By toes_23
12/14/2009 8:28:45 PM

I don't think I have ever been this upset before!The bishop took my recommend away because we didn't pay tithing for TWO paychecks last winter, almost a year ago! If he asked me today if during a temple recommend interview if I thought I was a full tithe payer I would say yes! We talked as a couple MONTHS ago and repented because we weren't being very vigilant in our tithes, but as of the last 10 months, we have been flawless.

Doesn't that count for anything? Doesn't the bishop think we have enough problems already? I REALLY wanted to go to the temple this week!! I hardly ever have the time to go, but this week I had the opportunity to go twice. My mom asked us if we wanted to trade babysitting for a temple night this week and I just don't know what to say to her, and a friend and I had an appointment with each other to go on Wednesday. I needed to go this week! My husband has his recommend taken away a couple of weeks ago, and I had plans to go to the temple so that I would be able to come to terms with his situation. I needed to feel that peace. I feel like I have been unfairly judged by someone who wasn't looking at the entire picture. I feel like he was looking for a way to put me in the same boat as my spouse. I haven't messed up in 300 days. doesn't that mean anything??? Part of me wants to throw it all away so that I feel like there's a "good" reason to not have my recommend.....!!


Don't throw anything away!    
"Please don't give up on your sobriety! You'll have your recommend back before you even know it, as long as you abide in the gospel. The rules and laws exist to protect us, even though they can be so upsetting at times.

If you're frustrated, go to the gym or do pushups/situps/jogging at home, write a poem, go for a car ride, eat something bitter like grapefruit or cranberries, clean your house, call your sponsor or someone from group and tell them what you're going through, let God know how upset you are and how unfair your situation feels, do ANYTHING besides acting out!

As for your recommend, don't let it bother you. Tell your mom the truth - you got behind with your tithing. There's nothing shameful about that, it can happen to anyone. I understand how it feels to be without a recommend, and I want you to know that I feel for you. Even though I've had my recommend for months now, I feel sick when I go inside the temple because I haven't forgiven myself yet. I have found that I gain just as much spiritual strength and renewal from sitting outside the temple and meditating, than I do from going inside. Maybe doing that will help you accept your situation and move past your frustration.

I'm so sorry, Toes. I agree with you 100%. Your situation is unfair. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. I was actually just thinking about you earlier this morning, and I said a prayer for you and your husband. Please don't give up, you have so much to gain by staying clean. "
posted at 01:39:32 on December 15, 2009 by ETTE
Please be humble    
"Toes, we all feel for you. Whether we have had our temple recommends taken from us or not, we have all had the Spirit withdraw at some point, and we have been unable to feel certain blessings in our life. It is a glorious thing when the Spirit, those blessings, and the opportunities of the temple return.

Whatever you do, DON'T push away the Spirit or the Lord at this time. Don't "throw it all away"! If your Bishop made a mistake, do NOT use it to rationalize sin. Two wrongs do NOT make a right. Although your Bishop can prevent you from entering the temple, only YOU can move yourself away from the Savior. Do NOT go there!

May I offer additional advice? I'm going to anyway. I hope you will take it the right way--I pray for you and want everything to go well for you. Ultimately, however, how you take what I say is up to you.

The Bishop is a duly called, appointed, and ordained judge in Israel. He is not perfect, and you may not agree with his every decision, but you have agreed to sustain him in his calling.

One of his responsibilities, for which he will answer to God, is to ensure that no one partakes of sacred ordinances unworthily. Another of his responsibilities is to do what he feels is in your best interest to help you humbly repent and come closer to Christ. Can you imagine how difficult his job is? Most Bishops do the best they can, but they make mistakes.

Toes, one of the temple recommend interview questions asks whether you are a full tithe payer. You suggest that you are. Excellent!

Another question asks whether you sustain the local authorities of the Church. How would you answer that one? The unfortunate truth is that if you cannot sustain your Bishop, who presides over your ward, then you "fail" the temple recommend interview.

