Diving back in...
By seeker
4/20/2014 12:40:20 AM
Since the last time I came to this site things have spun out of control. It didn't feel like anything was wrong until this past week. So a little update should help tell everyone where I am at.

Last time I posted I talked about a job I was afraid of having and all the complications that came with it. I took some advice given and pushed through. I kept the job and that was one of the best things I have ever done. I love my job and what I do. I gained friends, I help people and I now live on my own. I take care of myself. I go out with my friends and have had some real fun times.

So this last week I came home and two men came by my place. One I recognized right away as an old friend to my family and my bishop when I was in young women's and the other I didn't. I guess they were looking for my younger brother who my mother said was at my place. After some talking I was informed that my old bishop was now my bishop again. He invited me to attend church and talked with my brother for a bit.

After they left, I couldn't stop thinking about how my life had changed so much in 8 months. I was happy, but I didn't think about church or the gospel once. I was out every night drinking, smoking and doing drugs. Then I would get up and go to work only to be out drinking again that night. I felt stupid. I had everything I wanted, but I forgot who I was. I gave in to my addictions and didn't even realize it. I mean somewhere along the way I am sure I thought I was doing something wrong, but it felt so right and good I didn't even think twice about it. Now I'm finally awake to what I have been doing and I feel sick.

I gave up. I tried to pretend what I was doing was okay, by saying, "I believe in the church, but the lifestyle is too hard for me." So with that saying in mind I continued to do what I want. I didn't care anymore, I had friends and people who cared about me. I mean I was convinced that church wasn't for me. I hadn't seen a bishop in about a year, no one ever came over from church, people I had been friends with on facebook from church deleted me, I hadn't gone inside a church building in over a year and I boxed away my scriptures.

But since the bishop visited I have had this nagging feeling that I am missing something. It's like one of those feelings you have when you know you are forgetting something but you aren't sure what. Yet, I know what I am missing. I am missing the gospel. I am so sick with myself.

So instead of just laying around saying I want to change, I am diving in again. I unpacked my scriptures, came back to this site and am looking forward to church on Sunday. So now, I hope to come back into the gospel, even though I fear I may be rejected. I came back here for some support and even some advice on what I need to do next and what may happen. I fear that telling my bishop what I have done will mean that I am not welcomed, but I hope this is not the case. So please, help me prepare for what is to come.


welcome back    
I am glad to hear your willingess to follow the Savior, and I know that he is even more than I am. I am glad to hear that you have come to yourself. I am too going through a recovery process of coming to myself, that the addictions were just a way to cover the emotions, the pain the fear that I was feeling. I hope that you continue with the feelings that you are feeling right now. I know for me that has been really helpful for me. I have toyed with sobriety for years but never knew how to make that transition. Now with an experience that was encouraging spiritually as well as a sponsor to help hold me accountable as well as the fellowship of an SA group I am making steps toward my Savior. I am struggling right now with the consequences of my actions because I thought I could sweep it all away or the Saviour would do that and now I am having to face the anger hurt and resentment of my wife. However with the Savior's help I am able to keep going one more 24 hours.Hang in there!"
posted at 12:10:43 on April 20, 2014 by sjanderson
"I commend you for wanting to listen to the Holy Ghost. I believe it is the LORD who is reaching out to you and giving you those feelings of wanting to repent and turn to Him. The LORD is full of mercy and will help you on your journey back to His open arms. The challenges you will face when dealing with changing your soul through God's power are a small price for all the many blessings and peace that will come into your life."
posted at 09:53:32 on April 26, 2014 by Anonymous

Add a Comment:

***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"If it were possible to make your road very easy, you wouldn’t grow in strength. If you were always forgiven for every mistake without effort on your part, you would never receive the blessings of repentance. If everything were done for you, you wouldn’t learn how to work, or gain self-confidence, or acquire the power to change. "

— Richard G. Scott

General Conference May 1990