I think I am going to quit
By sjanderson
7/18/2014 4:59:10 PM
Okay with a big grain of salt I need to vent for a few minutes. I got home from work today after running two errands for my wife. she is laying on the couch tired from a late night with the kids. I ask her if I can help, she gets upset and says you feed the kids. I do the best I can considering we don' have much in the house and we haven't gone grocery shopping and we don't have any grocery money for another week. After I can't make anything that she can eat, she gets upset at me for not "showing love to her". This was after I had done all the dishes in the sin and got the kids dinner ready. I got a little short with my oldest daughter who wasn't helping set the table, my wife gets angry at me and tells me that I can't talk to her like that. She tells me to get out and then proceeds to blame everything on me and my p@rn habit, that she doesn't have a spending problem that it is my problem that I don't work hard enough and am not worthy for God's blessings. All the while she is still laying on the couch reading her book doing facebook whatever. I get that she has to recharge and rest etc, that I don't do enough physically around the house, but there comes a time when ENOUGH is ENOUGH! i went to speak with the bishop on Tuesday and he said the word form the therapist was that we are not really in a great situation nor do we have a lot of hope for change. I get so frustrated because I am the easy target, I can carry all the blame for everything that is wrong in our lives. Never mind that the kids don't listen period, but somehow their not listening is my fault, their talking back to her is my fault. What is doubly difficult is that my new sponsor has about as much sympathy as a rock, actually I think a rock has more sympahty. this brings back a lot of hard feelings from childhood about just toughen up deal with it etc. Well i have soldering on through life from nearly 40 years, with not much success. I know I have to turn my life over to God, as I do it though nothing seems to change. My wife is still angry, my life still sucks, i am still in debt, my legs still don't work etc. i know i am supposed to look on the bright side of life but with the person who is supposed to be my biggest supporter my biggest enemy it is hard to think that things could ever get better. What is frustrating is that I went through the prohbation process I had my Temple recommedn taken away but I am trying to change, my wife keeps pointing out my faults and how the Bishop is giving me a free pass . .... I know I need to let it go, I just oon't have a lot of aith that things can get better.


"Thats quite the situation dude. Sounds similar to mine in alot of ways. wow! in my life my old man used to blame me for things not going right in I get that part of your story.

All I can say, is try not to take what you wife says personally. sounds more like the problem is her then you. ask yourself (or her) would it be different if u didnt have your problem? and if so what problem is she willing to trade for?

I say this because in my life, I would rather have my pathetic problems then someone elses, bcz if it wasnt mb/p, then it would be something else I probably wouldn't really want..and life can suck awhole lot more.

sometimes we just have to endure. and finding a good group of friends is really helpful. keep trying dude.
when we bust outra here and in the next life, we are going to be happy, just hang on."
posted at 03:12:47 on July 19, 2014 by skyteamst90
I wish I had an advocate    
Not to lay on the negativity, but just came home from Church again and wife yelled at me for offering to clear the table. She told me that she is happy without me....i wish I had someone that could help me. The Bishop was at a loss of what to say on Tuesday when we spoke. My wife is so very angry. She cleaned her room, and dumped all her sh@t in my room, or I should say the room I have bee allowed to sleep in. The entire house is full of garbage, extra clothes toys etc that I can't hardly walk without tripping on something. Honestly I have to say I am hoping that when I go to sleep tonight I won't wake up. I don't want to be depressed or angry or anything like that, it is just that she gets angry at me all the time and it seems like if only I had a little support things could be better. What is sort of disappointing as well is the fact that I ahve been reaching out for help to try and get better, my wife doesn't seem to realize that she needs help or the kind of help that would be best for the long term."
posted at 13:57:10 on July 20, 2014 by sjanderson
Be Strong    
"Hey SJANDRSON. I cannot say that I understand what you are going through, but I do not envy your situation. I truly hope things get better for you. Have you sat down with your wife at a time when she is angry with you and just asked her, in a soft way, "what can I do to help you right now?" or "I am really sorry for making you angry, but I don't want to anymore, so what can I do to change." It seems that she obviously has something that is bothering her. It may be the addiction, or it may be something else, but letting her know that you want to help make her life easier by sitting down and talking with her may be more effective than trying to just help her when she doesn't seemed to want help. You may have already done this, and if you have just ignore this comment; I just get a better response when I approach my wife this way. Best of luck to you my brother."
posted at 18:36:22 on July 20, 2014 by Anonymous
Does anybody feel like God is out to get them?    
"I want to say thank you for the opportunity to express my feelings and frustrations. I am really worried/scared about trusting God to lead my life. i feel like if i trust him he will disappoint me and drop me like a hot potato. It has been difficult the last few days in particular because I have been reaching out for help and people don't have time or interest in helping out. I know I shouldn't care or it shouldn't affect me but it does hurt when I feel like i need help and as I said other people that I ask don't have the time. I used to be okay with asking for help and not getting help but for some reason recently the last couple of weeks these hurts have been very real and almost a reliving of all the pains and slights from the past. I know the Atonement is supposed to make up or help me feel better but in my heart it is just a hollow feeling right now. I feel like I have given my all to situation and as described in my posts above my wife just seems to get angry at me and put her garbage in my space. Again I don't want to wallow in negative feelings, just need to try and deal with them and figure out what to do next. As I mentioned in my subject line, I feel like God is out ot get me, to make me fail and that I can't trust him. I know I need to overcome this, but honestly I don't know how to do this"
posted at 05:41:35 on July 21, 2014 by sjanderson
"I would like you sjadnderson to contact me for support. I am not a counselor or anything, but if your interested in some extra support and help. email me at solongsuckers01 at g mail.

and ps god is not out to get you. if he was, you would have been gone a long time ago."
posted at 18:18:05 on July 21, 2014 by skyteamst90
Vent on bro if it helps!    
"SJ bro.... vent on. Even in your anger and frustration I know you are strong.

I love what Anon said about saying "What can I do to help you right now." That is solid stuff he is saying there. You can't go wrong by going the compassionate route.

I'll add that you are definitely in an emotionally abusive relationship and so you need to make sure you have healthy boundaries. I know I keep saying it man, but you've got to get there. She's walking all over you and it's screwing both of you up. You can't fix her, but what are your rules for yourself?

Anyway, Skyteam is totally right about if God was out to get you, then there would be no question about it. I know you are in the dumps and I get it, when you feel like that, I totally get it. Go ahead and vent about it. Just remember somewhere in there in your head that you are known and loved EXACTLY as you are right now. God lives. God does want you to succeed and in some weird way, He is giving you all you need for success right here in this very moment. The trick is seeing that.

I am having a crappy day myself right now, so I am actually just writing to myself now. So thanks for the chance to slap myself a little and wake up from the fog of despair.

You can do this. I can do this. We can do this. Life is awesome! "
posted at 19:11:41 on July 22, 2014 by maddy
thanks for the support    
"thanks all for your positive words and letting me vent over the last couple of days. I am trying very hard to let go and let God. I am also trying very hard to live 24 hours at a time no more no less my prayers go out to all you"
posted at 20:49:43 on July 23, 2014 by sjanderson

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"Don’t live your life in despair, feeling sorry for yourself because of the mistakes you have made. Let the sunshine in by doing the right things—now. It may be difficult to begin, but pick up the scriptures and immerse yourself in them. Look for favorite passages. Lean on the Master’s teachings, on His servants’ testimonies. Refresh your parched soul with the word of God. The scriptures will give you comfort and the strength to overcome. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990