Print
Impressions from He Restoreth My Soul
By puzzclar
5/30/2016 3:23:58 AM
I've spent most of the day reading this book and trying to find hope and recovery. Right now I'm so full of sorrow for what I have done... This morning started out early, without going into detail, I used pornography and sex and masturbation. I still go to church but I feel as if I'm different... I hold a calling as the ward organist for prelude only and then do the walk of shame that I can't stay on the stand... I have told my Bishop of some of the things that I have done but he is more concerned about my mental health...

I was diagnosed with depression 11 years ago. Since then I have had 7 hospitalizations and many people worried about me but they don't know the real me. I'm living a double life, and I hate it! But I am off most medications and seeing whats underneath and finding that the sex addiction wasn't caused by the medication.... It was caused by a young girl wanting to feel loved from her father, and some self discovery because it felt good.

I know that codependency is there too but the sex addiction and acting out is what I need help on... I need help, I would love a female sponsor and I'm trying to connect with one soon.. If you know of someone, please let me know. I need this help.

I do have an LDS counselor that has experience in sex addiction, but I find that it's not enough. I can't trust myself anymore. I am being controlled by addiction

Comments:

Welcome to the group    
"Puzzclar,
Welcom to the group. Thank you for your honestly. for me honesty has been the mot difficult to find in my own life, that I have spent so much of my life, at different times being dishonest with others and most imporatnly being dishonest with myself. While P@rn was a major issue of my starting the 12 step program, I have realized that there are a hoeck of a lot of reasons to be in this siutation and that the underlying issue for me needs to be addressed if i am going to make any programss. My wife this weekend i felt like gave me a hard time about not turning my life over to God, not having faith etc in God that is suffincent to rely upon God. Why i am mentioning this is that I imagine that this is probably in some way probably similar t9o your own isuation. While we call our challenges maybe something different things6sed. If I might make a sussgesion on a book or person to try out is Brene Brown, the power of vulberabilty. she talks about how we as humans have shame and guilt, that guilt is good for us a motivation to change, but that shame is an idneitification taht I am bad, not a child of God, but a bad person. for me I grew up in shame, not necesarily because of addiction or anything but because I thought i was a bad person to the core. this was a breeding ground for the Eveil one to work on my heart and my mind in turnign my understanding of who and God might be. I would walkt the talke about how great and loving god is,but in my heart Iwound' not accept God's love. I imagine a lot of this comes from a desire or feeling that "someone like me couldd never be good." that everyhting I have done has put me outsie of the touch of God. Welcoe. i hope you find peace here"
posted at 00:18:02 on May 31, 2016 by sjanderson1


Add a Comment:


***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)








help
join
"[The Savior] is saying to us, "Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going," He says, "we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness," He promises. "I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls.""

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006