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Grateful for the small successes
By purityquest
2/9/2009 2:35:09 AM
I should be really upset and disappointed. My 30 day Book of Mormon challenge ended yesterday- and I'm less than 3/4 of the way done. I got behind and it just started adding up. I know i could have done better, applied myself more, etc. I feel bad that I let the others on this site down, the ones who got the idea of the challenge from me. I am sorry for that.

But I'm learning to forgive myself. After all, I took action- and gave it everything I had, especially at first. And it was that immersion in the scriptures that gave me the strength to get over that initial "hump" - (the first week or so of sobriety after a big fall.) And it was the constant reminder in my head that I needed to read and catch up that kept me focused on God and free from overpowering temptation. And I'm 32 days sober today! YAY!! So I may not have perfectly accomplished my reading goal, but an even more important goal is beginning to be achieved- I'm on the path to real recovery.

It feels different this time. I'm tempted, but the Spirit keeps my eyes open so I'm not deceived my some of my old thought patterns, (just once cant hurt... its only pictures, not physical.... I'm cured now so i can ease up a little.... etc.)

Somebody once told me that Satan will put everything into his lies to blind us and trick us into doing what he wants, and when we do he sits back and laughs hysterically because he caused another child of God to fall. Doesn't that just make you sick? What a total jerk! So I try to turn the tables on him- when a suggestion gets whispered in my ear that I know is wrong, I laugh at him and say to myself, "nice try, you liar, but thats not gonna work on me. You sooo lose!" It helps me recognize the lies, and its also kinda fun. :)

So thats where I am. Feeling good and trusting God. So many experiences have shown me lately that He has his hands in everything. There is no point in trying to go it alone. I know I have a long way to go- Ive been sober this long in the past and then lost it, so the worst may be yet to come. But I realize my weakness, and I plan on being very vigilant! Putting on the armor of God, and clinging to the Rod with everything I've got. The peace of being free from this addiction even for a little while is so beautiful- worth defending and protecting with every ounce of strength I have.

And the peace of true repentance and forgiveness? All I can say is: Wow. Go get yourself some of that!

Comments:

congrats on 32 days    
"you have a great attitude!. I wish I had that a few decades ago. I hated myself too much to ever forgive myself, I believed Most of Satans lies, when the wave of temptation hit I would consider it a huricane katrina, and knew I could not resist for long, and I might as well as give in sooner or later because I couldn't do it alone. Many, years have gone by and I am still tempted, the only difference now is that I am not alone, I learned alot about myself to know that a wave is just a wave and it WILL pass. I love what you said about being vigiliant and keeping on the armor of God at all times. I have seen so many of us recovering addicts let our guard down just a little, that armor gets heavy every day, I have gotten lax in my recovery and it is then that Satan chops me down yet again. I am so thankful for the Atonement and the doctine of Grace. thanks for your post. Harveyf"
posted at 09:53:24 on February 9, 2009 by harveyf
32 Days! Outstanding!    
"One day I hope to achieve this marvelous benchmark. Congrats! We have to be thankful for every sober moment and every time we are able to outrun Satan and his dirty tricks. If only we weren't so believing of his reasons and justifications....

-hope4change"
posted at 21:52:59 on February 9, 2009 by hope4change


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"Jesus rejected temptation. When confronted by the great tempter himself, Jesus "[yielded] not to the temptation‚ÄĚ. He countered with scripture. Gospel commandments and standards are our protection also, and like the Savior, we may draw strength from the scriptures to resist temptation."

— D. Todd Christofferson

General Conference October 2006