By SeekingHelp
5/23/2013 3:35:22 AM
I messed up tonight.....Shoulda been in bed hours ago.....Been really stressed out and I fell back into old habits for the release....Will I ever get better? :'(


Slipping Up    
"I am sorry to hear that. In the past I have turned to addictive behavior when I am stressed out. You have every right to have a release for just need to plan ahead when you are susceptible to weakness and find something more constructive to do."
posted at 07:53:24 on May 23, 2013 by rmatt
Build up    
"That is unfortunate - I think that's the essence of addiction for me, is that after so many negative thoughts/feelings that build up I need somehow to deal with them. And because I don't know any other way to deal with them, my brain defaults to porn.

One thing that has helped me has been recognizing daily what negative thoughts and feelings I had (boredom, anger, anxiety, stress, depression, self-pity, etc). As I have those thoughts during the day, I think about why I am having them, and then I surrender those feelings to God and ask for His peace.

Negative feelings build up over time. Recognizing and approaching them early and often has been key for me. Good luck on rebounding - there's hope for all of us because of God and His Son."
posted at 09:30:09 on May 23, 2013 by recovery.gdo
just keep moving up    
"I just have to say, that with many years now behind me, of an addiction overcome, that it is a long and difficult process, but one that actually culminates in you overcoming! There were significant stages along the way, stages where I felt i really messed up, and stages where I felt I had figured it all out, but each was just the next step.
I can't say how much I have learned in the years since, or the growth that I have had. It has been immense. And had I not had to overcome an addiction, I doubt I would have grown this much. Just dont give up! The fact that you are here is huge in itself! Just keep going!
It is amazing how the Lord changes you when you ask him to. It takes time, and there are many reasons for that. But what was once my downfall is only a memory now. What has appeal always has appeal, but the power over you is gone. REALLY!
Some of the more difficult addictions are those that deal with things that ARE good by design, and the addiction is only the misuse of such. It may be easier for some addicts to avoid harmful things if they are replaced, but when the addiction is with things that are good in one light and bad in another, it can be either all the more confusing, OR all the more helpful. Helpful in that you have a promise that you WILL enjoy what was meant to be enjoyed, in the appropriate ways and time.
My heart goes out to all of you who are just like me. We can overcome! God gave us a blessing and curse when he gave us the ability to see what is greater than our current capacity to accomplish. This is only a way to grow. do it!"
posted at 14:29:21 on May 23, 2013 by nowell29
Not giving up IS getting better    
"Here's a realization I had tonight:
It's been 100 or so days since my last lapse with P/M. However, I don't think this is something I'll ever stop repenting of. I'm always going to be needing to go the extra mile and serve and stay far away from temptation to show the Lord I really am trying to make up for what I did to my brain.

That said, I feel the Atonement means my constant repentance process -- the neverending one -- doesn't need to keep me from moving forward in life. The most dangerous thing about porn? It keeps you back. It prevents you from eternal progression.

It keeps you from fully giving yourself to your spouse.

It prevents you from fully reaping the blessing of having the Spirit and giving your all to Church service.

It stops you from growing into the Daughter or Son of God you're meant to someday become.

However, the Atonement can help us move past our sin and onto our progression.

The effects of pornography on our brains are never going to be completely reversed, but I believe we can take an alternate route to our goals with the help of the Savior. He can hold back the effects of our sins and mistake as long as we are trying to do all we can at any cost to repent.

Good for you for being honest about your slip up instead of rationalizing. It's okay -- just start again and keep going. Be strong. God bless."
posted at 21:00:48 on May 23, 2013 by johnroberts
Not giving up    
"JOHNROBERTS: That was very insightful. Thank you."
posted at 21:46:54 on May 23, 2013 by stayingclean
Just checked some of your other posts    
"to get the context of what you're saying here.

NEVER GIVE UP! This will be a long and difficult journey for you, but NEVER GIVE UP!

I've overcome one addiction (haven't had a beer in 8 years, not going back), but SS/MB (not porn) I just can't seem to quit.

You need to understand the roots of your problem, and the roots of your problem are: the way you deal with pain, fear, dread, stress, anxiety, emotional voids, moral outrage, etc.

You deal with them by medicating yourself. In your case, as in my case, that medication -- or poison -- is some form of sex. For some it's drugs, or alcohol, or gambling, or shopping, whatever. But all of these behaviors stroke the same pleasure center in our brains, releasing chemicals into our systems that exhilarate us and cause us to forget our problems. This is the root of any addiction. Self medication.

