Having a difficult time
By adrastos
11/19/2009 3:33:42 PM
I'm having a hard time, my work load is unbearable, I'm always behind, we're having difficulties with money (who isn't I know), and I've just been getting depressed during the day.

I click on something I shouldn't have, it was p0rn, but it was pretty much trying to get you there, and then I made another click, but the filter blocked it. Saved by default, still feel lousy. I've been having such a difficult time lately. What I usually do when I'm having a hard time is fall into the addiction for relief (seeing how that really solves anything). There just isn't enough time or money to keep up with all that I need to keep up with.

But I did have a success this morning. I woke up @rroused which I would act on in the past, but this time I prayed myself through it. That was a huge step for me. I'm glad God gave me a freebie by blocking that picture today, but I feel foolish for even trying.

Well, because todays event didn't go south like it very well could have been, I have been clean for 14 days with out looking at p0rn and I haven't completely acted out since Oct 31st. But I need some help.


Hang in there!    
"A Favorite Poem

Author unknown
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won, had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit."
posted at 17:58:56 on November 19, 2009 by aug7change
so close    
"I pulled this up just when I would have most likely messed up, my wife is mad at me over something I didn't have control over, I'm at work late, alone. The temptation right now was high, opportunity is here, emotions are over loaded with stress and anger, never good. But I find myself reading the line of that poem:

"So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit."

I still feel down, hurt, depressed, overwhelmed, but I'm not going to mess up right now, its just not worth it. "
posted at 18:08:07 on November 19, 2009 by adrastos
Stick to the things you can change...    
"and the things that are out of your control, ie. bills, wife's anger, difficult schedule, let Heavenly Father solve. The thing we can control, and only for this very second, is our ability to abstain and reach out for help (like you've already done). Maybe we'll fail in 5 or 10 minutes but this very moment we have the Grace to abstain. Breathe...and committ to abstain for one more minute. repeat process."
posted at 18:17:33 on November 19, 2009 by Anonymous
"Way to go, looking to this site for stregnth. I've found power here too. Tell yourself "I can't speak for tomorrow, but today I WILL NOT FAIL!

Next tonight open up to your wife, and demonstrate that you can deal with stress in a healthy way.

Good job!"
posted at 18:18:30 on November 19, 2009 by aug7change
He knows you can    
"Good job. You are going to make it. Today is tough. Today has not been fun.

But today is different! Smile. God gave you another opportunity to show yourself you CAN do this. (He already knows you can.) He's going to help."
posted at 18:28:05 on November 19, 2009 by BeClean
Progressive victory over lust...    
"You're doing it, Adrastos. Don't be down on yourself, you should be celebrating. You're abstaining from situations that you said would have caused you to act out in the past. Think about that for a minute!

By relying on the Lord, you are accepting help from someone so much stronger than all of us. From what I've seen in my own recovery, if we rely on the Lord and end up gaining a few victories over the addiction, then we can more easily accept the Lord's help if ever we should fall, because we remember how He helped us when we had success. You're doing so great, continue to stay close to the Lord, it's so much easier that way!"
posted at 23:10:51 on November 19, 2009 by ETTE
thanks for the help    
"I'm still struggling, but I want to thank you all for your comments. This website has helped me, even just now when the thought came to me that it might be a good moment to try to look at something, instead I came here. I appreciate your comments."
posted at 17:21:22 on November 23, 2009 by adrastos
Hip Hip Hurrah!    
"YES!!! YES!!!! I know my response it late, but I'm just so excited. I rejoice with you.

Well done, Adrastos. Come here instead of elsewhere. Three cheers!"
posted at 22:01:42 on November 30, 2009 by BeClean

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"In recent years, as I have sung the hymns of the Atonement, it has been with an especially full heart—and also with full voice, when I can continue to sing—lines such as “How great thou art,” “I scarce can take it in,” “To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,” “I stand all amazed,” and “Oh, it is wonderful!”"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987