9 days of sobriety
By sjanderson
8/1/2014 5:10:08 AM
today is day 9. i am feeling better in some ways but I still have a lot of fear. I think i am afraid of trusting my feelings, any feelings. That in the past I thought my feelings were the Spirit and vice versa. Now I don't know what to trust. i am proceeding slowly trying to look toward God for assistance and guidance.


scarry but liberating realization    
"i just realized that I have this awful habit of lying to myself and others. I truly don't understand why and I am trying to get through it. Something I have noticed is that i am afraid of the anger of my wife in particular, that she is going to blow up, or I don't know what she is going to do next when something is not exactly right. I know I can't control her, or I nkow in my head, but not in my heart. i just got off of the phone with my wife and she gave me an earful. I don't think what I was doing was truly dishonest in the way that she sees it, but i guess it is like they say communication is what the listener hears or believes. i am trying to do a better job of telling her everything that is going on, because that has been a source of contention, then she gets upset tha tI am telling her everything, then i don't tell her things and I get in trouble. Please understand I am not blaming her, this is just a major revelation to me in my situation. I am not sure what to do next."
posted at 12:37:12 on August 1, 2014 by sjanderson
A story    
"My heart goes out to you. I know you've really been struggling with your relationship with your wife, and even though I don't know you personally, it's really a bummer for me to see you struggle with this.

I felt impressed to share a personal experience though. Most of my 18+ years of marriage have been pretty good, though we've definitely had our ups and downs. A few years ago things were mostly down, and were actually the worst they'd ever been. I was very frustrated with the situation. It got to a point where I was ready to suggest to my wife that maybe we needed a separation, basically to give each other some time to figure out what we wanted to do. The idea of moving out scared the crap out of me, but I wasn't sure what else to do. I planned to drop this bomb on my wife during our next discussion/argument, mostly to see if she whether she would agree.

As our next discussion/argument came, I got to the point where I was ready to suggest that I move out of the house for a while. When I was convinced that it was the right time for me to suggest this, an interesting thing happened. I opened my mouth to suggest that I move out, and I found myself saying "I love you, and I'm sorry for whatever I've done to get us to this point. I believe in US, and I am ready to do whatever it takes to make US work. You name it, and I will do it, because I love you and I want US to work." I was shocked! This isn't what I had carefully rehearsed! But somehow these words came out, and strangely enough, deep down I truly believed it. I was ready to completely overlook the issues I had with my wife, and do everything I possibly could to make our relationship work.

That night was a major turning point for me. I don't know how or why, but my attitude changed that night. And with my attitude change, things got wonderfully better. Over time we grew closer together once again, started saying prayers together once again, and really grew to love and appreciate each other once again. The last few years have been pretty good. We've still had our share of problems and frustrations, but you get the idea.

I have no idea why I felt prompted to share this, but I did, and here it is. I have no idea whether things will work out for you with your wife. I hope they will, since I know it sucks when things aren't right with your relationship with your spouse.

I really like what Maddy said the other day, suggesting that you may have a wife-centered life right now. At some point you have to let go of your wife and grab onto God. No matter what happens with your wife, your best shot at happiness is through the gospel. You have to trust that Heavenly Father will work things out for the best (whatever that may be) as you stop trying to control everything yourself, and let Him take over.

Let go."
posted at 01:56:34 on August 5, 2014 by rmww
thanks I appreciat it    
"I have been thinking about it and I find myself floundering looking for someone to save me from the situation, to take away the pain, to take away the difficulty and that is not happening. All the friends and family are supportive but there is a hollow part of my hear that I can't seem to fill and I believe it is what Maddy said, an anything but God centered life. I don't know why I am looking to everyone else ot fix my problems. I genuilly don't want to, largely because I want this all to stop and I want to be able to say yes I am relying upon God to fix my problems. I had a discussion with my mom and dad last night in which they were appreciative of my positive attitude toward change, but seemed to be emphasizing the need to live by correct principles and one of those was getting out of debt and not going into further debt by going back to school to change careers. I get that I am not supposed to take on more debt etc and that God helps those who help themselves etc. I am struggling I guess to trust God, and I am genuinely not sure why. I was raised in an LDS home went to church etc and have thought I had a testimony of the Gospel and of the Savior, but here I am stuck worried and concerned. As I think about my heart and where i am I have to think that it is my trust in God that is having a hard time right now. I guess a large part of it is that I am a dreamer and want to accomplish a lot of things and by comparision to where I think I should be I am far far away. To be clear a lot of the things that I feel that I want to do are "good intentions" meaning sharing the Gospel etc.

Plesae forgive my long rambling post. I appreciate your positive words of encouragment and things have taken a little bit better turn for the better between my wife and I, i believe. As you have all said that has to be seconardy to my relationship with the Savior. As I think about the situation I am going to put down some ideas of what it means to trust God in step 3 because it is sort of formless for me at times. So here goes: Trusting God means that I give up my desire to fix the world, that instead he knows all and has perfect timing. that I give up trying to be smarter than God, accepting with peace the physicial financial and other limitations that are currenlty in my life right now. Trusting God means accepting eventually with love his guidance and direction and having a hope that he will provide the knowledge and direction exactly when I need it. That in fact he might not come through until after I have given up hope, but that i nee to keep holding on to him. I have to give up the dreams and expectations that I have made for myself believing that because of my disabilty, because of my limitations God would 'make up' for things specifically in this life in the form of better finances. I have to trust God that if it is important enough for me to go back to school, change careers etc that he can give me an undeniable answer, but that if he doesn't I can trust that he will guide me to where I need to be especially now that I have let go of the p@rn and m@strubat@tion issues. I have to trust ni the promises of my patriachal blessing, that even though it seems really dark right now I have a purpose. that even though I am 1 in 7 billion, I am 1 in 7 billion that God knows me better than I know myself and that he is concerned about my life. this last part about having God be aware of my situation and concerned about me is really hard, I don't know why. Like many people it has been easier to say God cares about others more than he does about me. Trusting in God also means that it is possible to recover and be whole again, that I don't have to look back with regret or longing on missed opportunities, but instead God's timing is perfect as is his love and understanding. THanks for listening"
posted at 10:42:05 on August 5, 2014 by sjanderson
Discerning Between Your Spirit and the Spirit of God    
"It's interesting you should post about your feelings vs. the Holy Spirit. I found this quote in the Journal of Discourses.

"I noticed when I was very young in the Church, that men who were greatly gifted of the Lord and had many manifestations, were the men who apostatized; with the exception of the Prophet Joseph Smith, nearly everyone was overthrown. I suppose the reason of it was that they were lifted up in pride and allowed the adversary to take advantage of them. I would like well enough to see these gifts and blessings multiplied among us and upon us, that as a people we should have dreams and visions and manifestations of the Spirit; but there is one thing that we have all got to be very careful about, and that is this: I have seen Elders in my experience that when they got their own spirit moved very much they imagined that it was the Spirit of God, and it was difficult in some instances to tell the difference between the suggestions of their own spirit and the voice of the spirit of God. This is a gift of itself, to be able to distinguish that which suggests itself to our own hearts and that which comes from God. And we are misled sometimes by our own feeling, because of our inability to distinguish between the voice of the Spirit of God and the suggestions of our own spirit."

George Q. Cannon
JD 22:104"
posted at 19:22:26 on August 10, 2014 by Anonymous

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