By angelheart
5/19/2007 7:13:15 PM
Step 8 - Action Step — Seek the gift of charity; pray for others
At meeting thursday night we talked about step 8. I got to thinking alot about forgiveness.
My husband and I have had so many hardships over the last 2 years. Our then 16 year old daughter ran away from home, and we found her in texas. It took us 2 months, and the National center for missing and exploited children to get her back. Because she ended up stealing from us, she ended up locked up for 45 days. The day she got off probation, she went back to texas.
That was about 5 months ago. She has decided she is gay. We have struggled with our beleifs, and trying so hard to accept her without condoning her lifestyle.
Shortly after she went to Texas the second time, My husband revealed to me that he had an addiction to Pornography.
I have had no one to turn to. So I turned to my Heavenly Father. I love my husband desparately, and I know that he can get through this. We have been reading the scriptures, and saying our prayers both personally and together, and I know that we will make it.
My husband is my Hero. I know that he can kick this. I pray to God every day. I keep asking God to stay in his heart.
Being a recovering co-dependant, I finally came to terms with the fact that I cannot control this. I can only control my faith in Heavenly Father. The rest is uyp to my Husband and God.
I have been very enlightened this week. I know that I am not perfect. I have made so many mistakes in my past. How can I expect Heavenly Father and others to forgive me, if I cannot forgive.
I have been holding on to so many grudges. I realized that it has been eating me up inside. I decided to give the action steps a try. I always pray for my husband, that is the easy part. But this week I have started praying for the people I have been holding grudges against. I don't know how this will all turn out, I only know that I cant continue to use up so much energy on grudges and hate.


Alot on your plate too...    
"You sure are dealing with alot, with your husband, and daughter. As for your daughter, she is confused, and just wants to have fun, but like all addictions, they start out small, then grow big. I hope she can realize that, that life style will bring her no lasting happiness, no comfort, no peace, in the end nothing. It seems so much in this world is so anti-family, and that its okay to be gay, and porn, is so anti family also. It seems so many people don't want the emotional connection to sex and family, and that for some reason that is just too much to bear, too much to own, too much to ask....why? Why are people so afraid to be hurt? Because from hurt you grow...and are strengthen. People want a substitue, but there is none. They want the easy route. There is none. No express lane, no fast food meal...

Stay close to your husband. Tell him how much you love him, and how he is a great man. How you need him. and that you want to help. Ask him 'How many days has it been?' Ask him if you can hold his hand. Ask him if you can sing to him. Maybe you have already done these things. This is what I needed. I needed affection, and my x wife gave none. I needed her to care, and she did not. She was always like, its your problem and not mine. I think if she would have done the above things, maybe stuff would have been different with me.

The addiction for me was just feeding the need to be close to someone, and wanting to be loved. As i realize this now, I can work with my addiciton better now. Now I know what i want. And the lord will provide someone or something when I am ready. Now i just wait, just like the army, so being there help me prepare to learn how to wait (hurry up and wait) lol.

Maybe also take some time, to take a walk and talk about some else, other then marriage problems, bills, kids, work and all the negative crap about life. Maybe talk about fav childhood memories, your dreams, good cooking, you know, whatever...

Well you know him best, or better than I, so feel it out, and try something new or different. You can do it. If he is committed to you...and you only, you all can make it.

Gruges, that is a hard one. You're doing the right thing. Praying. Keep doing that. Also try to see them as God sees em. Tell yourself you love them, even tho they irritate It is indeed hard to pray for those type of folks."
posted at 07:30:23 on May 20, 2007 by skyteamst90
The struggle of same gender attraction.    
"Angelheart wrote: "She has decided she is gay. We have struggled with our beliefs, and trying so hard to accept her without condoning her lifestyle."

I hope this doesn't appear as an attack on your daughter.