With all the love I have, I invite you to humbly repent of anything you may have done wrong (we all have things to repent of), submit yourself to the will of God, and sincerely sustain your Bishop. At this trying time in your life, such a response will bring the most blessings. If you do this, I promise the blessings of the temple will return to your life, and this experience will be nothing more than a fading memory."
posted at 09:38:48 on December 15, 2009 by BeClean
"I feel pretty frustrated for you as well. That's kinda rough to have a recommend taken away because of tithing. All I can say now is to do a step 4 about this. I have a really good set up for it that might help. Basically, you are powerless over this situation. What's done is done. Come to believe that with the help of Heavenly Father, you can work through this situation and get your recommend back. Become willing to turn this over to Him and let him deal with it, it's His problem now and He'll be more then happy to deal with it for you. There is more to doing the step 4 for this but hopefully this will help in the meantime. I love you tons, Toes. You are amazing and you can get through this and be okay. You've been through worse and come out just fine."
posted at 16:11:55 on December 15, 2009 by Matrix
"I would just like to say that I haven't messed up. I am still frustrated about the situation. I'm not really "mad" at the bishop, and I do sustain him, I just wish he had talked to me privately about it (not with my kids and husband in the room...) that way I could have asked him honest questions and gotten honest answers (as apposed to censoring things because the kids were in the room). I have come to terms with and even feel (mostly) like the bishop is in the right, I just wish he had gone about it differently."
posted at 19:55:10 on December 15, 2009 by toes_23
"Hurrah! We're so glad you haven't messed up. That shows you love God more. You are going to get through this trial, too.

Thanks for not taking offense at any of my thoughts or suggestions. I don't want to offend anyone...only help with love.

PS I can totally understand the position of believing the Bishop to be (mostly) in the right, but still being frustrated by the way he approached the issue. Again, Bishops aren't perfect.

You're doing great. Keep up the good work!

With love,"
posted at 00:19:20 on December 16, 2009 by BeClean
I'm proud of you!    
"You're doing so well! I think it's so cool that you refuse to give in, in spite of being frustrated. Keep moving forward, we all want you to succeed!"
posted at 00:35:24 on December 16, 2009 by ETTE
"I had a long talk with my sister about it last night, she doesn't know the "whole" story, but she was able to give some really awesome advice. -- She basically said go talk to the bishop about it-- then she made me promise to call the executive secratary after she hung up with me. and I did, and I still don't have an appointment yet, but I think by the time we actually have the appointment my "time will be served"... or at least I will have an opportunity for him to clarify things for me.

posted at 15:07:22 on December 17, 2009 by Anonymous
We may be next    
"Sounds like a good plan. I'm sure that as you humbly and prayerfully approach the Bishop, you and he can learn God's will for you. Obviously, God's will (and I dare say the Bishop's will) is for you to return to the temple, but prayerful submission may reveal exactly how to get there.

You are a good person, Toes. You are doing very well with this trial and setting a good example for us all. We all know it could be any one of us in your shoes."
posted at 23:11:20 on December 17, 2009 by BeClean
hang in there    
"Sometimes Heavenly Father allows us to be tested, challenged, refined, whatever you want to call it. Sometimes those trials come in the form of other people.

Just remember that He loves you, even if it doesn't always feel like other people do. He allows our faith to be tested because he loves us and wants eternal progression.

Hang in there.

posted at 10:39:42 on December 18, 2009 by jhamilton75
"Toes, how are you? We miss you. How about an update."
posted at 18:27:14 on February 5, 2010 by BeClean
First things first    
"Did you miss the payments because of some mistake or did you deliberately say, I am not gonna pay my tithing? But if things haven't changed have you considered talking to the Stake President? My wife and I experienced some things along the same line as you have and we talked to our stake president. He was furious that the bishop was doing the things he was and allowed us to change wards. It was interesting. Bishops are called, and who the lord calls the lord qualifies, but they are capable of receiveing the revelation they need, it doesn't mean they always listen. Each case is different. You will know."
posted at 03:43:36 on February 6, 2010 by Anonymous
"I'm doing pretty good. Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile, this semester has been frightfully busy.

I did go and talk to my bishop again last Sunday-- I've been praying to have a softer heart towards the decision he had made, and I'm sorry to report that I still feel really bitter about it.

with regards to "Anonymous" It wasn't that we deliberately said we weren't going to pay our tithing, we honestly forgot, it was just a couple of pay checks (one of them the check was written, then put through the washing machine and just got forgotten..) I think I was unfairly punished, and could hardly look my bishop in the eyes for the last month or so... Like I said, It's something I'm still praying for... but I think if I relapse, I'm going to talk to my stake president instead of the bishop. BUT I WON'T relapse ;) so it won't be an issue :D

I did meet with him this last Sunday and he felt that it would be okay for me to be able to get my recommend back. ... even though I still hadn't paid tithing yet because my current income is $0.

So anyway, things have been pretty busy for me lately.. I think too busy to even mess up... it sounds like a faulty way to stay "clean" but I have been doing some other things in my life lately to hoard off Satan. I think I'm going to blog about that when I'm done posting this so I won't bore you by repeating it.

posted at 20:59:57 on February 8, 2010 by toes_23

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"Strength comes from uplifting music, good books, and feasting from the scriptures. Since the Book of Mormon was to come forth “when there shall be great pollutions upon the face of the earth” (Morm. 8:31), study of that book in particular will fortify us."

— Russell M. Nelson

General Conference, October 1988