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A battle I want to end!
By davee1985
4/26/2009 12:51:25 PM
This website has been very helpful. I want to thank everyone for the encouraging blogs. I have been struggling with masturbation for the last 10 years. I feel very embarrassed that it is something that I’m still battling with. I have thought some many times that I had moved on and had conquered my bad habit. I was able to quit in order to serve a mission. After my mission I had a relapse but got it under control very quickly. I got married a year after my mission. Life was going great I hadn’t messed up in over a year I never thought it would happen again. 2 month into marriage I messed up. I felt like the worst person in the world. I got it under control, I thought then I messed up 8 months later. It has been an ongoing battle for me. I just can’t seem to put it behind me forever. My marriage has been pretty much been destroyed because of my masturbation and dishonesty to my wife. I feel so bad I put her in this situation. She has done nothing wrong. She is an amazing person. I wish so bad I could take back all the pain I have caused her. I have been clean for the 3 or 4 weeks. I just hope I don’t ever fall again. I also hope I can somehow fix the damage I have caused in my marriage. I have been trying so hard to invite Christ into my life. I’ve been reading my scriptures every day and praying. It has helped so much. I know that I can overcome this trial if I put my faith in the lord.

Comments:

terrified    
"this is the kind of thing that terrifies me. i'm twenty one right now, i don't want to have to fight this all my life. i don't want to end up hurting a spouse. i mean if you struggle with this all your life doesn't that mean you die in your sins? just out of curiosity did you tell your wife about your problem while you were dating? personally i feel like i don't want to date members. if i told someone i was dating i'd assume they would break things off and maybe even tell others in the ward. i look for christians of other faiths who have similar morals. it seems like they tend to know it is wrong but don't assume i'm a horrible person because of it."
posted at 17:35:49 on April 26, 2009 by shadow
Believe    
"This is a very difficult thing to overcome, I have heard it compared to heroin in the extent to which people can become addicted to it. I know that it is possible though. You have to believe.

Also, to Shadow--do not let this problem determine your life. This is a sin, yes. But it does not make you a "horrible person". Each person on this earth has the difficult (and impossible without divine help) task of controlling the natural man. While this takes a different form for different people, it is just as real for the person struggling to control the urge to gossip, or the urge to lie, or to be prideful as the person struggling with a physical addiction. Satan wants to make us miserable and he has two great tools--making us believe we are more powerful and more great than we are, and making us believe we are more worthless and evil than we are. He uses both of these tools to keep addicts in a state of misery. He makes us think we are more powerful than we are by convincing us that we don't need the Savior, our bishops, support groups etc.--that we can do it on our own. Then when we fall, he convinces us that it is hopeless, that we are not worthy of the Lord's love and help and that we should just give up and join him in the muck, because it is "easier" that way. These are both lies. There is hope. You may fall, but Satan does not win when we fall, he wins when we stop trying to get up again. And even if you do struggle with it your whole life, I do not believe that means that you have "died in your sins". God sent us here, knowing that we would not be perfect, knowing that we would sin (every day to one degree or another), but he have us the beautiful atonement, that in the covenant we make with Christ we might be cleansed from all of our sins and be made pure. There is a great book called BELIEVING CHRIST and it talks about how we are expected to give everything we have and that Christ will make up the difference--whatever the difference is.

Do not avoid life and the joys that it holds (including relationships and marriage) because of fear. Fear is the absence of faith. Have faith that in and through Christ all things are possible. I love you, I know God loves you and I know that he will accept any sincere offering we give him. Believe that it is possible."
posted at 22:02:18 on April 26, 2009 by ican


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"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006