Please Help me
By rogermerril
10/11/2013 4:10:19 AM
dear everyone,

I really need some help from you guys and I need some advice. I returned home from a mission about nine eight months ago and I decided to sign up for a dating site because I really wanted to meet new people. this was a terrible idea because I found myself talking to girls that were not lds and they would send me pictures of themselves that were inappropriate and at first it was easy to just delete those people, but after a while I found myself looking at these photos and causing a bad habit of masturbation. I feel absolutely horrible about myself because I feel like I will talk to my bishop and I don't want to get ex communicated for it. I also feel like I will never be worthy of a wife I would like to have. I will always feel so dirty and know I have done these horrible things. I have tried to quit getting on this dating site but it is so hard because it is so easy to meet new girls and they seem to do this all the time. I manage to stay clean for a couple of weeks at a time but soon fall again. to be honest I just need some help from all of you. I just hope you can give me some advice on what is going to happen to me once I talk to the bishop about this problem. Will I be excommunicated? it would be nice to hear from some of you that have had the same problem. thank you for your support and words of encouragement.


There's no way    
"... you served a mission."
posted at 07:52:38 on October 11, 2013 by Anonymous
"For the above anonymous. This person is out of line. Don't give up on yourself. You can do it.

Just realize that bishops are human, also. Some even have had similar problems as the sex addicts on this site. Do your best and leave God the rest. :)"
posted at 08:42:59 on October 11, 2013 by Anonymous
"I have been in your shoes. You will not be excommunicated. In fact, you won't face any form of formal church discipline.

Talk to your bishop, he will help you."
posted at 08:43:44 on October 11, 2013 by ETTE
"Maybe my comment was a little rash. I just had a hard time believing a return missionary was that ill informed about general church discipline."
posted at 09:04:24 on October 11, 2013 by Anonymous
"Welcome to the site Roger.

There is nothing to be afraid of by talking to the Bishop. No, you will not be excommunicated. He will help you the best he can to overcome this problem and get your life back where you wanted.

The sooner you get help the better. Again, Welcome to the site."
posted at 09:10:30 on October 11, 2013 by maddy
"well then what did you mean by how you couldn't believe how ill informed I am about general church discipline? what were you trying to say there?"
posted at 11:00:54 on October 11, 2013 by rogermerril
"Welcome. You are not alone. And your actions do not make you bad. Your worth is not defined by your actions.

If my worth were defined by my actions, I would be worthless. But I know for a fact I am not worthless, because God sacrificed his only perfect godly son in exchange for me. That right there tells me I have infinite worth...which means my actions must not define my worth.

And the same is true for you. Your actions are not you. You are the one observing and learning from those actions. Those actions have consequences on you, so you should avoid making bad choices. But bad choices do not make YOU bad.

Your bishop will love you and help you. Going to him is symbolic for going to the Savior. You must "turn" to the Savior (since that is the definition of repentance). And part of turning to him in your heart is doing it symbolically in the open. Go to the bishop and tell him everything, just like you would tell God everything. As God's representative, your bishop will love you like God loves you, and he will help you like God helps you.

As you taught on your mission, the Savior is there for those who sin. He rejoices in the one who repents. He spent his time with publicans and sinners. He loves you, and he's excited to say to you, "Neither do I condemn you...go, and sin no more."

AND you should seek out information for how to get your life back in balance so that you are no longer craving this method of coping with life. Check out The advice there is all completely free, and it has helped me immensely.

Welcome. Keep coming back when you are tempted."
posted at 12:38:04 on October 11, 2013 by beclean
"I wouldn't worry about the anonymous comment. Some just seem to be worried because there have been some trolls on this site that have been stirring things up."
posted at 13:50:54 on October 11, 2013 by Anonymous
"I would quit now before you go down a path you can't return on without painful changes. You are at the beginning. Right now its really fun because you've never done it before, but it will get harder to quit this. I hope your mature enough to stop now, your life will get more difficult and depressing if you keep going down this road."
posted at 10:41:02 on October 13, 2013 by Anonymous
any thoughts?    
"I just feel like I am completely broken. I just feel like a horrible person for doing all of this. I haven't really been struggling to bad lately with these problems but I'm just afraid to go to the bishop and tell him. I mean its not because of the punishment I will receive it's just I am so ashamed for what I have done and I feel like this has ruined my chances of ever getting the girl I want. I mean I am a good guy I truly am but I feel like every dream I ever wanted just went out the door. I just feel bad because I have sinned against my father in heaven. I just feel downright crumby. That and I just wish I had an idea of how severe my repentance process might be. Any advice?"
posted at 12:01:02 on October 13, 2013 by rogermerril
Get Thee Behind me, Satan    
"Reread your last comment, Roger. That's Lucifer talking.

