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So tired
By zoltib
12/9/2007 1:39:16 AM
I've been addicted to porn and masturbation for about 5 years now, getting close to 6. I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of telling myself that I will change and having nothing come of it. I'm tired of hating who I've become.

I've started to realize how much my addiction has changed me. I used to be a very outgoing person with lots of friends, I felt comfortable around people I didn't know, and I made friends easily.

I went to a party tonight, but left early cause I couldn't handle being around so many people that I didn't know. Instead of trying to meet some new people I just freaked out and talked to a couple people I knew then left. At this rate I'll never meet anyone.

Earlier this year I moved to another state where I didn't know anyone in order to take a job. Overall it's been a great experience, mostly because it's forced me to come face-to-face with who I've become and what I'm missing out on by having this addiction.

I've met some great people, but aside from co-workers I've only made a couple friends. I have a hard time meeting people because I find myself believing that nobody would want to know someone as messed up as I am. I don't want them to get close to me, cause I don't want them to find out what I'm really like.

Comments:

I know the feeling....    
"I really am not very happy with myself. I have run into the same problems you have it seems.... I really hate it. Having a different personality is one thing, but I also am not as productive in the work environment as well as school...."
posted at 19:53:58 on December 17, 2007 by hope4change


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"In recent years, as I have sung the hymns of the Atonement, it has been with an especially full heart—and also with full voice, when I can continue to sing—lines such as “How great thou art,” “I scarce can take it in,” “To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,” “I stand all amazed,” and “Oh, it is wonderful!”"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987