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Difficult Question?
By Gondor44646
7/4/2008 12:40:55 PM
Hello Everybody! Gondor here... Things have been going better. I beat my record of 35 days, then I had a slip, perhaps a relapse, however I am back on track, it has been 12 days since my last mistake (with God's help)... I was 17 when I started going to this website, know I am 18... Hoping to go on a mission soon... my problem started with mast***, then por**** ... 5 years now... but I am recovering...

I have a difficult question that has been bothering me. Please forgive me for asking such a question; I am sure iit is not appropriate...
What Kind of sexual activities are appropriate for marriage?
I know such a question can not simply be answered up front or in any detail... I am assuming that any corruption I see in Por**** is probably not appropriate in marriage.

I ask this question because of some things others have told me, which makes me feel confused...

In the past, I seeked help from a counselor about my problems... However he didn’t think that mast**** was a problem or a sin, natural and normal he said... I disagree, mastu**** didn’t help me, didn’t bring me closer to God, lower self-control and spirituality, lovers of pleasure more than God... self-gratification outside of marriage only prepares you for self-gratification in marriage, and that is not its purpose... My counselor asked me a difficult question... Is Mutual Mastu**** ok in marriage? ...... I didn’t know what to say, confusion? Does that show love between husband and wife? Does that fulfill the purpose of sex? I don’t know...

Although in addiction I admit loss of agency, I automatically assumed I was defined as a selfish perverted young man and I felt like I couldn’t change that... however it was the use of something natural and using it for bad, instead of for good.

I seeked help from my mother in trying to understand what is appropriate in marriage. She tried to help... she didn't need to detail intimacy... however she told me of an activity she does with my step-dad which deeply confused me... oral se*... ((My mother really didn’t need to tell me that...))

Now I am extremely confused? Is this love in marriage?? Is this not self-gratifications, lusts, unholy, unclean, ungodly things? Is anything and everything appropriate so long as couples agree?! No...? ... Could this not be as creative as the distortion and corruption that comes from por*****... I don’t know, I am confused... not sure...

God is not a house of confusion, but of order... I think there are se* activities that are not right even in marriage... but this is not of my understanding, I do not fully know, I am not married, that is just my opinion... I will continue to pray study and live the gospel standards so that I can find the answers...

No wonder why I am confused, por***** has distorted my perspective... no wonder why this destroys so many families... I hope I can figure this out so that one day I can be a righteous husband, and a loving father...

That is all... Please forgive me if I said anything incorrect, inappropriate, or just not necessary... this is a difficult question...

Comments:

Are you sick?    
"Why is this so important to you? It seems like you have been focusing on this for a long time. Is this so important that you spend countless hours focusing on it. You make it seem so justified and important by how much you write and are confused about it. This is Satan working on you to confuse you and bring you down. Get rid of these thoughts and questions, it is not a need right now for you and your life if you are seriously thinking about going on a mission. You don't hear this discussed in mission prep manuals or the scriptures because of how sacred it is. You are not ready for it. God will not give you an answer if it is inappropriate. Yes, this type of questioning is as a result of focusing on the addiction. You need way more clean time to let your mind and spirit be open to the communication from God. Don't wrestle with things you don't need to know right now.

This is just like wrestling with anti-mormon literature. Both are sneaky and confusing especially with our limited temporal knowledge. The worst part is all the damage it brings to your spirit. We are told to avoid those things as much as possible. Only through the spirit can we know of the deeper things.

I know that I am being bold and that this is my opinion, but I KNOW that continuing to focus on this will bring you down."
posted at 14:10:18 on July 4, 2008 by surrender2
Is it really so outrageous for an 18 year old to be preoccupied with sex?    
"I understand your questions. I do agree with the above that some things are best avoided until we get to that point in our lives but to put you out of your misery I'll tell you this: When we get married, it's not "Anything goes!". There are still moral sins that can be committed with a spouse. But that line is defined by each individual couple within the lines of church counsel. For you, a single man years from marriage, I would concentrate on my mission. Those other things will sort themselves out in the future. DON'T OBSSESS ON THEM! They're none of your business for now. Good job on 12 days! Good luck to you Gondor."
posted at 16:02:34 on July 4, 2008 by Anonymous
Thanks...    
"Yeah... There is no need to focus on such junk, there is a time and place for all things. Yep, and again the corruption that comes from por**** is devistating... Confusion is of the devil, I dont need to waste my time trying to justify or focus on any aspect of things that I am not ready for anyway...

Perhaps I am sick... in the way that I have let myself think about these things... I will disregared what that old counsler and what my mother told me. I seriously dont need to know about my parents relationship... my mother didnt need to tell me that... I think it would have been better if they just didnt tell me those things... I am glad I have a new counslor that supports my belifes... I am glad I have my recovery group to help...

The comparison of anti-mormon literature helps me understand, no wonder there is confusion! It makes scence that there would be confusion in both of those situations... I will not feel the spirit when it is like that...

"Love is wholesome and selfless, but lust is corrupt and selfish ....sexuality is a beautiful power given to mankind from God. President Kimball has observed: “The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His commandment to the first man and woman to be ‘one flesh’ was as important as his command to ‘be fruitful and multiply.’ ” (Quoting Billy Graham, Ensign, May 1974, p. 7.)

Yes, one day I think I will understand but untill then, I think you are right, dont think about it because it will not be apart of my life for a long time...

Thank you surrender, (( and some other unknown person)) simple, easy, truth..."
posted at 16:10:04 on July 4, 2008 by Gondor44646


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"In recent years, as I have sung the hymns of the Atonement, it has been with an especially full heart—and also with full voice, when I can continue to sing—lines such as “How great thou art,” “I scarce can take it in,” “To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,” “I stand all amazed,” and “Oh, it is wonderful!”"

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General Conference May 1987