Please don't let this change your beliefs in what the Church teaches. The world is wrong. I so often hear, "I was born this way." I simply don't buy it. Author Patrick Carnes (not a member of the church as far as I know) a pioneer in sexual addiction categorizes homosexuality as sexual addiction. He even describes how it occurs based on his extensive research. Young boys have a sexual encounter with a man and it leaves them confused. They eventually come to the decision that this is the way they are. As I remember Mr. Carnes didn't even give the "born that way" theory the time of day. He basically stated this is how it is. I have since asked or had the information volunteered by three of my friends who deal with same gender attraction (sga) and they have all backed up what I read. After a brief test in the shallow waters leading that way I discovered that I am definitely heterosexual, but it allowed me to see how easily one can be lead one step at a time, farther and farther from the truth, until we are at a point we never would have dreamed about getting to. Satan is so subtle. I have other friends, including a room mate and a foster brother that have gone gay. Both of those I knew before they had made the transition. It is interesting to see their change in attitude over time as they make the change. If they were always that way, why would their thinking be different afterwards? I moved in after my room mate had kicked out the former one because he was gay. About a year later he was heading that direction. At the end of his first gay date he couldn't stand the thought of kissing the other guy. I would think that would cause warning bells to go off! It is similar to conditioning yourself to like cigarettes.

Patrick Carnes didn't really talk about women with sga in the book I read, but I tend to blame that on men too. My wife has had a few gay friends, and they all had very negative experiences with men. I feel sorry for your daughter and where she is at. It can seem like the truth when you are on the inside.

Please don't let the insanity of addiction suck you in. I've heard my wife and other's talk about having to keep in mind that sometimes it isn't their husband talking it is the addiction. Addiction really does bring on lunacy. It is too easy to just say, "This is the way I am." "This is the way I have always been." "You just need to accept it." If the addict take this point of view then they don't have to change.

My friends in the recovery program with sga admit that it is just another form of addiction. Just another "drug of choice" if you will. Anyone with sexual addiction could so easily make a different turn and end up in a different place. Anyone who says otherwise is fooling themselves. Probe your uglier thoughts. We addicts should just be thankful if we stopped earlier.

Even those of us who don't deal with sga often take the same stance that we were born this way. My mother once put it that "people in our family are over sexed". My earliest misconduct was around six years old. I wasn't even accountable yet. I must have been born that way. I used to always think of myself, not as a spiritual, or physical being, but a sexual being. That is the way I thought. My ex-brother-in-law (a fellow porn addict) still believes that is just the way he is. He even changed his religious beliefs to fit his addiction. He started to pray to the "goddess" because she is more empathetic and accepting of him just as he is. Now he doesn't have any reason why he should change.

My family has a few of us who have strayed at one time or another. It is amazing who will come back as long as we still love them and try to maintain good relations. Sometimes it seems to be best to avoid the topics that bring up conflict and focus on the areas that allow us to enjoy each other. Regardless of sexual orientation people are still people. They still have hopes, dreams and interests outside of that. I know it can be tough because you don't want to give the impression that her lifestyle is just fine and there isn't anything wrong with it, particularly if you have younger children. I pray the Lord to guide you as you try to navigate your troubled waters. He is the only one who knows just the right thing to say or do, and what will be disastrous. Trust Him. It may also take quite some time. I have siblings who spent decades away from church and parents. They are back now. :) Not perfect yet, but we all have things to work on."
posted at 13:41:48 on May 22, 2007 by justjohn
"I appreciate the support. I know that my beleifs are not always popular. but they are my beleifs. I know that God didin't make mistakes. I know that my daughter is meant to be a mother in zion. I pray everyday that her heart will be touched, and she will see the beautiful spirit that she holds inside."
posted at 16:19:29 on June 10, 2007 by angelheart

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"You lived with your Heavenly Father in a premortal life. You were there with Him. Your spirit knows what it is like to live in celestial realms. You can never be truly happy in an uncelestial environment. You know too much. That is one of the reasons that for you, wickedness never can be happiness. What a great thing it is to decide once and for all early in life what you will do and what you will not do with regards to honesty, modesty, chastity, the Word of Wisdom, and temple marriage. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006