Print
I am an addict
By Gintama101
1/9/2010 4:03:47 PM
Step 1 - Action Step — Admit the problem; seek help; attend meetings
I have abused my trust as a cousin and have fallen into the pit of sin, I have asked my cousins to be sexually intimate with me. I have then done the same to them and to some extent I would force them as the pain of my addiction became stronger.

I have fallen ill to pornography and masturbation which has corrupted my mind and now I can only think about getting my next fix of hormones from sexual pleasures. I can no longer look at my friends the same way and have commited some homosexual acts in the process.

I have seen my bishop though I do not want to wait to visit him each week as I do not wish to disturb him on sunday. I have been placed on probation and have been advised to contact a counselor although I have not yet been able to do so due to my autism and fear of what he might say.

I know this idea is stupid as he can only help me conquer the problem. Also I know I should be attending meetings though I cannot as it makes me feel ill as I do not feel worthy to step foot into the house of the lord after what I have done, the pain that I have caused him.

I am so sorry.

Comments:

There is hope    
"I commend you for taking steps towards repentence. I want you to know that you're not alone. I hope that you will seek out help. Seeing the bishop is usually not enough for problems of this nature. I strongly suggest attending the churches ARP meetings and seeing a counselor. It is your responsiblity to take the steps towards recovering from these sexual compulsions. I can't stress how important it is to reach out for help for what you're going through. It sounds like your addiction has already progressed into coercive acts that approach criminal behavior. Seeking help becomes, all the more, imperative. Nonetheless, our Savior has provided the opportunity for complete forgiveness for the things you've already done. Can you imagine how nice that will feel? I get the impression that you are still pretty young. Christ can miraculously 'undo' the damge that we have caused others. The important thing is to not cause anymore harm to your cousins and to seek help. Writing on this site is a great start. Please attend an ARP meeting this week and let us know how it goes. Please seek out a counsleor and make an appointment. If you can't afflord one, tell the bishop. He will help. Never forget, there is always hope. You have a fellowship of complete strangers that care about your recovery! Good luck."
posted at 16:36:36 on January 9, 2010 by Anonymous
Thankyou    
"Thankyou so much for your kind words. However I live in Sydney Australia and am planning to see the church counsellor there. I know the things that I have done is wrong and I know that if I continue it may lead into criminal behaviour. This is only urging me more to repent now and stop the deeds I am committing as I have already caused enough pain to those I love and hold dear.

I have also confessed my sins to the people I have hurt and their families and I hope that by doing this it may provide me with more strngth to work towards forgiveness. however it is the addiction itself that is the problem."
posted at 17:47:18 on January 9, 2010 by Gintama101
Moderated    
"Hi Gintama101. I hope you're feeling hope and not despair. It's very hard to admit our problems and own up to them, but it sounds like you're trying to do that. I had to moderate your original post just a bit. It's important that we temper what we're writing a bit so that we don't trigger others into temptation. So we try to stay away from explicit depictions of activities, and sins, and body parts. Sometimes it is important for ourselves to just be able to write unedited. If you need to do that, there is an option to keep the post private and only viewable by you. That is a great option for those times when you need to get out a lot of nasty stuff but don't want to trigger others. I hope this slight edit (I deleted 5 words in the first paragraph and replaced them with 3 words) won't upset you and that you can still find help here. We can all help and strengthen each other when we work together. Keep up the fight!"
posted at 08:41:16 on January 10, 2010 by derek
G'Day    
"G'Day mate,

Using the 12 Steps to learn how to apply the atonement, she'll be right. I served my mission in Brisbane. I’ve read all your posts to get to know you, but I thought I would just reply to this one.

Know that we all love you. We feel your pain because we have been there and experienced all the shame, self loathing, fear, depression etc. etc. The 12 Steps are just a very powerful way to apply the atonement to ANY problem that we may be dealing with. They really work. I’ve gone about as far as you have, and I started younger and went until I was 39 before starting recovery. My best friend in the program went to prison because of his sexual addiction. We have both found peace and healing through this program, just like many others. YOU CAN TOO!

You can find the Church’s 12 Step manual online at ldsfamilyservices.org. You can also find schedules of meetings, or in your case, meeting. There is one on Tuesday nights at the Michinbury Chapel. If that isn’t close enough or you feel the need for more than one a week, you can always push for another through your local priesthood leaders to get another one. Just go to the Family Services site and click on the “addiction recovery program” link. You can download the manual on the right and there is a link towards the bottom for “addiction recovery support groups” that gets you to the schedules.

I wish I had more time to type, but I needed to leave about 30 minutes ago. This was more important.

Please don’t listen to Satan’s lies. All that negative talk inside your head is coming from him. It isn’t the truth. It isn’t the way your Heavenly Father feels about you. He designed the atonement so that it would take care of Gintama101. He wants you back and will do everything you will let Him do to make that happen. Whatever you need, ask Him for. He has told us to do that repeatedly. I’ve been able to find 77 times. Please google “forgiven thomas blackshear”. You will find one of my favorite pictures. I believe this is how we all start in recovery. Not able to even stand on our own. Not really willing to completely let go of our addictions and other shortcomings, but if we sincerely ask Him for help He is right there to carry us to where we need to go.

God is still a god of miracles. Just as Christ healed the sick, He can heal us of ALL that we deal with. The lame didn’t walk away from Him with a limp. The lepers weren’t left semi-cleansed. If we have faith in Him and work the 12 Steps (atonement) we will be made whole as well.

We love you brother and have been praying for you even before you found this site.

Love,
John"
posted at 17:04:34 on January 13, 2010 by justjohn


Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004