind. You’ll have to make the final decision on whether or not to start over counting your sobriety, but it isn’t the end of the world. I’m kind of a recovery slow class reject, so you can trust me on that one. Just keep making progress. If you pick yourself up each time, keep getting more time between relapses, continue to decrease the lengths of the relapses, it will eventually be done. Put everything you have into your recovery, and even though you shouldn’t beat yourself up too much when you do relapse, letting it go completely isn’t the right thing either. We have to examine relapses and figure out how to avoid them in the future whether it is something bad that we should avoid or something good that we need to do to keep safe."

posted at 16:42:44 on February 4, 2010 by justjohn

Repentance is The Process of Eternal Progression    

"Repentance is when you screw up and change, but it is also the tool we use to constantly improve ourselves. Our goal is to become like our Father in Heaven, and anything short of that is sin. Some sins are greater than others, and those are a good starting place for improvement, but never forget that repentance is something that you should do everyday to constantly improve. FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE. Look to do those things that will bring the spirit into your life (focus on the positive) don't look and dwell on the things you shouldn't be doing. God is our Father, he loves us and want the best for us and His goal is for us to become like Him, make that YOUR goal."

posted at 09:55:49 on February 5, 2010 by daneadams

Temptation is Not Sin    

"Everyone is tempted sometimes, even Christ was tempted. But he was perfect, so clearly being tempted isn't a sin. Entertaining the temptation, however, is another thing entirely. Only you know the extent to which your mind entertained -- or didn't entertain -- a desire to indulge further. It sounds like you did exactly what you should have done in the moment. Joseph ran away from Potiphar's wife, and that's the best thing he could have done. If you acted as Joseph did, then I'd say you're in pretty good shape.

However, I will add a caution about repeating the behavior. The next time you visit a chat room you may, consciously or unconsciously, be looking for something more than a chat session. If I were in your shoes, I would avoid that situation altogether and spend my time doing something more constructive and less dangerous. The first time is an innocent mistake, the second isn't so innocent."

posted at 16:55:44 on February 5, 2010 by finallyfree

Who's Counting, Part 2    

"Jason, welcome to the site. And Hurrah!! You have gone 6 weeks or more! Well done.

Then you got "bit." I blogged about a similar experience to yours here:
http://www.ldsar.org/ViewBlog.aspx?EntryId=5704

If I understand your concern, you are very afraid of "starting over." Can I ask why that is? You made it six weeks without anything questionable. Why do you fear starting from day 1? You can go another 6 weeks or more. You start over every day...every week...every month...every year. Why shouldn't you start over now?

Your fear of starting over reminds me of the reason that I asked the question "Who's Counting?"
http://www.ldsar.org/ViewBlog.aspx?EntryId=5745

When Heavenly Father asks you to report on your life, I'm not sure he'll ask how many days you've been clean. I think he'll be more interested in your current state of mind. Are you humble, repentant, faithful, and charitable? Those are my questions to you. And I think Alma asked similar questions in Alma 5.

Anyway, congratulations on 6 weeks. I am truly happy for you, and this is a time to rejoice, not to sorrow in your possible sin. Start over, if you must, without fear. Recommit to put God first in your life--not just today after you faltered, but recommit every day!

With love!"

posted at 17:49:49 on February 5, 2010 by BeClean