Scared to Death
By Matrix
8/27/2008 9:19:07 AM
I'm going to try to attend a group meeting tonight. I've never been to one and I'm kinda scared. I'm mostly afraid that I'll be the only women there with an addiction. I don't think it helps that I live in Utah Valley where people pretend that problems don't exist. The motto here seems to be, "if I don't see it, it doesn't exist" so things tend to be hidden and stay hidden. It's hard when you think you are the only one trying to change, so when you find someone in your same situation, it makes everything easier (thanks Toes). I hope I'm not the only woman trying to change tonight. I know there are others close by, the trouble is finding them.
I am proud to say that I am 38 days sober. The temptation hasn't been there as badly as it usually is so it's been easier to push away. I can do this. It's definitely not easy but I know I can do this. I'm still scared to go to group though. Wish me luck.


Good for you!    
"I have actually been having a hard time going to group lately... It sounds horrible, I know. But I am th only woman there with a sexual addiction. I would feel better though if they let me attend the "addict" side of the meeting instead of the "loved one" side. Plus we moved and we've been looking for a group closer to home instead of having to travel to our old one.

If I were you I wouldn't "fess up" to everything until you've been to group a couple of times. It took me months until I told everyone that I was an addict (again I was talking to "loved ones") and then after I did I kinda wished I hadn't.. but It did really help with the healing process.

Congratulations on day 38! I am so happy for you! you were going through some rough times there for awhile so I am so happy to hear that you are doing well!

Good luck at group.. I don't want to discourage you from going.. just be prepared for a unique experience."
posted at 10:05:57 on August 27, 2008 by toes_23
That's awesome    
"Hey Matrix,
I just wanted to give you a shout out and tell you that is great with your 38 days of sobriety. I know it can be hard. But the fact that your still at it says a lot. I give you props and all my support as a women. You can do it"
posted at 22:38:32 on September 1, 2008 by c2
Another Week    
"Add another 7 days and I'm still sober even though it's been another rough week. I feel pretty good about myself though. I went to group last week and it wasn't so bad but there really wasn't anyone there. More are supposed to show up this week so I'm gonna go again and see what happens.

Again, wish me luck."
posted at 10:20:39 on September 3, 2008 by Matrix
"Nice job Matrix! I am so happy for you! I hope that group is going well for you. Let me know. I seem to be having such a negative attitude about it lately. I would like to know about some of your experiences with it and how you deal with some things. "
posted at 16:04:28 on September 4, 2008 by toes_23
Please help/ I dont know what to do    
"I have a question!? Before i was baptized i used to masturbate, i wasn't a mormon so i didn't think it was bad. I havent done it on purpose but when i am sleeping somehow i am masturbating and i wake up not having control over what happened and i feel like i didnt even do it on purpose. I have made sure that i didnt just do it any more on purpose like i used to before i was baptized.. so when i have not done it at all i dont understand how tht happens to me while im sleeping.. i get really mad because i feel like i had no control over it and didn't do it on purpose.. do i need to talk to my bishop? i dont feel i should or tht i would be comfortable with telling him about that when its not even on purpose i dont even know im doing it. It has happend at least 4 times, BUT thats only in the past year, which is not too bad but i dont understand why tht is happening to me while i sleep.. i just wake up and im like what the heck.. Any help from you guys or what you think i should do i would extremely appreciate it. Should i just keep praying unto heavenly father to help me and not have tht happen in my dreams and still ask for forgiveness from him about it??"
posted at 00:48:36 on September 2, 2013 by sara123

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"In recent years, as I have sung the hymns of the Atonement, it has been with an especially full heart—and also with full voice, when I can continue to sing—lines such as “How great thou art,” “I scarce can take it in,” “To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,” “I stand all amazed,” and “Oh, it is wonderful!”"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987