By andrewb
6/2/2013 10:06:52 PM
Ok I have a somewhat odd situation. The bishop that I spilled my sins to had to move to a new state and consequently we got a new bishop today. The problem is, it's my dad. The stake president said I could talk to him about anything because it might not be comfortable with my dad as the bishop which I am SO thankful for. However, my dad just got off the phone with the previous bishop, talking about members and their needs. I need to know if the old bishop is allowed to tell my dad about sins spoken to him. The absolute last thing in this world I would want is for my parent to find out. Thanks in advance!


I dont think it's a little thing..    
"I feel your anxiety. My father was bishop and this complicates a lot of things so I think I understand a little what you are going through. I wish it was as easy as separating father from bishop but I think for most people, there are family of origin issues that can complicate things.

My suggestion is.. Try your best to not worry what your old bishop said. He either did or he didn't -- it's completely out of your control. If he did, your bishop will probably call you in to discuss. IF you really want to know, call your old bishop up and ask. When my bishop changed, I was told that the bishops don't discuss exact nature of sins so the new bishop can make his own conclusions.

If your stake president says work with him, and you feel comfortable with that, do that. Worse thing is to fall back and try to fix it on your own again.. we all know that doesn't work well.

I do think the gist of what KickIt said is correct.. your father will respect you..But that could take some time to work on to get the shame under control. In some ways, we all face the same thing when we die and have to face father with our bag of sins.. :-) I think the scriptures that say the unrighteous will hope the rocks will fall on them is accurate..

Good luck.. Make the best choices that you can. You can do it!"
posted at 07:53:38 on June 3, 2013 by Anonymous
Probably not    
"From what I know I don't think that bishops go into who had drinking problems, sex addictions, marital issues, etc. I would think the topics of their conversations were more along the lines of who they were trying to re-activate, who needed financial help, people who did well/not well in callings, etc. And even if they did talk about a few sin-based issues, the previous bishop I'm sure was aware of your anxiety about your parents knowing and wouldn't break confidence and tell them. I would assume your dad still doesn't know.

That being said, work with your stake president very closely. Meet with him often. Maybe you're not ready to tell your parents about this, but as you continue to recover you will probably find it is a very important step. Part of recovering for me was me no longer being afraid of people finding out about things I've done. No longer feeling like I had to keep the facade up that I am a happy, perfect mormon without issues. Letting go of that pride and pressure was one of the best things for me, because it helped me accept my problem and be willing to do something about it. Before that, the pressure and anxiety of living a double life only pushed me further into addiction.

Just my thoughts and experience. I've read most of your posts since you joined this website and really hope you can keep moving forward step by step. Good luck to you and let me know if you ever have any more specific questions!"
posted at 09:41:37 on June 3, 2013 by recovery.gdo
"Thanks for the reassuring thoughts, Recovery... They really encouraged me."
posted at 10:56:20 on June 4, 2013 by andrewb

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"By emulating the Master, who endured temptations but “gave no heed unto them,” we, too, can live in a world filled with temptations “such as [are] common to man”. Of course Jesus noticed the tremendous temptations that came to him, but He did not process and reprocess them. Instead, He rejected them promptly. If we entertain temptations, soon they begin entertaining us! Turning these unwanted lodgers away at the doorstep of the mind is one way of giving “no heed.” Besides, these would-be lodgers are actually barbarians who, if admitted, can be evicted only with great trauma."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987