Hey, Please Check in (You know who you are)
By beclean
7/25/2013 1:49:01 AM
Just wanna know how the people are doing.

I'm staying too busy, which is likely to get me into trouble, if I don't get my life in balance. But I'm still going strong.

If you haven't posted anything on the site in a couple months and you see this post, please say hi and let us know how you're doing.

I won't get everyone, but I'm thinking of you all:

They Speak, Ette, G1rlie, Ruggaexpat, Summer, Maddy, Mint, Kick It, AngelMom, SkyTeam, Gondor, ChurchGirl, Anon16, Momof5, Crushed, Hero, Sierra, and others who used to come all the time but haven't been seen for a while. Time to check in, just once, briefly!

Oh, and I've started to mention it a lot, because it's good stuff, but I'm finding Tony Litster over at and to be really helpful. He has more than a solution to pornography—he has a paradigm shift for life—a new way to look at life that will help overcome all kinds of problems, including the root causes for porn addiction.

And he's completely free — does it out of the goodness of his heart! What can you lose to really give him a try?

Anyway, since we all have slightly different approaches for facing our addictions (or the addictions of our loved ones), and since I'm always praying for you guys, I hope some of you will check in.


"I always love hearing from you beclean!! Glad to hear you found a program you like, thanks for sharing it!

I'm doing pretty good. I feel like I've really gotten past the whole denial thing, which was a huge problem in my world. I do still deal with nightmares, but for now i feel like I handle them better. A lot of comments from friends on this site helped me so much! I don't like the dreams or how they make me feel...but not too much I can do to stop them, so for now I'm handling it ok.

I think the husband is doing ok with his demons. But I really don't focus too much on "knowing" he's doing ok.

Not too much to report. Just wanted to say hi!

I too want to see updates from old friends!!"
posted at 12:15:36 on July 30, 2013 by Summer
Hello Friends!    
"I haven't fallen off the map entirely. I still come here and read pretty often, but I don't post as much as I once did.

It's nice to hear that BECLEAN and SUMMER are hanging in there. I think about the people on this site pretty often. It's always sad when people just disappear without a trace.

Personally, i am not doing so well with recovery. During my last year of college, I was having sex regularly with my girlfriend, and I hid from recovery and the church. Then I moved home after graduating from college in April, and I have not acted out with anybody since that time, but I have been acting out by myself almost every day.

The last time I acted out was on Saturday, so I am just finishing up my third day of sobriety. As hard as it is to admit, this is the longest stretch of sobriety I have had this year.

On the bright side, I have cut off all communication with the girlfriend I was having sex with, and I have become active in the church again. I told my bishop everything, and he basically told me to just keep coming to church. He also mentioned that I should not take the sacrament, give a blessing, or expect to hold a calling or go to the temple anytime soon. I understand his reasoning and agree wholeheartedly.

The goal I give myself now is to start going to group again. I know there is an SA group I could attend this Saturday, and I plan to be there."
posted at 22:10:09 on July 30, 2013 by ETTE
Doing pretty good    
"Not doing too badly. Haven't had a mess up with media since April, and am doing better with the mb. I actually recently got married, though not in the temple. We are planning for next year to be sealed and we are both working towards that goal. G has been a really good support and I have really appreciated his willingness to work with me. He has made a big difference in my recovery because he cares and because he has taught me that it isn't just about sex..
We got married this summer because we both felt it was right. We got engaged before we planned because it felt right. We have our struggles but overall it has been a good thing.I feel like it was for the right reasons we got married and it has really helped me to see where sexual relations have their place. We had had issues before we got married and we both agreed how different it was and how glad we were that we had saved some things."
posted at 22:19:39 on August 8, 2013 by anon16
Doing Well    
"I know the last time I posted I spoke about hubby's slip. I posted as the shock was hitting. I am happy to say that I did "get a grip" much sooner than I use to and that my husband's slip was just that, and he is back on the wagon again and doing well.

