Reminders that Healing is Necessary Part 1
By needhelp38
11/4/2009 12:39:02 PM
I know that I need to journal more often, but I can't beat myself up, I just need to be steady and diligent. In the past couple of months I have been so busy & have been just trying to keep my head above water with my job and everything. (I am a live-in nanny for some tough kids and an equally tough single Dad.) Discovering this site & finally blogging about what I have been through, particularly in the last six months, has awakened me to the realization that I have some serious recovery & healing to do. It's hard because I haven't even finished blogging my whole story, which is frustrating because it makes more sense to know all of my background, but I felt prompted to just write my thoughts for today.

In short, I found out almost five months ago that my now ex-boyfriend who was struggling with a porn addiction as well as SEVERE depression, anxiety & suicidal thoughts, had sex with a prostitute about six weeks previous to my finding out. The untold as of yet part of my story is how it came to be that he & I have had no contact with each other for the last 2.5 months.

It is quite incredible & almost scary sometimes how well I have been handling the situation when I consider that not only did I learn something like this about the young man that I was, (and still) am in love with, but especially since I have struggled with & am currently taking meds for anxiety, depression & ADD, (I'm sure many others on this site struggle with similar things), & also considering that I have an EXTREMELY stressful job.

I have moments when I seem to realize the full weight of what I have been through & what he did, but sometimes I think a mixture of spiritual & psychological factors almost suppress my mind from fully realizing what happened in order to keep me from having a nervous breakdown. I say that it is sometimes scary because I wonder if one of these days the realization is going to hit me & I am going to crash. I realize that this is an irrational fear & that I just need to take care of myself, continue to do what I know is right & take it one day at a time.

Part 2 -


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"Man has a dual nature; one, related to the earthly or animal life; the other, akin to the divine. Whether a man remains satisfied within what we designate the animal world, satisfied with what the animal world will give him, yielding without effort to the whim of his appetites and passions and slipping farther and farther into the realm of indulgence, or whether, through self-mastery, he rises toward intellectual, moral, and spiritual enjoyments depends upon the kind of choice he makes every day, nay, every hour of his life"

— David O. McKay