Underlying Causes
By intothewest
11/9/2014 5:00:52 AM

I am a student at BYU. I am a really nice, sensitive guy who always respects his date and never uses them as objects for pleasure. I've had a pretty rough dating life where nobody really expresses much interest in me, and when I express interest (which I do quite often and at socially acceptable times), it never works out. I have never dated anyone (again, been on lots of dates, but never had a girlfriend). I have some sort of vague idea in my mind that it will work out one day. I have been trying to have more faith in the promise that one day, I will find someone. Is there anyone with similar experience or good advice?

I ask this because much of my level of sexual frustration that I attempt to control through praying, exercise, scripture study, and lifestyle is so much higher when I am not doing well in dating (which is most often). How do I have more faith that I will find an eternal companion?


"This is also a challenge for a lot of single sisters, i.e. the church is about family, but I can't force a guy to marry me, will I lose out on eternal blessings?

I know that I heard Elder Holland say (and I think he was quoting Joseph F. Smith), that for faithful Latter Day Sisters no promised blessings will be denied them. If they go through this life unmarried, but have remained faithful, they will receive those blessings in the next life. I would have to assume then, that if you are doing everything you can to be worthy and find a good mate, you will not be denied these blessings.

I went to BYU and felt tremendous pressure to find my eternal companion. It made my sobriety very difficult. Ironically, on a summer break, when I wasn't so focused on finding the "right" person, is when I found her. I would try for a few months to stop worrying about finding the right girl. and focus on what you can do to make yourself the right guy. From reading your post, I believe you are doing the best you can. That's good. Keep it up. Focus on the things you can control, i.e. you, and let the rest take care of itself. It usually will eventually.

I'm sorry if that's not the answer you're looking for, but it's the best advice I can give from a keyboard. Hang in there."
posted at 10:09:35 on November 10, 2014 by Anonymous

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"Don’t live your life in despair, feeling sorry for yourself because of the mistakes you have made. Let the sunshine in by doing the right things—now. It may be difficult to begin, but pick up the scriptures and immerse yourself in them. Look for favorite passages. Lean on the Master’s teachings, on His servants’ testimonies. Refresh your parched soul with the word of God. The scriptures will give you comfort and the strength to overcome. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990