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First Post: Part 2
By needhelp38
10/23/2009 11:09:09 PM
Continued from: http://www.ldsar.org/ViewBlog.aspx?EntryId=5471 />
I rarely left his side for the next couple of weeks & I learned that he truly agonized because we had amazing scripture study sessions together for the rest of my visit, would jog together & have incredible conversations, etc, and he said that he felt awful that he didn't feel that kind of passion for me & wished that he could. He informed me that if he were mentally healthy & felt that kind of attraction that he would have proposed to me right then because everything else he wanted in a girl was there.

I left my parents & went back to where I lived & proceeded to talk to him every day & chatting with him over Skype. We kept growing closer and closer, talking about when we could see each other again, and I fell deeper in love with him. I could tell that his feelings for me were growing more fond with each day. In mid-July was the worst phone conversation of my life. I had spent so much time trying to do and say exactly the right thing for him and he had constantly validated me and uplifting me when the "real" him came out because of the gratitude he felt towards me. We had gotten to the point where there were no secrets between us. On this particular night, I could not help him because of what I learned. He said, "(My name), I'm going to tell you something very heavy that I have not felt prompted to tell you until now but you will now know everything. About a month or six weeks ago, I had s-x with a prostitute."

To this day I know it was divine intervention that kept me on the phone for 15 minutes longer listening to him as I felt the earth under my feet crumbling out from underneath me. Oh, I am so glad I found this site because as I type this I realize how deep this all is and that I need to deal with it. As I re-live the pain I felt on that day, (I can't believe it was only about three months ago), my heart is absolutely wrenched with ache for all of the wives out there who experience this. If I felt as much pain as I did, for a young man who I loved, (and still love very much), but had made no kind of commitment to, then what kind of pain do all of the wives on this site and everywhere else feel when they find out something like this from their eternal companion?

I will type more later, but I think I need to post what I have so far while I am feeling brave.

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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004