One day "sober"
By Matrix
6/16/2008 1:43:03 AM
I regret to say that Satan called me home recently. No, not home. Home is where you feel happy, safe, welcome. At home people love you and accept you for who you are. You shouldn't ever be judged or ridiculed. You should feel like you belong. Home is a safe haven from the outside world.

I got sucked into a dark dingy alley where I feel scared, alone, worthless, etc. It's a place I know well but it's not home. I even have acquaintances there I used to call friends. Their names are Porn, Masturbating, Lust, and Depression. We were friends for a long time but they weren't real friends. They made me hate myself and everyone around me. They made me feel worthless and alone and unloved. They always stuck together too. Couldn't ever get one of them alone without the others tagging along. They welcomed me with open arms the other day only to leave me feeling horrible. I hung out with them for a few days but it never helped any. I even ditched my best friend. His name is Prayer.

He's always been there for me. I can't get rid of him no matter how hard I try. I've tried running from him and calling him names and for the past couple days, I told him that I didn't need him. I felt too bad about myself to call him a friend. I was really mean to him and it made me ashamed. He has always pulled me through the most difficult times so I don't understand why I didn't want him around.

Fortunately, he did what all good friends do. I turned to him and asked for help and he pulled me out of that alley. Guess who was waiting outside? The Holy Ghost! He put his arms around me and just hugged even though I didn't feel like I deserved it. I still don't feel like I deserve it.

I'm on my way home now. It's just 12 steps away. It's all uphill but I can see my home from where I stand. I still have my two best friends holding my hands and helping me along and the closer I get to home, the more real friends I gain.

I walk past that alley everyday and sometimes it looks so welcoming. Satan does a great job at making it look so nice. He even has a sign hanging up that says, "I never said it would be worth it, I only said it would be easy." He knows the right way to make us wanna take a peek in and see what’s going on but I just have to remember that my home looks nice on it outside AND the inside. It's where I'm really happy.

Sorry about the rambling. It's just the best way I know how to describe it. I am now officially one day "sober"


"This is a quote from someone who posted on another one of your blogs, it gave me so much hope when I read it, I made it one of my favorites, I read it often. There is a lot of truth to it.

"Don't be too hard on yourself. We're so hard on ourselves. Normal people feel that tinge of guilt after sinning and repent and move on with their lives. Addicts wallow in the guilt until it turns into shame until it turns into depression. You're already forgiven. Forgive yourself. I've discovered that us addicts get a "free-pass". No penance required. He knows our struggles. He knows we will fall."

Matrix, you are a wonderful person for getting help for your problems. I am grateful that I am not alone in my addictions, you have been a great help to me on this website. Don't get too discouraged. You deserve to feel the spirit. Heavenly Father wants you to feel it, he wants you to return to him. He loves us, even when we feel like we don't deserve His love, it is still there.

Good job being one day sober!! Keep it up!

You're in my prayers."
posted at 09:57:17 on June 16, 2008 by toes_23
Christ never said come to me when your perfect,    
"He just said come to me. He does not expect us to become perfect before he comes in and helps us. He wants us to come to him no matter what stage in life we are at, no matter what we have done.
Be patient with yourself. Don't be afraid to get some help from others. There are those that can help with teaching you how to love yourself. We can't love anyone else more than we love ourself. Christ said love your neighbor as yourself. How can we love our neighbor if we don't love ourself.
Know that there is a brighter day, trust in the fact that others have found peace, but it did not come without effort.

posted at 21:55:56 on June 16, 2008 by john
Hey Matrix    
"I loved reading this blog. It really is a beautiful story about someone who has a PERSONAL relationship with God. I liked the analogy and especially that sign that satan was holding. How ironic and perfectly decieving.

One day sober is all any of us have. If we pour our efforts into the next 24 hours of sobriety, we can usually get through it because almost everyone can do just about anything for 24 hours. If we're being buffetted we can tell ourselves, "I'll act out tomorrow. But today I'm hanging on to my sobriety." When tomorrow comes we do the same thing. We ask Heavenly Father in the morning to keep us sober and we thank Him in the evening for keeping us sober" If we're not sober we go through the motions until we are. Good luck on working the 12 Steps. I'm glad you already know that they are the solution. Congratulations on 24 hours! Tell us when it becomes 48 hours, OK? Even though we all only have 24 hours I think it's important to celebrate each day sober in the begining Good luck."
posted at 11:26:43 on June 17, 2008 by Anonymous
"Matrix - i relate well with your post. My whole life has been in one dark alley, but my alleys were real. I like what you said about seeing home and that it was only 12 steps away. I think I'll be back to read your post again. I've been sober a few days, but it's getting hard. Thanks for being a good example. I also appreciate what everyone said. It feels good to be here. Thanks again."
posted at 08:46:54 on June 19, 2008 by TRISTAN
From darkness comes the light    
"Matrix - I know it's late posting this - I loved your post - sorry that you had to experience it however. You are a strong example to many of us here - stay strong and keep up the good fight!"
posted at 08:44:11 on June 24, 2008 by whitewolf

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"Are you battling a demon of addiction—tobacco or drugs, or the pernicious contemporary plague of ography? Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven’s promises. In that regard Alma's testimony is my testimony: "I do know," he says, "that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions."

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006