By inbetween
1/14/2014 5:07:20 AM
K... I need advice.... so I got sent home from my mission for medical reasons. Got surgery and now recovering... before my mission I was a hard core sex addict and it took a lot a lot to get on my mission... now being almost 6 months in and home on medical leave I have a lot of down time... when I got home I was bitter and masturbated, and looked at inappropriate pictures, but confessed to my stake president and he deemed me worthy and told me to go forth.... I saw people having sex on my tv, and my hormones went off. I didn't masturbate and I didn't sit there and watch it all that long!!(minutes) But I did release in my pants from being pressed against the ground... i hit my knees and asked for forgiveness. I feel good, but i don't want to be justifying it or taking it too lightly... am i good with prayer? I feel bad cause i have had a lot of bad thoughts being home, but i am trying to do my best not to act on them... then this has happened...


"I don't think you can get any more advice than what you got from your Stake President. What did he tell you?"
posted at 10:10:21 on January 14, 2014 by jakey
thanks for the advice    
"Well he told me those things before this happened.... and I did more last time than this time. That's why I'm curious I prayer is the right confession right now, and if it gets worse then go to him? Cause I'm not a porn addict or am addict to masturbating... I think I'm just really worried that it'll lead to more. But at the same time I have promised myself since being endowed I won't til marriage"
posted at 11:41:36 on January 14, 2014 by inbetween
Are you still an addict?    
"Welcome, inbetween. Congratulations on serving a mission!

You say that you "were" a sex addict. Do you think you are now? What did you do to overcome your temptations the first time? Have you attended group meetings and worked the twelve steps? Have you ever heard of or ?

Others might disagree, but I personally don't think what you are describing since your last interview with the Stake President is sinful--but it is clearly a weakness. In the Church, we do a terrible job distinguishing between these two things. Your weakness is that you are carnal and sensual, tempted by lust, and attracted to sex. That's actually part of life. It's normal. It's a natural desire. It doesn't make you bad. It makes you human. It's a result of the fall of Adam, and we are not punished for Adam's transgression.

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to overcome weaknesses. How do we overcome them? There is only one way: humble ourselves before Jesus. Admit that we are powerless against them. Admit how much we need him. Have hope, faith, and trust in him. He will change us and make weaknesses become strong.

When I was a missionary, we taught people that sin was "purposefully or intentionally disobeying or rebelling against God." That's different than weakness. Sin requires full-fledged repentance. Weakness requires humility. Both require Christ.

I think what you did recently simply didn't serve you. It didn't help your situation, and it didn't make you stronger or closer to God. You should avoid those things, but they don't make you a bad person.

My personal advice is to do what the Spirit directs. If you are feeling like you can't get past this without talking to someone, go to group meetings. If you still feel you need to talk to your Bishop or Stake President, do it. Ask God to tell you what you still lack, and resolve to do whatever he says. That method will always draw you nearer to him.

However, I wouldn't be surprised if the Spirit does not press upon you to talk to your ecclesiastical leaders about this episode. I personally don't believe you have violated the law of chastity or intentionally disobeyed God. Instead, you succumbed to a weakness that must be tamed.

There are ways to tame the weakness, with Christ, so that it is much easier to control. Check out the addiction recovery programs and groups around you, and check out the websites I mentioned. Keep posting your thoughts and questions here, too.

posted at 13:46:24 on January 14, 2014 by beclean
another great help! prayers answered!!    
"No I overcame being a sex addict!! Phew!! I've been clean for 2 years and staying strong and I think you're completely right, reading through that I realized it is a weakness, and I think that's why my stake president told me to go forth and to engage in more service and temple attendance. I feel bad cause I wouldn't do that on my mission and the contrast of spirituality... I don't feel bad as if I have committed a horrible sin though.. if that makes sense. Thank you for your comment, all day I've been pondering this and i went back and forth, and this is am answer to my prayers i believe. But yes, i still have the weakness that my natural man really really wants out, but 9/10 I'm even willing to say 9.5/10 times nothing comes of it. On my mission I didn't even think about doing anything like this... i think being back in the world and not being set apart as a missionary is the tough part. I don't have those powers the Lord blesses us with as a missionary, but this gives me strength to know I'm still human and I still have weaknesses. Thank you!"
posted at 18:42:44 on January 14, 2014 by inbetween
also--be clean    
"I mean like all i would do was have sex... i never really looked at porn before... masturbation was only a problem when i wasn't doing other things... but like i said... I'm not a porn addict nor do i have that urge. That's why i believe that although wasn't the best choice i know its not a problem, like it would be if i did anything with a women"
posted at 18:45:20 on January 14, 2014 by inbetween
My comments    
Thanks for sharing about yourself and your struggles. My feelings are that if you understand the chemicals that are involved in your addiction you'll be able t understand your challenges a little easier. I was probably a little like yourself. I've had physical challenges of my own. I've gotten angry at God a lot because of my disability, which fueled a lot of my addiction.

Something that has helped me is understanding hte biology of the brain, that there are chemicals released during porn and mb. the program is really helping me a lot. Realizing that there are other folks who have felt and do feel the same way I do has helped me lot. I believe that Satan works really hard on each one of us to get us to believe that we are unique, but not in the way the Lord sees us, unique in that we are beyond the Saviours grasp. Knowing that someone else struggles with those same feelings of guilt, self loathing has helped me in a small way realize that it is not something wrong with me, but that it is the way our bodies are made - the release of hormones to make us feel good. Good luck, your in my prayers"
posted at 08:34:59 on January 15, 2014 by sjanderson
"I appreciate that point of view... I kissed a girl last night and nothing happened really except ejaculation in my pants.. I didn't fully comprehend why me, and if I am going back t the old me, and I beat myself up, but I'm glad for your comments and your words cause he helps me realize I'm not alone and our bodies do certain and specific things... thank you so much!!"
posted at 11:49:27 on January 15, 2014 by inbetween
isn't that crazy?    
"I had the same thing happen to me a couple times while kissing girls back before I was married. It seems to happen a lot. If you weren't doing anything else, I'm going to say that's normal and not a sin or problem. Instead, it's more of a warning sign to not go father. It probably shut everything down right there, which is probably good. Your brain was already taking you farther than it should, I bet."
posted at 14:33:33 on January 15, 2014 by beclean
i heard that!    
"Haha yes its very true!!! We were just kissing... I mean a lot obviously, but no. She didn't touch me... I didn't touch her... ha but I too think its a big warning sign to go farther!! I know my brain and natural man wanted much much more, but I won't let that happen! Glad I'm not the only one!"
posted at 16:07:51 on January 15, 2014 by inbetween

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"Man has a dual nature; one, related to the earthly or animal life; the other, akin to the divine. Whether a man remains satisfied within what we designate the animal world, satisfied with what the animal world will give him, yielding without effort to the whim of his appetites and passions and slipping farther and farther into the realm of indulgence, or whether, through self-mastery, he rises toward intellectual, moral, and spiritual enjoyments depends upon the kind of choice he makes every day, nay, every hour of his life"

— David O. McKay