By shadow
3/24/2009 1:13:42 PM
so i have met a girl, she isn't a member but i can see potential, she has a wonderful spirit and is a good person. i decided i should tell her about my weakness, i expected her to not be interested anymore but she was understanding and supportive and told of that she has occasional similar problems. it seems like she is doing much better than i at staying sober. i have been told on another board that it is wrong of me to pursue a relationship. i disagreed but am worried i only have a issue with mb not porn. i respect women and don't see myself doing anything otherwise. am i wrong-


heck no    
"Just because we have an addiction, we don't stop life, and wait for an all is well, before we start living again. We should not avoid relationships, this addiction isolates us enough. I would say see what life takes you, ask FATHER what direction you should take. Don't listen to what a bunch of sex addicts say, without consulting HIM. She might be just what you need to stay clean. You might be just what she needs to find the gospel.
I wish you well!!!"
posted at 15:38:01 on March 24, 2009 by harveyf
Check your tuner    
"Harvey’s right. One thing I might add is that you have to make sure you aren’t going into it for the wrong reasons. As addicts our thinking is often a illogical. I’ve never known anyone to be cured of sexual addiction by getting married. Every time a newcomer to a porn/sexual addiction meeting is telling their story and says, “and then I got married…” a number of people smile because they could almost say the next phrase in unison with them, “… and I thought it would go away.”

On the other hand, the support of a good woman is immeasurable. I hate to think where I would be without my wife. She has helped me in too many ways to number.

The other caution I would add is to make sure you are listening to the Spirit instead of yourself. I am always questioning myself when I am praying about something that I really want. It is hard to separate my feelings from His inspiration.

I have a brother-in-law who happens to be a porn addict and it seems like every girl he has dated a half dozen times is “the one”. And he says he has prayed about each one. He is now on marriage #2. This one was going to be so much better than the last one and there was a long list of reasons why it was right. I had to bite my tongue because he doesn’t seem to be recovering and they had known each other for only a couple of months when the got married. I hope they make it, but it is starting to already look like the “honeymoon period is wearing off.

If the Lord says it is right then it is."
posted at 17:34:40 on March 24, 2009 by Anonymous
How old are you, Shadow?    
"Suggestions for a 17 year old might be different than for a 24 year old."
posted at 19:52:16 on March 24, 2009 by Anonymous
How old I am.    
"I'm 21. And thank you for the responses so far."
posted at 21:01:48 on March 24, 2009 by shadow
21 is a good age    
"My wife was not a member when we got married. After 3 years being married she got baptized. Dating members may be an easier way to go but I wouldn't know. All I know is that I can't imagine what life would be like without my wife. We're best friends. I consider us lucky. Some married couples I know don't have that. Good luck."
posted at 23:31:54 on March 24, 2009 by Anonymous
isolation = bad    
"don't isolate yourself. If you don't want to live like an addict, then don't live like one, and part of living like one is a self-imposed isolation with few meaningful relationships. Sometimes you should wait on things until you are ready or worthy, like temple attendance or sacrament and such, but I can't think of any reason where building a solid, good relationship is a bad thing. Just make sure it is for the right reasons.

Good luck"
posted at 01:19:27 on March 28, 2009 by shale
"I would say that it is fine to pursue a relationship, I agree with Shale that isolation is one of the worst things for an addict, and just makes it easier to act out. I would say, however, that you should take things really slowly. Develop a real friendship before getting too involved romantically."
posted at 01:26:58 on March 28, 2009 by ican

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"The Savior teaches that we will have tribulation in the world, but we should "be of good cheer" because He has "overcome the world". His Atonement reaches and is powerful enough not only to pay the price for sin but also to heal every mortal affliction… He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the good Samaritan in His parable, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He binds up our wounds and cares for us. Brothers and sisters, the healing power of His Atonement is for you, for us, for all. "

— Dallin H. Oaks

General Conference October 2006