Involving parents
By Dmackdog
11/16/2014 2:41:25 AM
I want to go in and talk to my bishop about a masturbation and porn problem I have but I don't want my parents to know because they would be devastated. Do parents have to be involved in this recovery process or not? Please help quick.


"You are your own person and what you speak with the Bishop about is kept confidential. The only reason why it might be good for you to eventually involve your parents and then later on your spouse is because these sins flourish in secrecy. If you don't want to them that's fine, but whatever you do don't get married without informing your future spouse. Even if you have been clean for years, this sin has a way of sneaking up on us quickly."
posted at 03:01:06 on November 16, 2014 by Anonymous
It depends    
"I like what the guy posted above. But if any of your actions have harmed them in any way, inadvertently or on purpose, you might need to seek forgiveness from them. But I don't know what all is going on in your plight and you might want to find guidance from someone who's been there and done that and knows more specifics."
posted at 22:48:32 on November 16, 2014 by anoni mouse
What I know now    
"when I was a teen I thought exactly as you did. As has been said before, I don't know exactly what you're going through so I can only offer what I wish I had done in my situation, your mileage may vary...

As a teenager I needed help with my masturbation/porn problem. However, I didn't turn to my parents because I thought they would be devastated. I had 3 older brothers. None of them went on a mission. I was my parent's last hope to have a missionary. How could I possibly let them down? That was very foolish thinking on my part. My parents and yours were once your age. They had their own struggles and challenges. They are well aware of how difficult it is to be a teenager, at least mine were. If I had turned to them as a youth Perhaps I wouldn't be middle aged now seeking out professional help to sort through youthful emotional trauma that has had long lasting and negative impact on my life.

There is power in breaking secrecy. The adversary wants you to keep this a secret. He can better control you if you do. To accomplish his designs he will whisper in you ear how disappointed people will be if they know you're struggling. Breaking secrecy starts the process of you reclaiming your agency. Pray about this decision. If it is easier for you first discuss your challenges with your bishop. He undoubtedly knows your parents better than I. Ask him if he thinks it's safe for you to discuss this with your parents. Your parents love you more than anyone else. They could make a tremendous resource for you to escape this.

It is certainly difficult to open your skeleton closet and let others peer in. However, speaking from experience, if you do so with those that are trustworthy, and that love you, you will find that you're struggling on your own when others would gladly step in and help how they can. There's a Family/spouse Manual - see icon on the left side of this webpage. Maybe they would be willing to read it with you.

I wish you luck. You're a good person, if not, you wouldn't be here looking for help. God bless."
posted at 05:27:12 on November 17, 2014 by DANO42
I like what DAN042 said    
"I like what Dan042 said a lot. From my experience, I didn't tell my parents until last year I told my mother and it has been very helpful. My father I tried to tell when I was young but he didn't listen to me. (Again, this is just my experience. My parents weren't the loving type.) My father now knows however, but I don't know what he thinks about it because I don't talk to him. My older brother knows and thinks that I am being brainwashed, like I said, my mother knows, but I don't think she realizes how addicted I am or even that being that addicted is possible. My older sister knows and has been a VERY GREAT help in it. My younger sister knows and is also a source of encouragement. My grandparents now know, and although I was afraid of how they would react, they've reached out to help me in anyway they can. Heck, even my wife's parents and family know. Although half of her siblings think there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing, the others support me and want the best for me as well as her parents. Vulnerability is essential in getting through this, no matter what. The more people that know, the better I feel. Anyways, hope you are well."
posted at 03:15:51 on November 18, 2014 by anoni mouse
I second that    
"I second what DAN042 said. If I could do it all over again, I would drag my parents into the Bishop's office with me! I was so afraid of disappointing them. Turns out, years later after I came forward with my problem (now married with kids) that I found I was not the only one in my family that struggled...parents included. Addictions often run in families and at the rate this one is spreading, there won't be a family alive that isn't afflicted by it. So buck up, take courage and bring your parents along. Now that I am a parent, I understand the love that accompanies that title. I would give anything I possibly could to help my child...anything!"
posted at 18:10:02 on January 20, 2015 by WHATTODO2

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"Are you battling a demon of addiction—tobacco or drugs, or the pernicious contemporary plague of ography? Whatever other steps you may need to take to resolve these concerns, come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven’s promises. In that regard Alma's testimony is my testimony: "I do know," he says, "that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions."

— Jeffrey R. Holland

General Conference, April 2006