I asked my husband if he understood what happened ( because as you know slips and relapses happen so fast). Without going into long detail, the one thing that stuck out to me was that he looked at me with tear filled eyes and said, " I was too prideful to make a call to my sponsor". I was proud of him for jumping back in the game and for reaching out to a sponsor . He sponsors many men. One of those men came over for a visit about 6 weeks ago and went out of his way to take me aside and tell me that his live is forever changed because of my husband. I am grateful that he never gives up. In the past month I have learned of 3 dear friends (couples) who we have known over 20 years, are at the beginning of this process. I mourn with them and their wives as they begin to travel down a very trying road....One that I (we) know all too well.

Two of my children are still struggling, but I pray for them daily as I let go and give them to an all loving Father in Heaven who knows what he is doing.

I am noticing that I am blessed with more understanding regarding addiction. Obviously, the Lord has given me plenty of opportunities to practice this. I have a long way to go, but I have also traveled a long distance already which allows me to stand ready to anyone the Lord sends a wife or mother my way.

Thanks BECLEAN for checking up on us. It is so great to know that you are doing so well. I have to agree with your recommendation of Tony Lister. he's a good man with an amazing message.

It is great to see that our little Anon16 is all grown up and married now! Congradulations, I am truly happy for you!

ETTE, so great to see you here too. You are one that never gives up!!! What a great example you are.

Summer, so great to hear from you as well. I am with you on the not focusing on your hubby's addiction. I am learning that it really has nothing too do with me.

What I am seeing with my husband is that he has become a much more humble man. He is more about helping others, loving them, and almost zero preaching. Even in his slip, the way he moves forward is a blessing to many. Those he serves can see that here is this man who sometimes slips up, but he admits that he knows that he needs his Savior, and others to stay clean. I believe that it is his humility that brings others to want to keep moving forward.

I stand here today counting blessings for things I once took for granted. I am in Awe that My Jesus loves me more than I can comprehend. He is my light and when I keep my gaze upon his selfless gift and his perfect grace, I know that I can do hard things!

I pray for the brothers and sisters on this site, especially Derrick who has with great sacrifice kept it up and running for many years. Please remember to donate anything to him during a time when finances are tight. No amount is too small.

I truly feel a great connection to everyone here as we are all crossing this desert together.

Thank you for being a blessing in my life!
posted at 00:16:02 on August 9, 2013 by angelmom
Hey dudes.    
"I'm still around. Dropped out of school again. Not sure if/when I'll go back. So, been busy with a new job in a new state. Working 14-16 hours of the day 6 to 7 days a week. As you can imagine that's been good for sobriety (at times) bad for recovery. Not much time to mess up. Not much time for self care or to make "the connection" or go to meetings...or anything really. Some days are up some are down.

Spiritually, as I've mentioned or alluded to here and there over the past couple years, I've been researching certain angles of approaching my relationship with God and myself a little more thoroughly. Namely meditation and non-attatchment. I'm particularly intrigued by the 4 noble truths of Buddhism, the eight fold path, and the principles of non-attatchment as taught in the Bhagavad Gita. And how the practice of meditation incorporates these teachings for Self and God discovery.

Through my own experience these things ring true to my soul and seem to call to me. I believe the truths distilled in these religions narrow the focus and level the playing field for the whole human family. When I see the cause of suffering, the craving and aversions, with in myself and the path out of it (which I'm finding as best I can tell is similar in our/all religion) it no longer matters who I am or what ails me. It's not about this sin or that sin. Gay, straight, black, white, bond, free, rich, poor, sane, insane, addict, non-addict, child molester, murder, thief, religious nut, we are all members of a similar human condition. The key for me is to recognize, as the Book of Mormon seems to repeatedly remind me, that nothing is permanent. "It came to pass". As I have eyes to see this ephemeral world/experience for what it is attachment and clinging to it and anything in it washes away and with it the accompanying suffering, anxiety, and dissatisfaction. That, as I see it, is part of overcoming the world. It can't be done in the ignorance of the natural man. A Higher Power seems essential.

This is what I surrender and surrender to (when I'm practicing in good faith of course :) ). For me it's not just about addiction. Again it's not about anyone particular sin. It's about life. My nature. What do I cling to? What are my idols? Am I learning to surrender my whole self? I think that's consistent with recovery literature. The fruits born in my life so far by the practice these teachings suggest to me that they are light and they are good. Where my journey will end or what discoveries I will make along the way I don't know but in my more faithful moments I suppose in my heart that I am guided.

