By helpme
1/30/2010 7:54:23 PM
I don't know how to explain this....but I hope someone can give me inspriation and help me. I am dating this AMAZING guy right now. He is everything I want in my future husband...and he thinks I am too. I mean I know not everyone is perfect but I feel so guilty. I feel as if I am not good enough for him when he tells me I am. We have talked about marriage but I know it will for sure be a while. I just feel so guilty being with him. I mean it goes both ways he has helped me so much, and he doesn't even know it. He is a worthy priesthold holder and he does everything and beyond a guy should do. But he always talkes about how he wants to go to the temple to do baptiams and I am not worthy to go because of mb and I went to far with a guy. I don't know if I should say something of wait. We have known each other for a few years been only dating for a few months. I feel as if I am lieing to him and he deserves SO much better then me...


Judge not    
"So, Helpme...your boyfriend doesn't know about your problem, and he thinks you are amazing. And you don't know what problems he struggles with (he definitely struggles with SOMETHING--EVERYONE does), and you think he's amazing. Sounds like you are on equal footing right now. You have no right to think you are better than him (which you don't), and you have no right to think that you are worse than him (which you do). You're not allowed to judge--you don't have all the witnesses against him; you only know the witnesses against yourself.

Second, you HAVE told us on this website about your problem, and WE don't think you are unworthy of a good Priesthood holder. So, you have a temptation that you are dealing with. But you are dealing with it! You are trying to overcome it. You are working on it. All of that says some great things about you. Many people wouldn't even try.

If you consistently study your scriptures, put God first, and work through the 12 steps (group meetings), I promise you will be able to apply the atonement and overcome this problem.

And the atonement makes you worthy of ANY priesthood holder. It makes you worthy of living with God. If you can live with God (and you CAN, HE wants you to), then you can live with this guy friend of yours.

So, what I am saying is, because of the atonement and because of your efforts at repentance, you ARE worthy, and you are not being fair comparing yourself to him. Go ask your Bishop what you have to do to start going to the temple with this boy (or any of your friends) and start going. Use the atonement, and Be Clean.

What are your thoughts?"
posted at 20:52:24 on January 30, 2010 by BeClean
I agree    
"I agree with BECLEAN. God wouldn't ask you to do the thing he has if he didn't already believe in you. He knew we would all since and come short, but he has asked us to follow him because he knows we can and has faith in us. You are your boyfriend have faith in each other, that is why you are both doing well. It almost relates to the concept "who the lord calls the lord qualifies". If you too are meant to be together even in just a relationship right now, you will find yoiurselves becoming qualified, the exact way you are feeling better now."
posted at 18:58:14 on January 31, 2010 by Anonymous
Thank you    
"Thank you so very much! This site has seriously done miracles for me. It is still feel a little inadequate but I care for my boyfriend SO much and I know that he does for me the same- even though he doesn't know my past. I guess I am just going with the flow right now.
I just think it will be so awkward when we get married- or when I get married to anyone to tell them about my addiction, I mean I know that if they love me they will be understanding but that is just SO weird to think about. but until then I will keep my prayers up and see where this goes. Thank you both so much for your advice. You are really an answer to my prayers"
posted at 00:39:12 on February 1, 2010 by helpme
My Experience    
"I feel like I was in your same shoes just a couple months ago. I had started dating this wonderful guy who was everything I could have hoped for and wanted. I of course didn't want to tell him about my addiction for fear of having him be shocked and disgusted and having him leave me. On the other hand, I didn't feel it was fair to him to keep secrets from him especially if we got to the point of being engaged and married. I decided that if we got engaged, I'd wait to tell him then since I believe you shouldn't go into marriage keeping secrets. Things didn't work out quite like that. Only a few weeks in, he told me about him being a recovering drug addict and how he's been sober for 11 years. I told him some things that were personal but I still said nothing about my addiction. Well, one day we were just talking and he started asking me questions and I didn't want to lie to him so I just told him the truth. He found out I was a sex addict and it did shock him but only because I wasn't what he pictured a sex addict to look like. I am so very happy I told him because now he is one of my biggest supporters. He thinks I am a better person because he sees my struggles and watches my efforts to change and our relationship has gotten stronger as we work through them together. Because I told him, he has also been very good at making sure that we never do anything that would trigger me. He has been extremely respectful.
If I were you, I'd feel lucky you have a worthy priesthood holder. I was told by my facilitator once that we as sex addicts need a strong man in our life because we will try to manipulate him to get what we want and we need him to be strong and tell us no. We can't have and don't deserve anything less if we wish to stay sober.
I hope this helped and made sense instead of it just being rambling. I'm also not saying you need to tell your boyfriend anything now but I am saying he should know before you get married if it goes in that direction. It's only fair to the both of you. I'm sure if he was in your shoes and you were in his you'd want to know."
posted at 09:04:37 on February 1, 2010 by Matrix
Thank you - Congratulations - Princess    
"First, the thank you: I got on today because I had to miss my noon recovery meeting and needed a pick-me-up. Your post, “:D :D There is hope!! I love it!” was the first one I read and it was just what the doctor ordered. Sincerely, thank you.

