For what it is worth I have been clean from m and p for about 46 days. I still am struggling with a lot of things right now. Most recently it has been with food and with forgiving others. I have a former supervisor who is starting with our customer... that is he has been hired by the government to what appears to me as a more stable job with greater growth opportunities than what I have. What is hard to swallow was that he told me last year that "I didn't have an eye for detail" and I had to be let go, fortunately there was a position with the company and I haven't lost my job yet. It is hard to swallow though when it seems as thought other people are "getting ahead" when I am struggling along doing the best that I can. I don't want to be resentful, or at least that is most of the time. It wasn't until today wen I had some fear creep into my mind about not knowing what the future holds when I began to hold this resentment or that I began to dwell on it more. Probably for a long time I had been able to overcome this negative feeling because I had been thinkgin that sure things will be hard but they will get better... right... right. Well after 18 months of separation from my wife, and with no end in sight it can seem at times that I am getting the short end of the stick. I guess this would be a good time to begin to make list of what I am grateful for:
1.I am grateful that I didn't get caught in the rain today
2. I am really grateful that I have two tenants right now that are helping pay part of our mortgage
3. I am grateful for the job that I do have, that I do have medical insurance and stuff that would be hard without a job
I want to write more but these are the thigns that I can honestly express gratituted for right now without being cynical. I will keep working on my gratitidue.
In closing besides praying for someon... are there any other suggestions that you have had success with in forgiving others? I don't mean to make it into a big deal. I know that I have a lot to ask forgiveness off, that I need mercy and grace, I just get so impatient with the system and feel forgotten by God. There are some things that I thought I put in the past that are creeping back up again and I want to deal with them properly and not just bury the emotions in the past, which is something I have been known to do. thanks for the insight
"Sometimes when I read your posts I picture a gerbil on a running wheel. Just running itself to death. I don't think anyone is going to hell for being annoyed at someone. I'm sure if that guy you work with was broken down on the side of the road you'd help him. That's all that matters. There's no need to pile on the self righteous guilt. You're not Jesus.
"The Lord himself must enjoy a good joke or he wouldn't have made some of you people" -Golden Kimball
I just try to realize we're all a good joke sometimes and let the Lord worry about the balance"
posted at 09:12:14
on June 8, 2016
I couldn't forgive anyone until I had forgiven myself. At first I didn't believe I had done anything wrong specifically. ARP was a journey of discovering just how very wrong I was....and then coming to peace with it. Once I did that, the natural flow took me to forgiving others around me. It was a natural part of finding myself and accepting who I was. I never tried to forgive them. It just happened as an extension of learning to love my own brokenness.
posted at 16:59:31
on June 12, 2016
thank you apprecite your deep insigth
thanks as alwasy you have such great insight, I so appreciate hearing your words of wisdom, your perspective. I do so appreciate hearing your "side of the experience". it can really help me to try and work harder because i realize that my wife is struggling with her own set of experiences, just like I am"
Tat Tvam Asi
"Essentially there is no difference between us. I feel like Jesus confirms this when even he declares "when you have done it unto one of these the least of my brothern you've done it unto me." This, as in Maddys experience, includes the things we do to ourselves. Tat Tvam Asi (that art thou) - you're broken, he's broken, you're wife is broken. We're all the same. Yes, forgive yourself, forgive me, forgive yourself. I'm talking to myself as much as anyone by the way."
posted at 04:35:02
on June 14, 2016
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