WoPA issues
By annonymous62
8/6/2015 9:10:43 PM
Has anyone else had issues getting along with another WoPA? One who behaves inappropriately/posts inappropriate images online? How did you deal with it?


"What does WoPA stand for?"
posted at 05:12:49 on August 7, 2015 by Anonymous
wife of porn addict    
posted at 12:26:49 on August 7, 2015 by Anonymous
I'm a wife of a porn addict    
"I have never had problems getting along with other women that their husbands struggle with porn addiction. But, as a wife I have gone through tons of emotions in the past 4 years that I've been dealing with this problem. I think everyone is in different stages of this journey and everyone deals with problems differently. At some point in my journey with this I did have a few thoughts of "if only...." If only I were more beautiful. If only I could be like them. If only I were skinnier. The list is endless. I think I believed if I were better than I really am, then my husband wouldn't want to look at other women. Maybe that is what she is experiencing? Maybe she believes that her value is of that (inappropriate). I guess as time has passed on for me, my whole ideas and ways of dealing with things have changed. I went from making sure I was perfectly looking my best when my husband got home from work to now thinking nothing of it. I guess she may be going to the extreme of the feelings I had. Also, I've felt pretty uncomfortable with immodesty in any way shape or form. My husband is not in social media, we do not watch tv, if we do we turn the tv off when commercials come on, we don't listen to regular music... You get the idea. I can see how a wife is uncomfortable with inappropriate stuff. Honestly for me things that could trigger or have triggered my husband also trigger me but in a PSTD sort of way. Just an idea.... Would you mind sharing more of how you don't get along?"
posted at 13:52:21 on August 7, 2015 by Anonymous
Trying to be clear without too much detail...    
"I'm not comfortable going into too much detail on here just in case this is a site she sees. Basically I feel like I've tried to reach out to her despite finding it difficult, but I no longer feel like I can. It's partly the photos she shares. She also contacted my husband early in the morning recently, totally out of the blue (they knew each other a long time ago but have had little to no contact for years). That really triggered me.
And I totally get the being triggered in a PTSD sort of way. I experience that too. Sometimes things trigger me that don't trigger my husband. Fortunately he's very patient and understanding when that happens.
*side note; I know this probably should have gone in the loved ones section, but I also know that some loved ones check this site and can't see that section without signing up. I chose that route until recently. Sorry for taking up space in this section!"
posted at 16:10:49 on August 7, 2015 by annonymous62
Trying to Cope    
"My guess is either she herself is an addict or she is trying to cope by convincing herself that this type of behavior "isn't that bad" and if she wants to understand her husband she needs to see and accept it. It could also be something that her husband has introduced into the intimate part of their relationship thinking that it would, "spice up" their lives. Whatever the case she is not sensitive to the offensiveness that you are experiencing when you see these images or observe her behavior. Being a WoAP is a tough deal! It is super difficult. To me it sounds like she needs support."
posted at 17:03:15 on August 7, 2015 by Anonymous
"Thanks Anon. Tbh I'm pretty sure it comes from her. We have done what we can to avoid any further images. The bigger issue for me to work through at the moment is why she would be trying to contact my husband - for ANY reason, no matter how innocent seeming - early in the morning."
posted at 17:32:39 on August 7, 2015 by annonymous62
Not Trying To Excuse    
"Hi Anon62. I think I sounded like I was making excuses for her. I am not trying to excuse her behavior in any way, just trying to figure out where it might be coming from. You have the right do draw firm boundaries and request that she contact you instead of your husband. If she is in the same situation as you, she should be sensitive to that and be willing to respect your wishes. I was in a similar situation and for me I had to end all contact and request that my husband do the same. That may not be necessary for your situation. Be prayerful and make the decision that is best for you and your husband. Time has passed in my situation and we have been able to mend the friendship."
posted at 23:47:24 on August 7, 2015 by Anonymous
Just To Be Clear    
"I posted Trying to Cope and Not Trying to Excuse and did not post earlier than that. As I read the list of posts I thought there could be confusing with Anon62 thinking she was conversing with just one person. Thankfully you have several people that are here willing to help and support you. Sorry for the confusion."
posted at 23:54:07 on August 7, 2015 by Anonymous
"So really I think contacting your husband at AM hours is really unacceptable. I really hope that your husband was able to use that experience to establish appropriate boundaries. I'm all about healthy boundaries. I would be just as concerned and bothered as you are. Have you mentioned this to her? One thought was, I think some people react to their husbands addictions in a bad way. Maybe she doesn't know how to deal with it and may be trying to get her husband back? Either way it seems off. Maybe you could mention it to her and she what she says. This is probably what I would do. You could say something like my husband mention to me that you contacted him in the middle of the night and just pause and see what happens. :) Either way keep us posted. -the wife of a porn addict 1st anonymous responder. :)"
posted at 00:21:44 on August 8, 2015 by Anonymous
Thank you    
"I really appreciate both of you taking the time to respond, and the thoughts you've shared. I haven't seen her since, so no I haven't said anything. At this point I don't know if I'm likely to see her again, so I don't know if I should make contact or not. It's a matter to pray about.
Not Trying To Excuse Anon, thanks for clarifying. I didn't think you were making excuses, it helped to see reasons why she might be behaving the way she has.
I am grateful to know that I'm not alone in finding it inappropriate, it's good to know I'm not overreacting in that!"
posted at 03:51:44 on August 8, 2015 by Annonymous62
"2nd Anon back again. I completely agree with 1st Anon! Even if you don't talk to this woman again, it is a good opportunity to make this boundary with your husband so he will know how to react in the not picking up the phone after a certain time if it is a woman or someone he does not know. That's what voice mail is for. ;)"
posted at 05:14:14 on August 8, 2015 by Anonymous
Yes :)    
"Thanks Anon2! I should have said in the first place, my husband was great about it, didn't even see the message until later in the day and kept to our boundaries completely."
posted at 14:39:26 on August 8, 2015 by annonymous62

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"Brothers and sisters, stay on the straight and narrow path. No, stay in the middle of the straight and narrow path. Don't drift; don't wander; don't dabble; be careful. Remember, do not flirt with evil. Stay out of the devil's territory. Do not give Satan any home-field advantage. Living the commandments will bring you the happiness that too many look for in other places. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006