*UPDATE* from SKYTEAMST90 / I wish this was positive
By skyteamst90
10/30/2013 4:54:56 PM
well it's been a while since I have been on this site. I have been busy with life and school. I have been enrolled since summer and work towards a chemical dependency degree so I will be a LADC person working with addicts. Yay me.

I managed to get rebaptised in September back into the Mormon church and it was an interesting experience. It was a short and brief meeting and not too much to it. A bunch of people showed up, more then i expected, and I was surprised. My 3 kids were in attendance along with my ex wife.

I was quite embarrassed during the whole thing, because I don't like THAT type of attention. Sometimes I can be the class clown, but this spiritual attention, was something I wasn't comfortable with. I did feel awkward.

I felt I exercised my faith, as my bishop and elders quorum president thought I was ready, although I didn't feel so. I didn't think I had enough sobriety or time between my struggles with the flesh. So, I decided to "follow my leaders" and just go along with them.

When I had my reconvene of the disciplinary court, they all recommend me for rebaptisimg...I couldn't believe it. I really thought they would say no, and i would have to other things in my life. I knew me, and I was aware of the Lord, but why would he allow this despite all my issues? Did the spirit, who knows all things make this clear to these guys?

So when I got baptised, and even for the meeting, I didn't feel the spirit. I didn't feel relieved, I didn't feel a burden lift...I felt that butterfly in my stomach. Furthermore, when I was confirmed, I didn't feel the spirit enter upon being told, to receive the holy ghost. This has left me feeling unsure and especially perplexed. Even now, I feel like I made a mistake. I was once told, in a priesthood blessing that I would know that I was forgiven and I would feel it...for me, it looks like that blessing hasn't come to pass.

I met with my bishop a couple weeks later to discuss my concern and his answer didn't satisfy me. I still felt in the dark. I still felt like I made a mistake.

So I am considering, to with drawl my name from the church now, because this doesn't feel right and just endure my life. I don't know why these issues have to be in my life. I don't get answers to prayers, or the spirit doesn't talk to me. I never got answers by reading the scriptures...its never worked out that way for me. So I think separating from it is best as this may not be for me. I have my feelings and thoughts about Christ and what has happened in my life, and I have my own feelings about what he has done for me, but this situation leaves me totally confused. I am stunned.


Thanks for the update    
"Hey SkyTeam, good to see you! Congratulations on entering through the gate and stepping back onto the straight and narrow path!! Of course, it's not the finish line; it's the starting line.

I am sad that you feel you should remove your name from the Church again.

Is it possible that you have misunderstood the purpose of your baptism and church membership, and you are expecting something that is not really the point?

What is the purpose of baptism to you?
When should someone get baptized?
What is the purpose of being a member of the church?
Who should be a member?
What is the method by which you receive the holy ghost?
What do the scriptures teach about these things?

If I may share a few thoughts: Based on what I experience in the temple, I believe that salvation is ENTIRELY by proxy. Jesus Christ performed the work. He has taken upon himself to provide for his Saints, and it is HIS work and glory to bring about our immortality and eternal life. He WILL accomplish his purposes and his work. He WILL save and exalt us...

IF we don't fight against him. IF we "always remember" him and "receive" his work on our behalf. Those are three very important words.

He has given us a bunch of commandments. Most of them are just for our own benefit, because they are the way to live happily without hurting ourselves or others. If we break these commandments, it doesn't mean we're going to hell, because Jesus rescued us from that fate. It just means that we'll be unhappy for a time--that's the natural consequence.

But there are a few commandments, called ordinances, that I believe God gave us as the actual method whereby we show him that we always remember his son and receive his work. Just like sacrificing a lamb or a ram anciently, these ordinances do NOT actually perform the saving work for us--Jesus did that. These ordinances just show God OUTWARDLY what we hope is happening INWARDLY: that we are "always remembering" Christ and "receiving" him and his work.

Baptism is not really the method whereby we are forgiven. We are forgiven by repenting and receiving Christ's atonement in our lives. Baptism is a symbol of that process.

Confirmation is not really the method whereby we receive the Holy Ghost. We receive the Holy Ghost by making certain changes in our life to prepare a place for him, and then we ask him to please come. Confirmation is merely a command: Go receive the Holy Ghost.

If you don't feel that baptism or confirmation did anything for you, perhaps that's because they didn't. When your bishop and high council decide you are ready for these ordinances, and when these ordinances are performed, it does not mean that you are magically now sinless and full of the Holy Ghost. Only YOU and the LORD can do that. Just because you performed the ordinances outwardly does not guarantee that the actions they represent have been performed (or will ever be performed) inwardly.

SkyTeam, do you DESIRE to "always remember" and "receive" Christ, even though you feel somewhat incapable of doing it right now?

If you desire these things, then you should be baptized, since that is all baptism says, "I desire to always remember and receive Christ." You can take as much time as you need to figure out how to do that. NOTE: baptism is not something that perfect people do. It's something that sinners do.