I still love the stories of Jesus. I love the meek and restful Spirit that accompanies the contemplation of His life, His mission, and His radical personality. When I consider it at times, even as I write, it seems my whole being is consumed by a yearning to be in His company. To be His friend... I suppose I still maintain that He is the true Light that lighteth every man that cometh into the world. He is the Light in me.

As far as the church goes a few weeks ago my aunt asked me where I'm at with it all and with everything mentioned above in mind I replied with some sparkle and melancholy "I suppose I've wondered off on strange roads and am lost (Nephi 8:32, Luke 15:4)" I don't know if she understood. Frankly I don't know if I understand, lol.

Thanks for letting me work out my thoughts aloud. Hope at least a little made sense."
posted at 00:39:49 on August 13, 2013 by they_speak
Here, G1RLIE    
"Let us know what's up..."
posted at 17:35:40 on August 25, 2013 by beclean
"Was just thinkin about you today Girlie and was gonna post the same thing. What's up? You run off with the devil? It's cool ya know. I mean, not cool. But no one here's gonna judge you. Just like Sierra (who I barely knew). Damn her for not checking in. Like we give a shit if who's doing what. We just wanna love. Ya know? It's all about this *slaps heart*. Anyway, I'm in a weird mood sorry. Just hope you're alive and well. I've been away for the last 4 months for work so don't know if you're still hittin up meetings. Hopefully. Speaking of, I need to call Joe back. Maybe we both should call Joe. That man's a saint."
posted at 20:18:56 on August 25, 2013 by they_speak
"Hey, Everyone. :). Thanks for checking up on me. I am doing okay. God makes a way where there is no way. That way for me has been going to meetings, getting a sponsor, contacting people, and working the steps. This is how I have been able to let God into my life to dispel the darkness. The other day I suggested to my husband that I quit attending meetings, though, and he looked scared. He said, "Uh, maybe you should listen to the voice of experience and do what has worked for all those other people." So, I keep going to the meetings.

@Speak--Yes, Joe is a saint. That would be good if you called him. :)

posted at 05:06:12 on August 26, 2013 by Anonymous
"Hi all! Thanks for calling us out Clean.

I'm here. Life sucks. Trying to let go, be happy, do good and all that jazz.

That about sums it up!"
posted at 09:38:19 on August 26, 2013 by maddy
Minty fresh    
"Hey BeClean. I am oook. Not any better, probably worse but certainly not depressed. Life is good I'm just undisciplined and can't get my crap straight. But I know what I must do, its just a matter of it being done.

Anyway I've discovered that I hate blogs. Reddit and this type of stuff. I have so many thoughts and ideas that I think are important and might make a difference but I've also discovered that, Nobody cares. I mean people here might like me, other not much, but nobody cares what I think. And so I came to the conclusion that I should just avoid all blogs. I learned a lot from this site, regret some things from this site, but I don't think its good for me. Hopefully it doesn't go bankrupt because there so many sad stories here. That's my favorite part really. Sad stories..

So I'll checkin in a month or so but I can't be active. Thanks for all your help guys. Good luck BeClean, if you leave I think this site has no reasons for donations. And you too Speak, but try to communicate with us mortals. Sometimes I can't see through your brain.

posted at 00:56:41 on August 29, 2013 by mint
"Thanks brah. You will be missed. I'll try to tame the chaos and my ADD when I communicate. Aussie said the other day something to effect that half the time she doesn't know what I'm talking about or who I'm talking to. I thought "I used to feel that way about Isaiah and John the revelator...I'll take that as a compliment". *Chuckle*

Peace out little brother."
posted at 21:46:06 on August 29, 2013 by they_speak

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"Brothers and sisters, stay on the straight and narrow path. No, stay in the middle of the straight and narrow path. Don't drift; don't wander; don't dabble; be careful. Remember, do not flirt with evil. Stay out of the devil's territory. Do not give Satan any home-field advantage. Living the commandments will bring you the happiness that too many look for in other places. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006