Double-Minded Demon
By Deimos
6/28/2013 4:32:45 PM
I was supposed to wake up this morning. I was going to blog here. Yesterday was ok. But that demon was hungry again. I put my trust in the arm of flesh instead of God.

My bishop said I was worthy but I was double-minded. I confessed my sins and I thought I was ready to change. I had 1 day. But that demon was hungry again.

If I was not such a coward. I'm glad that I'm afraid. The spirit will not always strive with men but then I pray, I'm always barking, I can't understand, I'm not honest with myself. Its always wrong.

Pessimistically honest, in my moment of sin, I'll try to exchange my hell for your pain. Pain is what I feel right now, but I never wanted to hurt anybody else. If I was honest at the moment of sin I would be selfish like I am right now, but when we talk about it later I'll hid myself in disbelief. I can't believe I did that, I'm such an idiot, why did I do that. I'll whimper to myself in agony. I should be punished, I'll punish myself again indeed.

I'll search for a support group this Sunday.

I've imagined Deimos to be a dog, 2 wolves. The good one and the bad one. />


The Natural Man vs The Spirtual Man    
"You are over complicating this Deimos. That's a fair name. Why are you beating yourself up so much? If you had a puppy that was sad would you beat it up? Look at my link at the bottom. If humans love their dogs that much, how much more do you think God loves us! God loves you.

It looks like you like to express yourself a bit… The world is not that bad. There is always a good side to the story. I don’t think you are as confused as you act. Here is a song lyrics for you try to google it. “A new dawn, A new day, They’re there for you, A new dawn, A new light, The world is there for you, A new dawn, A new rainbow, The world is full of mysteries, I will watch you from afar as you pick a path to walk. Please, live a good life.” (Ame and Yuki)

Don’t be so sad. God is graceful. I got delayed going on my mission, I made a mistake. I know God is going to help me, I have X amount of days before I report to the MTC. I look forward to it; I will repent if I make a mistake. We are here to progress. You don't learn how to play the piano in 1 day, if you keep hitting the wrong note, play a different song. But don't say 'death to pianos'…

You can be happy, choose to be happy. When we turn our will to God we commit to fallow God’s commandments to the best of our ability. When my younger brother made a mistake he immediately took his computer outside and shot it with a bow and arrow. I'm not kidding! He did not beat himself up; we don't get mad at ourselves for trying to be good. God deals with imperfect people every day.

Don’t play the devil’s game. We all have the Natural man and the spiritual man. Don't give that demon a chance to eat. Put yourself in a place where only the good dog gets food. Play the Mormon channel, play the audio scriptures in the background, the devil can't take it. Set it up as an alarm in the morning, that's what I do; fallow the missionary schedule in the morning. Do what you can, let God take the rest.

You can do this Deimos

The church is getting better with the 12 steps online, check this out. />
here is that link on the bottom"
posted at 17:45:18 on June 29, 2013 by Gondor44646
"I like to beat myself up. I feel better when I am done. I don't think you understand Gondor, how much of this pain we can control. I feel like that man in the matrix that did not want to take the red pill but did anyway. I constantly fight the feeling that I am going to Hell. I feel there is little I can do to stop it. Always confessing but never finding peace.

My brother got mad at me. I didn't know I was hurting him too. I am hurting other people, I didn't know I was hurting other people. Sin will always hurt other people even if it is secret and selfish like this.

There is a group this Thursday, I will probably act completely different, like a Pharisee.

I feel a little better today. I thank you Gondor. I believe that I believe. My brother tells me to lie to myself in the mirror, and tell myself that I am a son of God. Words are powerful even if you can no more than hope to believe. I have my will today. I am happy when I can look forward to something in the day. I am happy today.

Whenever I've failed myself that demon kept me alive. We can not control everything in this life. I am a very controlling person. I feel like Gollum from lord of the rings. ha ah, no that's silly. I'm done typing for now. />

its the demon talkin    
"seriously u need to see the demon for what it really is...have it rebuked (cast out) ...get ur feet on the ground....KICKIT is spot on about some things
you'll feel like yourself again...
after that then therapy, recovery, healing....but you have to take the step....
your words are from a demon.......get that blessing......if not then someone HERE who has the priesthood needs to do a long distance casting out...."
posted at 22:34:21 on July 5, 2013 by skyteamst90

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"As Latter-day Saints, we need not look like the world. We need not entertain like the world. Our personal habits should be different. Our recreation should be different. Our concern for family will be different. As we establish this distinctiveness firmly in our life’s pattern, the blessings of heaven await to assist us."

— Robert D. Hales

"Gifts of the Spirit" Ensign, Feb. 2002