Next, the congratulations: I later read your post, “IS ANYBODY THERE” and I want to congratulate you for reaching out in a time of struggle and making it through without falling. In the heat of the moment you chose recovery and life over sickness and death. GOOD FOR YOU!!

Now the princess: You are the daughter of a Heavenly King. There isn’t anything you don’t deserve and can’t become worthy of. Tell Satan to go to Hell and take his negative thoughts with him. You are a warrior princess, valiantly fighting the good fight and putting yourself in the caring hands of your Heavenly Father. He wants to, can and will make you clean and pure as you continue to apply the atonement - "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow" - Isaiah1:18. (think of a mountain meadow covered in fresh snow)

I love Alma 36. I love the message that is displayed in the chiasmus that is woven into that story. I won’t take the space here to explain it in detail. You can google “chiasmus alma 36” and get as much info as you want. To me it amplifies Alma’s plunge into despair, finding Christ in the depths of that and being lifted back out to a joy he couldn’t have imagined. The point I really wanted to bring out is that he didn’t get that experience because he deserved it. Christ didn’t love and help him because he had been good. Alma even emphasizes that when he says, “not of any worthiness of myself” in verse 5. The other thing that hits me from his story is that the moment Alma receives the strength to stand he declares that he, “had been born of God” in verse 23. In Mosiah 27:24 it quotes him as saying, “I have repented of my sins, and have been redeemed of the Lord; behold I am born of the Spirit.” Here is a guy who by his own admission wasn’t deserving of what he had received. He hadn’t had time to work any of the physical steps of the repentance process. He hadn’t cleared things up with his bishop. He hadn’t made amends to anyone. He hadn’t had the time to prove that he had forsaken his old ways. Just three days before he was one of the ring-leaders of a group that one of their fathers called, “the very vilest of sinners”. (Mosiah 28:4) Yet here he stood, repentant, redeemed and born again, I think because he had done one of the most sincere and intent steps 1, 2 & 3 of anyone I have heard of. He turned his life over to God and never looked back.

When I felt like you I found it really helpful to pray that I might see myself as He sees me. Even though I feel a lot better about myself, it hasn’t led to arrogance (I hope!). I realize that God has an awful lot of work left to do with me, but if He is OK with where I am so far and the direction I am going, I find it easier to cut myself a little slack and like who I am at this point in my journey.

PS – I told my wife soon after we were engaged. Not because I was all that noble, but mostly because I was afraid that she would find some things once we started sharing finances. It was a good thing."
posted at 16:29:01 on February 1, 2010 by justjohn

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"Freedom from your transgression will come through sincere faith, true repentance, willing obedience, and the giving of self. Why the giving of self? Because selfishness is at the root of your problem. Where selfishness and transgression flourish, the Spirit of the Lord can’t enter your life to bless you. To succeed, you must conquer your selfishness. When your beacon is focused on self, it does little more than blind your vision. When turned outward through acts of kindness and love, it will light your path to happiness and peace. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990