By Gondor44646
9/3/2008 3:45:05 PM
I just wanted to say thanks for the help and support everybody has been giving me. I do read them. I wonder somtimes what the other people are thinking or feeling as the give / recieve help like this. School has had an organizing affect on me, summer is distressful with me ...bordom and nothing to do. (Even though there is plenty to do.)

I am grateful for this website, and that (((random) (yet related and common))) people are willing to help each other, as well as have courage to seek help. I am doing better, I am feeling better. My support group has been relocated to a new location, which is farther then the original. New people and new instructors... I will always try to go, I may be a little concerned again, but I can only do my best.

There is somthing I would like to ask... I think I may have said somthing about it already in previous posts. I apologize ahead because it embarrasses me that I should speak concerning such things.

I feel that I already have an answer... but I still dont let it go, I really should just let it go and stop thinking about these things espicialy because I am not ready for these things anyway.

But it truly is bothering me, and I believe it is obvious that my problem(s) would distort my view on these things… I feel an answer through prayer… so quick for confusion... I already feel lost again... I am having trouble understanding intimacy / love… I try to stop my problem(s) (addictions) (through 12 steps) like a wild fire, and I black out whenever there is a situation under those conditions, even if it was good or bad… but that doesn't mean that the fire is bad, it just needs to be controlled, and used for good. This is one of those worldly defining things I always feel… (( the world, the world, the world... your right JJH832K1 )) I can't feel good about my being under this confusion and contradictions… these problems bug me and make me feel unworthy or just bad ((obviously…! )) …I am discouraged by marriage… how do I know what is right? How do I put the bad flame out and use the good flame correctly. How do I define against Lust vs. Love? …((( I feel odd / discouraged by what some people have told me about marriage and these things ))) ….(( sigh ))

The scriptures and the words of the prophet have already made it clear to me... I really think I just need to stop worring about it... live in the real world, and avoid idle (/ idle thoughts too) ...

that is all... thank you again


Gondor, you're concerns and even your neurosis is pretty normal    
"When we get married we just muddle through learning intimacy and the great part is that our new spouse is nervously learning with us. We're awkward together while we learn. Some things are just obvious and others we discuss. Don't worry so much. I was terrified. I kept thinking, what if "this" happens, or what if, what if, what if. We just mature one way or another and if we are faithful about spiritual things we grow into a different animal, altogether. I'm nothing like the man I was before I was married.
Here's a suggestion...when we work on our spiritual health, EVERYTHING else falls into place."
posted at 19:14:36 on September 3, 2008 by Anonymous
"I like the tone of this post much better than some of your previous ones :) You seem to really be making some progress. Anonymous, is absolutely right. Focus on your spirituality, focus on your mission, read your patriarchal blessing often (if you have one, if not work on getting to the point where can have one... I recently got mine and it has helped me SO much), as well as normal prayer and scripture. If you allow these things to be your focus those other worries or doubts will leave your mind and leave you uplifted and feeling wonderfully. Those things will certainly come up when you are married, so what? It's healthy, it's normal, and with a loving spouse the two of you will figure it all out, together. You cannot let the demons plaguing you now interfere with your eternal marriage, and if you learn to rid yourself of it by staying focused whole heartedly on the aforementioned things, you will be fine. Good luck Gondor, Keep up the good work!"
posted at 21:11:18 on September 3, 2008 by jjh832k1
One more thing....    
"Don't let the world's misconceptions on how love, sex, marriage etc. keep you wondering and confused about what's right or what's wrong, you will rarely find the right answers from worldly sources, if ever. Seek the inspired council of your Ecclesiastical leaders, the scriptures, and our wonderful prophets... they are there for a reason they have been appointed to those positions for a reason, also though keep in mind that none of us are perfect and uninspired council can occasionally happen, in which case prayer (as always) is your best bet :) Never forget prayer."
posted at 21:16:10 on September 3, 2008 by jjh832k1

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"Just as the landfill requires dedicated work and attention, laboriously applying layer after layer of fill to reclaim the low-lying ground, our lives also require the same vigilance, continually applying layer after layer of the healing gift of repentance.…Our Father in Heaven and His Son, Jesus Christ, feel sorrow when we choose to remain in sin, when the gift of repentance made possible through the Atonement can clean, reclaim, and sanctify our lives. When we gratefully accept and use this precious gift, we can enjoy the beauty and usefulness of our lives... "

— Shayne M. Bowen

General Conference October 2006