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Passive Agressive...
By Gondor44646
1/4/2009 8:06:58 PM
Hello.. I just want some understanding and support about this... I feel anyway that I have Identified one of the main themes that makes it difficult for me to overcome my addiction... I think it is my behavior of Passive-agressivnes ... (step 4)

I feel worried about posting, I just feel like an obligation… all of these little fears get me tied up in taking no action… so there, I am going to type even if it’s the same old stupid powerless feeling.

But yeah, it is just the stupid powerless thing again. I might just be tired again. I just feel frustrated over it all. How do I live my life(?) I didn’t do any of my homework over this Christmas brake, typical but why? …Just so that maybe I can avoid the same mistake in the future, but what about now, how do I convince myself to do my homework (or want to)… or honestly my life. I’ll just take it as it is for now. I’m sure finding out my purpose can be a lot better then falling into that black hole…again.

I find it seems to take some time before I actually understand all of these things...Passive-aggressive… I found this one website that I think described me pretty well with that… http://www.coping.org/anger/passive.htm ... (...ug...) the confusion feels so real though… sometimes I don’t even know that I am acting passively… I feel like I should try to tell my mom or family so that they could help/support me if I am acting passively again… ((of course in my mind right now I am thinking about not doing that because of fear…passively again…)) There is a list of counters to passiveness on that website, I’ll keep that in mind throughout my day.

I have a hard time understanding comfort and support from other people on an emotional level… It feels like a defense I put up, like I don’t want to be comforted or I don’t feel like I deserve it… I don’t know, but I sense it can really make things difficult connecting with other people emotionally and for support. Some nights I pretend to be comforted before sleeping… I don’t know how badly I must be hurting for that but somehow I just feel broken.

Ok… That is all, I thank you all for your time, (I’ll try not to obsessively worry about posting again.)

Comments:

Gondor,    
"You asked the question, "How do I live my life?" Perhaps you could practice taking life one day at a time. Try to forget about the future, try to stop dwelling on the past and try to stay focused on today. Maybe you can commit to asking Heavenly Father in the morning to keep you "clean" and to help you get through the day. Then at night thank Him. Practice the hardest part of repentence, "forgiving yourself". Allow yourself to be human but try your best to keep the commandments as if each day was the only day you have; because in fact, today IS the only day we have. Tomorrow may never come and yesterday is just a memory. It can make a big difference when we start each day on our knees in communication with our Creator.
Practice, practice, practice."
posted at 20:48:12 on January 4, 2009 by Anonymous
The Holidays Can Mess Things Up    
"It is so easy to get off track when we have more free time, family activities, expectations and disappointments during the holidays. But here is a nice new Monday, all ready for us to get back to work, back to asking for help, back to healing. Letting regrets overwhelm us to the point that we can't progress might just be another escape mechanism, don't you think?

Good luck."
posted at 22:20:38 on January 4, 2009 by stargazer


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"As Latter-day Saints, we need not look like the world. We need not entertain like the world. Our personal habits should be different. Our recreation should be different. Our concern for family will be different. As we establish this distinctiveness firmly in our life’s pattern, the blessings of heaven await to assist us."

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"Gifts of the Spirit" Ensign, Feb. 2002