You are a child of God. He still loves you and accepts you. He will still bless you. You can still have every good thing, because you can have Christ, and Christ is every good thing. It makes no difference what you've done; that's what Satan wants us to believe. What matters is what Christ has done. You can have all the blessings you seek, not because of you, but because of Christ. Turn to him. Don't listen to Satan.

After you reread what Satan is saying in your last comment, let that go. Read my two posts again, and then go check out"
posted at 12:33:46 on October 13, 2013 by beclean
"Satan wants you to feel too much shame to see your bishop. If you have described the worst of your sins, then I will tell you the worst your bishop can do is take your temple, release you from your calling, and ask you not to take sacrament until you repent. None of these actions are permanent. They will not be on your membership record the way disfellowshipment or excommunication will.

That's the worst that can happen. I've heard at group that the church handbook literally says you cannot be put on formal probatiion or disfellowshipped or excommunicated for pornography and masturbation. That's the frank truth about your discipline.

Honestly, your bishop might not even take your recommend or ask you to refrain from sacrament. In my experience, half of my bishops have taken those measures with me, the other half have not.
The worst thing you can do right now is avoid your bishop. To thine own self be true. Tell the bishop what's going on."
posted at 13:43:35 on October 13, 2013 by ette
"You won't be ex'd."
posted at 20:05:54 on October 15, 2013 by jakey
"Roger, your not a bad person. Your a good person who bad things have happened to. When you talk to your Bishop it will feel like the venom is being sucked out of you. And you will start to experience immediately the healing power of the atonement. It may take time but you can get exactly where you want to go. Only you can control your fate. I feel ya bro, and I admire you. And remember you may feel ashamed about talking to your bishop (which you don't need to be) but think the shame you feel now is greater. And you can get rid of all of that if you just talk to him. Thanks man, your an inspiration to me.
(This is a different anonymous user btw)"
posted at 21:50:20 on October 23, 2013 by Anonymous
There have been a number of posts about "Toxic Shame"    
"and what it does to you. It's a trick of the adversary. Don't buy into it. Lift up your head, realize that you are a child of God, and ask for His forgiveness and strength. And then look upon others who have challenges the same way. Ether 12 has some wisdom regarding weakness and why men have weakness. You might want to read it."
posted at 11:11:44 on October 24, 2013 by dog
"Shame was the nakedness Adam and Eve felt in the Garden. Lucifer was the one who told them, "You are naked. Hide!" There was no reason for them to hide from the God who loved them. God already knew they were naked. He didn't care. Lucifer wanted them to hide from God, since he knew God would love them and heal them. So, he made up something stupid about how bad and evil they were for being naked. He basically told them God would be angry with them when he saw their nakedness. He threatened that God wouldn't love them and would want to punish them.

What a crock!

When Adam and Eve said they hid themselves because of their nakedness, God's response sounds like a parent who is shocked at what their kid just said. "Who told you you were naked?" Almost like, "Where did you get that idea? I never told you about that."

Anyway, I just think Lucifer tries so hard to get us to think we must hide from a vengeful, spiteful God who is going to punish us for being naked. In truth, God already knows we are naked (we have weaknesses), and he loves us! Far from punishing us, he will provide his own Son as a Savior for us. That is incredible love! He loves us infinitely!"
posted at 12:36:23 on October 24, 2013 by beclean
Hang in there    
"After reading your post I thought about how much Satan tries to get us alone, to make us believe that we are the only ones experiencing what we have and that we should be ashamed and out of reach from the Savior. I am working through things myself, only 10 days of sobriety with a lot of stress working to pull me off the Straight and Narrow, what keeps me going is the hope that things can get better. about 13 years ago when things got bad for me I got sucked into pornograhy and it has been a nightmare ever since. Thanks to God I have begun working my way back and I am trying to stay where I need to be. It is hard, no doubt about it, and right now I am telling myself that it will be worth it, the only thing I have is hope because things are rough at my house between my wife and I. I am hoping that God will be good in helping me stay sober. Don't let yourself feel alone . . . in my experience that is when the Evil one is working his hardest, to try and pick us off one by one. Thought we've not met you are certainly in my prayers!!"
posted at 19:40:14 on November 11, 2013 by sjanderson

Add a Comment:

***Anonymous User***     (login above to post UN-anonymously)

"I will speak briefly of the principle of repentance. How grateful I am for the understanding we have of this great principle. It is not a harsh principle, as I thought when I was a boy. It is kind and merciful. The Hebrew root of the word means, simply, "to turn," or to return, to God. Jehovah pled with the children of Israel: "Return . . . and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful . . . and I will not keep anger for ever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God." When we acknowledge our sins, confess them and forsake them, and turn to God, He will forgive us."

— Richard G. Hinckley

General Conference April 2006