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I Will Talk...and I admit
By gondor44646
10/2/2007 1:08:24 PM

I will talk because I need help. There has been a lot of stuff going on, I am not sure how to say it, but I will say what I need to. I have a problem. I have been having this problem for 5 years now and it has completely overwhelmed me. My life has not been so well, I have not been able to do much of anything...without being forced. I hate my self so much because of it, I shouldn't hate myself it isn't the worst thing, but I am sick of it. I have talked to my parents, I have been given multiple blessings, I talk to the Bishop constantly, I go to the church's 12 step recovery program, I study the scriptures and pray ever night, and I still cant stop it. I feel disabled because of this, I almost failed my Sophomore year just because I wouldn't do anything?! Its not hard, I have the ability to do my school work, but I just would not do anything. It is kind of like I am trying to pull myself down for some reason.

So now I need help. I Masturbate, and I can't stop. It is an addiction, it is compulsive, it is uncontrollable. The Church believes this is a problem, and I agree! At first (5 years ago) I was kind of stubborn and I didn't want to change, but this problem is not something Jesus Christ would do, so why am I. I need help. I know there still has to be some stuff that I can do. I am sure I need to pray more and study the scriptures more. I absolutely hate myself because of this, I feel like a dirty animal. I hate it so much. The whole world seems to think that this behavior is completely fine and there is nothing wrong with it. I know the church is true, but how am I supposed to battle the world. The whole world just assumes that everybody does this.

This problem has hurt me for so long, I have missed out on so many opportunities and so many blessings because of this.

So... please what can this group of people say to me that can help me in my situation?

Gondor

Comments:

we are here for you    
"Gondor,

You are not alone you sound like me when i was young and i thought the same way you do about it and there for awile i didn't want change or i thought that have gone to far to turn back ,but i was wrong you still can thats what we are here for is to help you and everyone else that has the same problem you are not alone and the lord hasn't forgot you either but you have to let him into your heart so tha he can . I started when i was in my early teens and i wished that there would of been the gruops that I'm going to know to help me and i would of been doing it as long as i did but i have been clean of my adictions for almost a year now , that doesn't mean that i haven't been tempt. i have but the one thing that has kept me going everytime i am i start to sing i am a child of god in my head and and you can only thing of one thing at a time so that takes away what satan puts in front of me. may try that maybe its other song from church or a scripture that like just say it over and over in your head and i'm here all the time to listen and to talk it out . continure to say your prayers and stay close to your heavnly father and i know for a fact that he is there until i let him in i wasn't going to change and i had alot to lose in my life . my the lord bless you and that you might find peace in your life i know that you can do it"
posted at 21:02:13 on October 2, 2007 by newsoul
Wow man    
"I could have been reading myself. Especially about school. Well also about the world and masturbation and such. I did fail out (literally almost strait f's) till half way thru my Jr. year till my mom exiled me up to my ain't and uncles. I was so afraid of my uncles wrath I graduated on time with a 3.3 via both regular school and byu home study. One semester I had 3 english classes. And that byu home school wasn't pussy footin around. It was the real deal. So safe to say coulda done it the whole time. But just wouldn't. Still don't know why. Still get in that funk. I'm in one right now. I really felt you on that whole "i just wont do anything!". Just don't know why I won't act. May as well be a damn rock...just a thing to be "acted upon".

I'm 7 or 8 years older then you now. And I guess for what its worth I just wanted to tell you your blog at least made me want to fight. To get whole. I just felt that prick "you must overcome. its not about you". Because I can relate so intimately with cats like us I just feel one day I could be able to say with years of success and courage in my voice "you can do this...i promise." And you would believe me. Because I have real faith founded in pure knowledge you could find some of yours.

Well that would be nice. To be a great guy and all. Fools can dream right? ;)"
posted at 23:50:13 on December 8, 2010 by They speak
Oh also    
"I went thru a time I gave up on a mission too. Crazy. Funny that first anon poster on your latest blog, the one that looks at you like a little brother, is going thru the same thing. I haven't been to a meeting in a week either till yesterday. Hmm. Ha! Always interesting to me to find I'm not alone. Not just generally either. But not alone in the details of my experience. I know your blog, it could be said, was kindof a downer, but thanks for posting. It really helped me in an ironic way."
posted at 00:07:02 on December 9, 2010 by They speak
Depression or ADD?    
"Have you been evaluated for depression and ADD? The inability to do things could be related to either or both. My other suggestion is to work hard on forgiving yourself. As long as you are buried in shame etc. it is going to be harder to be sober. When you are feeling the shame, despair, etc. you tend to start back over in the cycle of acting out to medicate those feelings.

Keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing."
posted at 02:20:20 on December 9, 2010 by dstanley


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"My spiritual prescription includes six choices which I shall list alphabetically, A through F:
  • Choose to Be Alive
  • Choose to Believe
  • Choose to Change
  • Choose to Be Different
  • Choose to Exercise
  • Choose to Be Free "

    — Russell M. Nelson

    General Conference, October 1988