An update and a question.
By seeker
8/21/2013 12:32:39 AM
So I have been doing alright with everything lately. I'm more in control of my surroundings and what I have been doing lately. I'm actually 14 days down with a lifetime to go and I feel great. I still haven't really gotten back into church, but I know that I am trying and taking it one step at a time.

With everything going great I think I might have lowered my defense a little and now I am finding myself struggling. I just started a new job and I deal with people who are registered sex offenders. I didn't know that was what I would be doing and a friend got me this job and since I have been looking for one for so long I took the first one given me. But now I don't know if I can do my job. I mean we sit in class and talk about really detailed things and I just find myself being torn in different directions.

I want the job to provide for my family, but I think that it will ruin me in the process. I feel like quitting before really starting is something everyone will look down on and I have pressure to care for my parents and pick up the slack. I feel like any progress I make (no matter how little) will be thrown out the window.

I also find myself doing the whole 'what if I didn't do this?' or 'what if I didn't do that?' I feel regrets creeping into my mind and stress. I've been having attacks of not being able to breathe from being so torn and not knowing what to do or blaming myself for things that are far done and over with.

I feel like my progress is great, but that I am about to fall off the tight rope and into a cage of despair. These attacks of not breathing or hyperventilating are coming more often and the temptation to just do what I did before is literally on my mind all the time. So I was asking for a little help, since I honestly don't know what to do here. Quitting is an option, but that brings the disappointment and I don't know if I can disappoint my parents again. Staying brings the mental pain and frustration, but the happiness from my parents. So what do I do? Do I stay and make my parents happy or do I leave and help myself? Also what is with these attacks? Is it something I should be worried about? Or will it go away when the stress dies down? Any help would be great...


Do your parents know...    
"about your struggles?"
posted at 19:33:35 on August 21, 2013 by BeClean
"I couldnt log in for some reason, but no my parents dont know. Well they dont know the full story. I hop a lot from different addictions and they know of maybe one or two. My family doesnt deal well with these things...its all about being tough and sticking it out and not bringing shame to your family or your parents. I think I've done enough to shame them already and telling them would just kill them. Yet, the tough person act is killing I'm stuck between the two. SEEKER"
posted at 02:34:19 on August 22, 2013 by Anonymous
No advice is good advice    
"Sometimes Heavenly Father puts us in places so we can face our weaknesses head on. Maybe you are in that place so you can face the pain your past. Maybe you are in this place so you can face the hidden truths with your parents. Maybe neither, who knows.

The fruits of the Spirit are peaceful. When you talking about debilitating stress I can tell you right there that you aren't where you need to be. But like you pointed out that could be from either one or both of your dilemmas.

The only answer is to pray and do what God tells you to regardless of the consequences. None of us can receive revelation for you and so it is between you and God to figure this one out, which I know is probably frustrating to hear because you posted here to get advice, and know I am telling you that we can't give you that. Ugg....sorry.

You know, it sounds like to me that you are carrying a lot of burdens. Maybe even one of those people who like to collect are carrying your burdens. You are carrying your parents burdens. Working with troubled people, you are hinting that you are starting to carry theirs now too. The thought occurs to me that we are supposed to lay all our burdens at the feet of our Savior. Ours. Others. Everyone and everything. Lay down our burdens and pick up His cross....that was the deal.

I personally think your parents wouldn't freak on you for leaving a job that is unhealthy for you. That is my .02. They wouldn't be happy if you found a job in a bar. This is possibly no different for you. I also think that hiding the truth from them isn't helping them or you. You think it is, but it isn't. Are they members of the Church? Do they have any foundation for being able to cope with the truth?

Honestly, quitting doesn't mean you have to tell them why. Something I am working on in my life is saying "No." without offering an explanation that goes on and on. Most times "No." is sufficient. Sometimes "No, because that wouldn't be a good choice for me." is appropriate, but normally no other explanation is needed. It takes a certain level of confidence to do what it is right for you and know that other people will judge you for it without wanting to jump in a defend every decision and try and get them on your side.

As far as your panic attacks. Ya, I have no idea. When the stress dies down? Maybe. But what if it doesn't? Here is a website that has a introductory video on anxiety. Maybe it is a start for helping you? Honestly, I don't think it will just 'go away' unless you face it's causes and remove those. Hoping for bad things to go away doesn't seem like a very successful plan. />
I hope something here helps. Hugs!"
"Thanks for the response. Maddy is among the wisest on this site. I have nothing more to add to her comments. Read them over a few times prayerfully."
posted at 21:04:20 on August 22, 2013 by BeClean

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"In recent years, as I have sung the hymns of the Atonement, it has been with an especially full heart—and also with full voice, when I can continue to sing—lines such as “How great thou art,” “I scarce can take it in,” “To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,” “I stand all amazed,” and “Oh, it is wonderful!”"

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987