By hopeful1
8/8/2013 4:50:32 PM
I struggle with criticism in my mind. Apparently, the psychologist says that this means I'm critical of myself. It makes me an unhappy person. I want to stop. However, it's like a knee jerk reaction.

I found this quote by Brene Brown:
We judge people in areas where we're vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we're doing.

If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's choices.

If I feel good about my body, I don't go around making fun of other people's weight or appearance.

We're hard on each other because we're using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived shaming deficiency.

It's hurtful and ineffective."

Does anyone have any tools or suggestions on how to stop?
I want to live with love and gratitude.


in addition    
"I should also add that I believe I've lived my life "shut down" in fear of being criticized. I've avoided so many things in life to avoid getting hurt and in the process have avoided so many blessings and happy life experiences.

I see the politicians are comfortable with criticism. How do I get to be like that?"
posted at 16:52:13 on August 8, 2013 by hopeful1
a weakness of mine    
"this is a weakness of mine as well..... i wish i could say i've made a ton of progress in this but i really haven't. i'm still really early on in this process, but 2 things that have helped me are 1) don't freak out about it (I have a tendency to freak out about my problems and obsess over them, making them even worse). 2) when faced with a critical moment, have a 'reality check' and honestly assess the comparison with questions like, why am i making this comparison? is this comparison valid? does it even matter? what weakness in myself does this stem from? ... but like i said, i still am working a lot on this."
posted at 21:02:54 on August 8, 2013 by recovery.gdo
I haven't been through it all yet...    
"But I think that Tony Litster's program covers exactly the topic you have written about. After several videos from, he gives you a link to several more mp3s that deal with just living a better life, and I know that he talks through the things your parents were critical about and how that impacts you being critical of yourself and others."
posted at 22:01:27 on August 8, 2013 by BeClean
I can't believe it took me 62 years to get to this point    
"but I wrote this just 6 weeks ago, and I think it might help you. It's a journal entry that I made in my online account, and it's my Personal Emancipation Proclamation (PEP?):

"I have realized that the key to overcoming my addiction and the key to recovery for many others' addictions is developing a sense of self worth. This is the basis of recovery. If you never feel good about yourself no matter how good you are, or if you rely on others for a sense of self worth, then you will never overcome your addictive behaviors or mindset.

I've always let others determine my importance instead of realizing that I am a valued child of God. I've never asserted myself (until just lately) and I've allowed others to run my life. I am tired of this at age 62 and will begin to reverse this trend right now. In fact, I've already started.

I've never realized that I have worth. I've never felt "good enough". Well, I am good enough and others are just going to have to put up with that or go someplace else -- good riddance. My "goodenough" is good enough, and my best is far better than that.

I never want to espouse mediocrity or anything like unto it, I just want to be certain that when I backbreakingly painstakingly do my best, it's for myself and God, and not to please somebody else, or to make someone else rich, but to make myself rich.

I have allowed myself to be pushed into things, feeling obligated to meet others' needs, etc., yadda, yadda, yadda. I've accepted the criticism -- and praise -- of others, but why should I even care? I shouldn't. Though I'll gladly accept compliments, especially when it makes me money.

OK, well I've turned over a new leaf and I guess I'm dangerous now. Going to take over the world-- with love. -- Peace, brothers and sisters."

I've changed so much for the better since then. So, Hopeful1, I've got a couple of questions for you: 1) Are you a perfectionist (making certain everything is absolutely perfect just to please others)?, and; 2) Do you let others use you (do you always feel obligated to help others to the almost complete abnegation of yourself)?

If you've answered 'yes' to either or both of these questions, please realize your own self worth, pray to the Lord to help you with it, and then write your own personal emancipation proclamation and live by it. Then you won't be criticizing others so much because you won't be criticizing yourself so much. Realize your own self worth in spite of the fact that you have sins, faults, and limitations. Welcome to the club, so does everyone else! So forgive yourself, and you'll find it much easier to forgive others."
posted at 14:06:11 on August 9, 2013 by dog

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"If, through our unrighteous choices, we have lost our footing on that path, we must remember the agency we were given, agency we may choose to exercise again. I speak especially to those overcome by the thick darkness of addiction. If you have fallen into destructive, addictive behaviors, you may feel that you are spiritually in a black hole. As with the real black holes in space, it may seem all but impossible for light to penetrate to where you are. How do you escape? I testify the only way is through the very agency you exercised so valiantly in your premortal life, the agency that the adversary cannot take away without your yielding it to him. "

— Robert D. Hales

General Conference, April 2006