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One of the worst days so far...
By hope4change
9/24/2008 2:09:34 AM
Background: I am 16. I am the oldest child that lives in the household. I am very computer literate and have been in charge of the computers and the network and so forth in the house because of my extensive knowledge. Honestly, I wish this wasn't the case. If I could say any one thing to parents (anyone including single adults honestly) across the world it would be this: Don't let your kids be smarter than you with the computer. Content filters are a must from Day 1 of having internet in the household. What makes things worse is my addiction to porn and mb. Yeah. In that equation, things just don't work out. That allows myself to be my own governor which isn't good.

Today, I discovered for the second time in two days that inappropriate content was accessed on another computer in the house (that wasn't me). This is totally ripping me in half. I couldn't control my thoughts and I was just totally blown away.

I believe it was my step-dad as the times coincide with times where my mom wasn't home or when she wasn't with him. I was a little confused with his major increase in using the computer. See, this computer was just barely put in downstairs in the basement in an "office". His free time used to be almost entirely devoted to talking to my mom, watching movies with the family, etc. At one point I walked into this "office" and began to talk to him. I heard several clicks etc before he would respond and then when I walked over to the computer he had another tab open that had an inappropriate word in the title. This led me to install a content filtering system (same as is in place on this computer).

Last night as I checked the content filter logs I found numerous blocked pages that were blocked because of Adult Content. This confirmed my initial feelings and confirmed the reasoning behind why he has been using it so much in comparison to the past.

Today, my step-dad (being almost not at all computer literate) wanted to know if I was the "Computer Administrator". I very quickly said yes and hoped he would not ask further questions. But he did. He wanted me to come and change the Administrator password. I decided that he must've been trying to install software (as that is the only thing blocked that isn't on the internet). I willingly allow him to choose a password for the account and left him to his browsing.

Later, he comes up and tells me that it was still blocked and that it didn't accept the password he chose. I gladly go downstairs and tell him that he isn't logged into the administrator account. I inform him that in a sense there are two administrator accounts, one to protect the computer, and one to protect the internet filtering software. He asks me to allow him to change the filtering password. I tell him that it shouldn't be blocking anything on the internet that is appropriate. In delayed response he replys that it just wasn't working.

Interestingly enough, I pull up the logs later (don't know how the program doesn't block the use of the logs even thought I wasn't logged into the program) and find that he did in fact try to login and that he had been getting blocked messages previous to that. After that though the would be blocked pages went away....

After this I felt like I was going to explode and asked to go for a quick jog (was almost dark and dark is the "curfew" time). The jog didn't really seem to help clear my thoughts.

I came home and relaxed for a few minutes. I turned on some music and a very odd joyful feeling came over me. I didn't think much of it and went on with business as usual.

Later I unfortunately relapsed...

I have been thinking quite a bit about how I should've handled things differently. First, I should have told them that I was installing a filtering program on the computer. Second, I should have suggested that they make a mutual password (where they both type in/know half of the password).


So now I need to know what I should do....

Do I try and tell my mom? Do I talk with him first? Do I wait and see what comes next in the filter logs?

We must all...
keep on keepin' on,

hope4Change

Comments:

Tell...    
"Tell your mother. As a woman that was deceived for years I can tell you that she would rather know. I have bad feelings towards people that knew and could have told me but just let me go on completely unaware. She has a right to know. I think most women would want to know. Your loyalty belongs with your mother...not your step-father. My opinion, of course."
posted at 19:50:14 on September 24, 2008 by Anonymous
I second it!    
"Tell your mom. Everytime your step-father gets on the computer and looks at things he shouldn't he is breaking promise and taking another step away from taking care of his family. Your mom needs to know. She can help both of you....by the way.....she is going to be heartbroken, BUT she loves you both. Be kind to her."
posted at 22:40:26 on September 24, 2008 by robin
How about not?    
"I do think that your mom has a right to know but I also know that you can't force an addict into recovery. Just exposing him won't make him change, he has to want to change. I'd say change the password and don't give it back but pray about whether or not to tell your mom. If you do end up telling her, you don't have to say anything about yourself. My parents still don't know. We talked about this in group today but you only need to tell people who will help you in your recovery. If you don't think your mom will be a help, don't tell her. Really, you don't have to. Maybe you could confront your step dad about it but that's up to you. I really suggest praying about it though. Good luck, Hope, I'm praying for you."
posted at 00:33:05 on September 25, 2008 by Matrix
Thank you all...    
"Thank you all for your input in this matter. I love this blog in the sense that I can receive information from more than just my perspective. Looks like I need some further consultation with our father in heaven. My sister and mom noticed the other day my depressed state and my mom really wants to know what is going on. I believe I'm being told in more than one way that I need to tell her.

Thanks for your prayers and input and remember....
keep on keepin' on,

hope4Change"
posted at 16:09:50 on September 25, 2008 by hope4change
confront your step-dad    
"I think you should talk to your step-dad. He knows that you are in charge of computer stuff. be Discrete about it. Tell him you are concerned because someone in the house has been trying to access inappropriate content on one of the computers in the house. Ask him how he feels about that and what you can do to help.

I also like what Matrix said about praying before you tell your mom. I don't think it's your decision whether or not to tell her about your step-dad. It's his.

pray about it.

do the joint password thing.. it's a great idea.. I'm thinking about doing it on OUR computer :) thanks for the idea."
posted at 16:34:18 on September 25, 2008 by toes_23
Woosh!    
"Come to find out he was worried about his kids and what they can access at home etc. So I'm glad that's over. My mom came into my room and asked me what was going on. So I took some time to warn her that she may not like what she was about to hear and then began to tell her. She immediately told me that he was checking because he was concerned about what my step-brother could access at his house. So that clears things up and I'm doing just great about things now. Thank you all for your imput.

-hope4Change"
posted at 16:35:51 on September 25, 2008 by hope4change
just a question?    
"What about making things so you can't access porn easily? Are you working on that ?...just the mom in me wanting you to stay away from it.

I am glad things seem to be working out."
posted at 17:05:17 on September 25, 2008 by robin
Suggestion?    
"Hope,
I don't want to say that things are bad but I really wouldn't be surprised if your step dad is addicted as well. To keep everyone safe, I would do the two part password, preferably with your mom and possibly you. I've heard someone use the exact same excuse as your step dad even though I know that wasn't the real reason. If your step dad gets mad, that is usually a give away but you can just say it's to make sure that everyone is protected. Just present it carefully to your mom and it shouldn't be a big deal and she still won't know about you. I would do this quickly though just to be on the safe side. I hope it helps. How are you doing? I'm sorry you messed up, I hate that feeling. Have you tried getting a 12 step book and working through it? I honestly think it would help a great deal. I'm praying for you and love ya tons."
posted at 18:39:06 on September 25, 2008 by Matrix
I agree with Matrix    
"I think your step dad has a problem too. I would bet money on it."
posted at 19:02:33 on September 25, 2008 by Anonymous
He was up front about it with my mom before he accessed (tried to access) it...    
"...so... I suppose it could still be a problem. I can still check the logs even though the password was changed so I could potentially check for any further problems. Hopefully there isn't a problem though.

@Robin: I am working on it. Thanks for your concern. :)

@Matrix: I have a .pdf copy of the manual on this computer. I really need to make a goal of using it on a regular basis. Right now I'm just really busy with school work and athletics and work so the next step is for me to make a good goal for its usage. Thank you. :)

keep on keepin on,

-hope4Change"
posted at 19:10:30 on September 25, 2008 by hope4change


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— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006