I wish I could feel the Spirit again...
11/7/2009 3:37:53 PM
I have been sick with pneumonia for about a week now, so I haven't been able to go to school or go anywhere actually. The last week has gone much better than I expected, but I think a lot of that was because my fever has been so high, and I've felt so sick that I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on a bad thought for long, even if I wanted to.

Yesterday, my fever finally subsided, so I called up my old friends - the friends I'm trying to stay away from - and we watched a bunch of rated-R movies together. I knew the movies we were watching weren't appropriate, but I didn't want to be the one to say anything about it or get up and leave because that would be awkward, so I tried to stare at the ground during the bad parts.

Last night, I had one filthy dream after the other, and all of them were connected to the bad movies I had seen. Today hasn't been any better, it's just that instead of dreaming about the bad movies, now I'm fantasizing about them.

I've tried so hard to turn this over to the Lord, but I feel like the Lord isn't listening to me right now. I feel so trapped, I feel like acting out is the only option that makes any sense, but I hate acting out! With or without the Lord, I want to be sober for me! It's just that it's so much easier when I can hand it over to the Lord.

What do I have to do to get back on the right path and feel close to the Lord again? Can anyone please help me? I feel so tempted and so alone without the Spirit.


Win the Battle    
"In your time of difficult - choose to win the battle.

“Some day, in the years to come, you will be wrestling with the great temptation, or trembling under the great sorrow of your life. But the real struggle is here, now…Now it is being decided whether, in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer. Character cannot be made except by a steady, long continued process.” – Phillips Brooks"
posted at 19:00:52 on November 7, 2009 by sonofgod
"Pneumonia? That's serious. I hope you are on the mend. Whenever I get sick, it thows my whole program for a loop. That's when I really need to reach out to other addicts and be reminded that there is hope and that things will get better. I feel for you and hope that you recover real soon. Get well."
posted at 13:21:58 on November 8, 2009 by Anonymous
He never failed me yet.    
"Thanks for the fast reply, SONOFGOD, I would have done something stupid if I hadn't read that. It gave me the boost of confidence and will power I needed to hold on for just a little longer.

So it turns out the Lord was listening to me, I was just too distracted to shut up and listen to Him. Things got a lot better when I finally did, though. Although the temptations and urges are still strong today, I have the Spirit with me again, and I can turn my problems over to the Lord.

Oh yeah, Anonymous, thanks for caring. I'm just glad I have a sickness with a cool French name, instead of something stupid-sounding like, "Swine Flu," or "H1N1." Seriously though, I am getting better every day, and I've felt the hand of the Lord in my recovery. Please keep me in your prayers, I'm getting behind in school at a crucial point in the semester."
posted at 14:01:14 on November 8, 2009 by ETTE
Does this need a title? :)    
"Coming to the site is a step in the right direction, Ette. Watching Mormon Messages on YouTube can help, too...unless you've told yourself to keep away from the video sites. And I always enjoy hearing "Come Thou Fount" by the BYU Choirs on YouTube. These things help me regain a semblance of spirituality.

Then, when you are feeling a little closer to the Lord, speak to him as openly and sincerely as possible, and then read the scriptures to let him speak to you.

I know you know these things already, but I also know that when I'm struggling, I sometimes forget the basics. Good luck. Feel better. We love & pray for you."
posted at 17:45:50 on November 8, 2009 by BeClean
give yourself some credit    
"I find that my hardest times come when I am sick, I just feel too sick to do anything and everything feels so gross, that it's the "only" thing I can do to feel better.

SO good job staying clean for that week! You should give yourself some credit."
posted at 19:38:01 on November 10, 2009 by godsdaughter
Ha ha ha!    
""cool french name" I like that!"
posted at 20:34:03 on November 10, 2009 by Anonymous

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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004