SkyTeam, do you DESIRE to improve yourself, live a happy life, and help and serve others? Do you DESIRE to be a part of God's kingdom?

If you desire these things, then you should be a member of record of the Church. All members sin. All members struggle. I think the only requirement of being a member is that you DESIRE to improve yourself and bless others, etc. NOTE: the Church is not for perfect people. It is for sinners.

And it seems as if you feel you have not yet actually received the Holy Ghost. No problem. I bet lots of people feel that way after baptism and confirmation. This does not mean you should withdraw your name. All it means is that you should obey the command you were given: receive the Holy Ghost. If you aren't sure how to receive it, go study the scriptures and figure it out.

I think you expected too much from the ordinances. The ordinances themselves do nothing. There is still plenty of time for you to make the atonement effective in your life, if you desire it.

God WILL heal you and change you and bless you and save you, IF you don't remove yourself from him. Just stick with him. Walk beside him. Keep asking him. Keep desiring to follow him. He will do it in his own time and his own way. Surrender to his timetable, and stay as close to him as you can. He will accomplish his marvelous work and a wonder in you. You have infinite worth to him, and he loves you and accepts you."
posted at 19:03:21 on October 30, 2013 by beclean
My .02    
"I don't know if this is helpful at all but I can only share my experiences and hope they are useful to you. You may have to read between the lines a little but I hope it makes sense.

I'll share you with my thoughts on a temple sealing. As an ordinance we often say "We were sealed in the temple" like it is a done deal. My experience has not been that. Yes, there was an entering in through the gate and an ordinance and a promise, but the sealing itself is something that happens and continues to happen through a lifetime and maybe an eternity. It isn't an is a process. There have been times were I have literally felt things click or melt into place with my spouse. I felt more 'sealed' to them than before.

In the beginning of my marriage, I felt little to no change at all in almost every way. But time and righteous living has sealed us closer. It has been an act of renewal. It has taken so much time. We haven't arrived anywhere, but that is my whole point.

I don't know, but perhaps your rebaptism is not a single event, nor should it be. You took on you the symbol of the ordinance. You are doing your part. Let the process and the journey work on you and perhaps you will have a lifetime of immersing yourself in Living Water. We do believe in baptism by immersion after all.

Like BeClean said, you get to receive the Holy Ghost...not as a single, specific moment but as the continual acceptance of grace and communion with God continues in your life. Maybe some people get hit with it like lightning. I guess that is what they need. Others receive it like a seed that grows. Both are beautiful.

I want God in my life now. I want him there big and powerful and dominate and undeniable. But that is not how He shows Himself to me. He is a quiet and still God who loves me without compulsion on His part. There are no fireworks in my relationship with Him. I am having to learn to not envy those who have the experiences that I want.

Let Him work in you however He will.

You said you feel like something isn't right. I believe you. The heart doesn't lie, but what exactly isn't right? You said that prayer and scriptures don't bring the Spirit. So can I ask? What does? Because you obviously have felt it. And most said you have your own feelings and thoughts about Christ. Would you share them here? I felt something when I read that. Please, I want to hear what you have to say.

posted at 22:01:07 on October 30, 2013 by Anonymous
"Maybe your leader did jump the gun. It doesn't matter. God knows your heart. Please read the new testiment. Start with chapter 5, open your heart, and read it like a child reads. Jesus died for you and his grace is enough. We tend to overly complicate things. The moment your heart is turned to him, his atonement for you is in effect. Ask him to touch your life. Let him know your concerns. Focus only on him because he is everything and all that matters. I promise if you will do this, you will feel his love and power."
posted at 01:51:35 on October 31, 2013 by Anonymous
I have forgotten about this post    
"I will try to remember what I was thinking or feeling when I wrote my entry and answer Maddys questions.
She asked me to explain what I felt not right about. For me i think it was (at that time) a couple things like the fact that a priesthood blessing promised a confirmation upon being rebaptised, and none was given. I felt let down, and then doubted the authenticity of the blessing [then coming to the knowledge of a Denver Snuffer which claimed a fullness of the priesthood isnt restored, which then lead me to believe or confirm that that is the reason why I didnt feel anything; but that is a whole another story]. I think that is the biggest reason if I remember correct.

To answer the ways in which I have felt the spirit is sometimes in sacrment. meeting, but it is rare. Most of the time I dont get anything out of it. the only sacrammet meeting I have got out was attending services in the army. very spiritual moments. not easily replicated.

another way has been listening to general conference, in which I am embaressed to say. I do feel embaressed to weep. you have no idea. I do have depression and so that , I think, makes me more sensitive to weeping, so I feel embarrassed.

I cant ever recall feeling the spirit when praying or reading the I have felt left down. I supose I contributed that to the mb/p thing I think.

my thoughts about christ....
I will repost."
posted at 01:25:12 on July 17, 2014 by skyteamst90

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