hmmm am I addicted?
By endure
1/4/2010 4:33:24 PM
Well here it is a new year and I thought I was doing so good. My pattern seems to be going with several weeks in between viewing on line filth. This has been going on for some time now. Years. I go several weeks and feel good about my status then fall into the trap again. I recorded a calendar last year. 6 times viewing but never acted out til today. I got back from holiday vacation and not had incident since October 24th. My filter had expired and like a cheap skate I emailed the filter company to try and get a disconunt. In the mean time I found my self surfing since the filter was only half working ended up acting out. Arggggh! Why did I have to be such a cheap skate. Talk about playing with fire. I know I have the make up to be very addicted to porn like most men. I have been very open with my wife, I tell her when I am having serious temptations and often that is enough to strengthen me.

My filter has been a huge deterrent for me. So there I just signed up and paid full price for 2 years. I know its not a fix all but it's a big help. My wife holds all the passwords. So I don't know if I have a really bad habit or an addiction that manifest itself bimonthly. Either way any amount of sin falls short of the presence of God. thanks for all your blogs, it has strengthened the past few months. Now not to let my guard down after several weeks past. It has been easy to avoid after right after viewing as the guilt is still there. But after several weeks I feel great. Like it has been several years. Don't know if this blog helps anyone but I will be able to go back and read it.


If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...    
"I usually figure that if you have tried to quit three times and haven’t made it stick go ahead and call it addiction. Either way the 12 Steps can fix it. They can fix anything because they are really just a detailed way to apply the Atonement; particularly if you use an LDS focused 12 Step program/workbook like the church recovery program.

If it can work for me it can work for anyone. I must be about the slowest learner in the world as far as this goes, but it is working for me. I am finally really doing my little part and letting God do His big part. The freedom I have now sure beats being led around by a ring in my nose like lust used to do. It owned me!

The Savior heals, cleanses & frees. It really does work."
posted at 18:41:03 on January 4, 2010 by justjohn
Its addiction    
"If you have not been able to say this is the last time and then actually make it the last time, I feel its addiction. You have all these filters in place, and you probably know what would happen if you didn't have them in place, you would make the mistake.

My wife used to know the password to the computer, but if she left without logging out, I would struggle to not make the mistake. I told myself I could overcome it on my own, I didn't do it that often, other people have a worse addiction, etc. I was wrong. It was an addiction.

Once I recognized that I had an addiction, no matter how seldom I seemed to do the mistake, it helped me to seek out the correct help. Of course I am only talking about something I realized three weeks ago. I went to my Bishop, and the love and care he showed me helped me understand that no matter how gross the sin seems to me, there are people out there who genuinely care about my well being. In the process of overcoming this weakness I hope I will be able to share what I've learned to help people. I am still selfish, but I desire to be unselfish. Selfishness only made me do the same mistake.

I am going to start attending meetings and I will probably come across people who have had the addiction longer or seemed to do it more, but I am as much as an addict as they are and I need the same help. Once we have let ourselves fall into this sin we are going to have to resist this temptation for the rest of our lives. The thing is though, everyone has something that they struggle with. I know I will never take a drink. I have never had one, nor desired to have one, though I know people who struggle with that. The good thing is the savior will help us out. I am sure you know all this, and I don't mean to ramble.

Going to the Bishop really helped me and I hope that going to the meetings will continue to help me. Whether or not it will work for you, I don't know. Its up to you. Its a good first step though to seek help. Its also good to ask those who have struggled with the same thing to see if you have an addiction. Hang in there. The Lord loves you."
posted at 18:49:39 on January 6, 2010 by repenting
update on addiction    
"Well I looked at some filth again. I was surfing when I knew I shouldnt. Sometimes I think Im strong all by my self. I have done some soul searching this past month after your responses. Thank you I had to really think about them. Im still trying to come to terms of being an addict. Thanks for your post REPENTING. I think I was justifying myself. Because it wasnt every day and rarely acted out than I wasnt an addict. The truth is if there wasnt for a filter than it would happen for frequent. I have not been able to stop even if it is intermittent. When I told my wife about the filter not being renewed the part the bothered her the most was it did not take long for the filter to be off for me to mess up. That caused me to do some serious reflection.

When I am alone I am weak. It seems that when I am alone it is only a matter of time before I start surfing for filth. It hit me when I said to myself I don't own or watch Rated R movies. But the things of have seen are far worse. So of course I was having the hypocrite conversation with my self. Whether a professional will call my actions addiction or not, it matters not. I am nothing without the Lord. I cannot overcome the natural man without him. And taking a self inventory my prayers have not been up to reality. I give thanks, I ask for blessings for me and others. That's it. I ask for forgiveness only when I have done something really bad like look at porn. It hit me today that I have to repent everyday. I hear it at church all the time. Did I really think I was that good or that special that I did not need to repent every day. Whew! This has been an eye opener. Thank you REPENTING AND JUSTJOHN. For taking the time to help a total stranger. May the Lord bless you both."
posted at 13:11:43 on February 6, 2010 by endure
hmmm you sound like me    
"The temptations you give into and the frequency with which you give into them makes your situation sound exactly like mine when I am struggling the most. You are even honest and open with your wife, as I have always been.

I think we are addicted. And with God's help, the 12 steps, and each other (we are on the same team), we can do better."
posted at 17:57:51 on February 6, 2010 by BeClean
One Day at a Time    

I am glad you came back. There is so much for you to look forward to. The 12 Step method of applying the Atonement can work on anything. ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING! The wonderful thing is that regardless of the severity of your problem, Christ has paid the bill and can make you whole again. Your last paragraph says it all. We are nothing without the Lord. And it really doesn’t matter who “we” is, from Pres. Monson down to me. When I hear someone like Boyd K. Packer talk about his decision to turn his agency over to the Lord, I am amazed that they could come to that point without having the snot beat out of them like I had to. But regardless of who we are Christ is ready to take on the job. In fact He already has and we just need to do our small part so that he can finish it up. I’ve used the 12 Steps to help me solve/improve all sorts of problems: sexual addiction, depression, job hunting, sugar addiction, anger and healing from things that happened to me. It can really help your wife as well. I agree with the every day thing as well. My recovery is in a really good place right now, but I feel I need God’s help every day to get me through and keep it going.

Take care,
posted at 12:29:39 on February 8, 2010 by justjohn
Yes. You're an addict.    
"You know, admitting I was an addict was the most liberating, wonderful feeling I had had in a long time. I've been clean for about 70 days now. I am still an addict. I just had to realize again this morning that I am powerless on my own. That i need the Lords help to overcome this.

It sounds like you are on the right path. You've started the program and have seen your bishop. As long as you trust in Christ and do your part you will overcome this.

So go ahead and admit you are an addict. It's a huge relief."
posted at 11:08:19 on February 9, 2010 by Iwillnot

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"My spiritual prescription includes six choices which I shall list alphabetically, A through F:
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    General Conference, October 1988