I've spent most of the day reading this book and trying to find hope and recovery. Right now I'm so full of sorrow for what I have done... This morning started out early, without going into detail, I used pornography and sex and masturbation. I still go to church but I feel as if I'm different... I hold a calling as the ward organist for prelude only and then do the walk of shame that I can't stay on the stand... I have told my Bishop of some of the things that I have done but he is more concerned about my mental health...
I was diagnosed with depression 11 years ago. Since then I have had 7 hospitalizations and many people worried about me but they don't know the real me. I'm living a double life, and I hate it! But I am off most medications and seeing whats underneath and finding that the sex addiction wasn't caused by the medication.... It was caused by a young girl wanting to feel loved from her father, and some self discovery because it felt good.
I know that codependency is there too but the sex addiction and acting out is what I need help on... I need help, I would love a female sponsor and I'm trying to connect with one soon.. If you know of someone, please let me know. I need this help.
I do have an LDS counselor that has experience in sex addiction, but I find that it's not enough. I can't trust myself anymore. I am being controlled by addiction
Welcome to the group
Welcom to the group. Thank you for your honestly. for me honesty has been the mot difficult to find in my own life, that I have spent so much of my life, at different times being dishonest with others and most imporatnly being dishonest with myself. While P@rn was a major issue of my starting the 12 step program, I have realized that there are a hoeck of a lot of reasons to be in this siutation and that the underlying issue for me needs to be addressed if i am going to make any programss. My wife this weekend i felt like gave me a hard time about not turning my life over to God, not having faith etc in God that is suffincent to rely upon God. Why i am mentioning this is that I imagine that this is probably in some way probably similar t9o your own isuation. While we call our challenges maybe something different things6sed. If I might make a sussgesion on a book or person to try out is Brene Brown, the power of vulberabilty. she talks about how we as humans have shame and guilt, that guilt is good for us a motivation to change, but that shame is an idneitification taht I am bad, not a child of God, but a bad person. for me I grew up in shame, not necesarily because of addiction or anything but because I thought i was a bad person to the core. this was a breeding ground for the Eveil one to work on my heart and my mind in turnign my understanding of who and God might be. I would walkt the talke about how great and loving god is,but in my heart Iwound' not accept God's love. I imagine a lot of this comes from a desire or feeling that "someone like me couldd never be good." that everyhting I have done has put me outsie of the touch of God. Welcoe. i hope you find peace here"
Add a Comment:
***Anonymous User*** (login above to post UN-anonymously)