Sex, and talking to the bishop.
By xcrunning96
5/4/2014 8:02:29 PM
Towards the beginning of the second semester of my freshman year in high school, I started dating a young man who is a member of the church. When I was a freshman, he was a junior in high school. I never really had a boyfriend until him. I really felt like I loved this young man. Before summer, we had sex for the first time. We continued to date over the summer and into my sophomore year. Every day after school, he would bring me home. And if both of my parents were working, he would stay over for awhile. I soon began to feel like an object to him. He began talking to another girl. I knew he would talk to her, but I did not know how often. Soon, he began hanging out with this girl along with another girl from his band class. They became "best friends." Even though we were still dating and he was talking to another girl, he continued to say he loved me and have sex with me. During my second semester of my sophomore year, he cheated on me. He had sex with this other girl. I was heart broken. I wish I would have let go sooner. Because I was hurt, I ended up talking to another guy and having sex with him. Only once. I felt miserable. As time went on, I had space and I kept away from guys and people. When it came time to having 2 weeks left before summer, this young man that broke my heart wanted me back. I don't know what happened to me in that moment, but I took him back. We dated the whole summer before I went back to school. When I started school, I realized that I didn't need him. He made me feel gross, like an object, some kind of person I knew I wasn't. I met another young man in one of my classes. Him and I started talking and he made me open my eyes. He gave me strength to really end things with the young man that made me feel used. I am forever grateful for that young man, he has blessed my life in so many ways today. Because of him I know what true love feels like. He has expressed it to me. A couple of months ago, my parents found out that my current boyfriend, the one that has impacted my life for the better , that him and I had had sex. They made me talk to the bishop. When I talked to the bishop, I only told him that I had sex with my current boyfriend. I didn't tell him about the other two. I also told the bishop that it only occurred twice when that wasn't true. I've met with him 3 times individually and once with my current boyfriend. It's been about 5 weeks since him and I have met one on one. I feel like he might know something more than what I told him. What could happen? I really need someone there :(


My two cents    
thnks for sharing and I hope you find hope and healing here with the group. For me getting the full weight of my sins off my shoulders was so very helpful. As I look back on it I regret holdign in the things i did wrong for so many years. I don't knwo the details of your situation or any idea what the bishop will say or do, but if he is doing his job followin the Spirit he will do his best to help you feel the Spirit, the love from your eavenly father who wants you to be whole. Something you might consider as well is yes you have made mistakes, but it would be good to look a little deeper as to why you made the chocies you did because as you turn to the Lord and try to overcome these weaknesses you can become stronger. for me I turned to P@rn and it was because I wanted to control my life. yes p@rn was bad and a sin, but deeper than that was my fear and anxiety about life. So instead of turning to the Lord when I needed him most I turned to something else. While i have had some sobriety, nearly 100 days if I don't get at the deeper reason for my actions I will just replace the bad habit or choices with another bad choice maybe food, tv or video games.

Your heavenlly father loves you just the way you are right now . .. really he does. He wants you just the way you are. Going to your Bishop getting it all off your chest and following Spirit forward will guide you to where you need to be

posted at 20:46:12 on May 4, 2014 by sjanderson
"I think you should absolutely tell the Bishop everything. You should also ask yourself an important question, "Do I have Godly sorrow or worldly sorrow?" What worries you more? Your friends and family knowing what you have done? Or God knowing what you've done?

You are exactly right about these young men objectifying you. It is wrong.

As a sex addict myself, you are exhibiting a lot of the characteristics of an addict. Using sex as a release from your insecurities, minimizing the degree of seriousness (I know you are being very honest here though), seeking to hide the extent of the problem, and deception with parents and bishop. I know some of those are related. These are signs of addiction. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I see myself in a lot of what you say here and I'm an addict for sure. Was in denial for a long time. If you want true healing your gonna have to make some hard choices.
First, even though your current boyfriend is a "good young man" you need to end the relationship. If you want true recovery and healing for both of you this is a must.
2. Start attending ARP meetings. Even if you don't think you have an addiction, the principles you learn there will lea you to repentance.
3. Be accountable to your Bishop and another person. The best choice for this other person is someone who has been in your situation and has found recovery.
4. Ultimately know that true healing and recovery comes through one source, Jesus Christ. Know it is possible and if you turn your will over to Him and be willing to eo anything to achieve recovery, it will absolutely happen.

Good resources:
"He restoreth my soul" by Dolald Hilton
"Sitting in a Rowboat throwing marbles at a Battleship"
SA white book
ARP 12 step manual"
posted at 23:00:45 on May 6, 2014 by Anonymous
girls talking to bishops    
"Doesn't anyone find it creepy when you are a young woman and you have to tell the bishop about your sexy stuff?

Personally, I would tell a trusted adult or a therapist. Bishops have a special calling, but they are still men and I find it highly inappropriate for them to hear this stuff. In any other setting anywhere else in the world this would not be okay.

I was asked details by a couple of bishops and had the sickest feeling. I found a woman sponsor and shared my stuff with her. I feel cleared and am doing much better.

Talk to God and a therapist. I hate all of the guilt and shame placed on us by others just because we struggle. People that do all of the guilty shaming are peopke that sin too. I think the idea is to tell someone, but because you are a young woman, and bishops have no professional training, and they are men, I would go another route."
posted at 23:33:01 on May 7, 2014 by Anonymous
"This is in response to the post: "Girls talking to bishops."

I think if you go in to confess to a bishop about breaking the law of chastity you do not need to give any specific details. All you should need to say is: "My boyfriend and I had sexual relations about this number of times." Or "My boyfriend and I broke the law of chastity and I let him touch intimate parts of my body. I let this happen this number of times."

If a bishop is asking what position you were in or any other inappropriate details you can politely refuse to answer the question. A bishop should be there to make sure you are moving in the right direction and repenting."
posted at 20:36:12 on May 9, 2014 by Anonymous

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"The excuse is given that it is hard to avoid, that it is right at our fingertips and there is no escape. Suppose a storm is raging and the winds howl and the snow swirls about you. You find yourself unable to stop it. But you can dress properly and seek shelter, and the storm will have no effect upon you. Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life. "

— Gordon B. Hinckley

General Conference, October 2004