My suggestion is that you begin to ponder what I've just said and the next time you feel temptation, get on your knees and ask the Lord to heal your anxieties, or help you to face your pains with the aid of His strength, instead of medicating yourself with bad things.

Also make a commitment to see your bishop and discuss your situation with him. You need to do this if you haven't done so before. Please do it now. Healing begins with confession. I think that you'll find him understanding, and he'll help you with a plan to get you back on your feet and happy.

Please get or download the LDS 12-Step Manual and start attending LDS 12-Step (addiction recovery) meetings. And work the steps. In Salt Lake City, they have several weekly meetings for female sexual addicts, but there are also general addiction recovery groups (you don't have to say what your addiction is, many don't) and these are mixed gender, but you'll find a lot of support there.

I sense from your background that you might benefit from a professional therapist, but that depends on the therapist. Talk that over with your bishop, too.

You might also want to get a sponsor, someone (of the same gender) who has conquered her sexual addiction and has been clean for several years. This is someone you can call/text in times of urgent temptation. But always get on your knees and ask the Lord to help you to heal your wounds and to face your challenges like a woman instead of running to your addictive behaviors to provide a counterfeit, momentary relief that only worsens you morally.

You are a cherished daughter of God. He knows your struggles and temptations perfectly, every detail of them, and he is mindful of them. He knocks and waits at the door. And healing begins with confession to your bishop, if you haven't done so already.

You need to have the Savior root out your pains and heal your wounds and fill those emotional voids, and to give you an eternal perspective. When you do that with His partnership, you will get past your addictions. I'll be praying for you. God bless you.

And one final note: there will probably be relapses, 1,2, or 200. But NEVER GIVE UP! You will eventually conquer this with the help of our Savior, Jesus Christ."
posted at 14:39:52 on May 25, 2013 by dog
Flat tire    
"Story time: You are on a road trip. You got a flat tire. Ok, that sucks. Do you sit on the side of the road and feel bad..... or fix, put on a spare, SOMETHING and move on?

You slipped. It is what it is. Learn from it. KEEP GOING! Don't let it stop you. Sometimes slips are when we learn the most."
posted at 14:48:57 on May 26, 2013 by maddy
Good Quote    
""The past is the past. I can't change it. But I can learn from it. I need to accept it for what it is and let it go.""
posted at 08:31:41 on May 27, 2013 by Anonymous
"I know that Satan works with our weaknesses and our improper thoughts to try and persuade us to do things in opposition to God's plan for us.

Unfortunately when we heed unto to his temptations of perversions over time we put ourselves in jeopardy of being possessed by unclean spirits.

Not only do you get possessed by an unclean spirit you invite their cronies into your home to cause havoc for the rest of your family.

These unclean spirits then spur on your own weaknesses and improper thoughts with their absolute filth. That is why people who are possessed need more explicit porn and
new/different porn and can't seem to stop not matter the consequences.

You are not only fighting your own weaknesses and conditioning but now you have an unclean spirit and they have compulsive behaviours. If you are sincere and really want to get rid of this addiction you could have the unclean spirit cast out of you by a worthy priesthood holder. This will help you to get rid of the unclean spirits component of the addiction.

Then you can focus on what belongs to you in regards to this weakness. I have left you with some prophetic words that I found in quotes from our very own church Leaders:

Priesthood Power can deliver us from evil, help us escape from our enemies, in the quelling of mobs, stilling angry waves, in healing the sick, in casting out unclean spirits. ( John Taylor, Mediation and Atonement, p.87)

When you go on a mission full of the power of God and full of faith to heal the sick even by touch, rebuking and casting out foul spirits. ( Thomas S. Monson, favourite quotations, p.49)

It was Satan's plan to destroy this agency and force men to do his will. He may appear to us in a person of a friend or relative. He has power to put thoughts into our minds to entice us to satisfy our appetites. (Joseph Fielding Smith, Answers to Gospel Questions, 3:81)

Satan is the instigator of the ruin of those that fall in this life. He seeks to hinder and molest mankind in good efforts by tempting to sin or by imposing sickness or possibly death. ( James E. Talmage, AF 56-57)

The punishment of the devil was that he should not have a habitation like men. The devils retaliation is, he comes into this world, binds up men's bodies, and occupies them himself. When the authorities come along, they eject him from a stolen habitation. (In the Nauvoo Temple, from a discourse on the first chapter of Second Peter, May 21, 1843)

Satan is working under such perfect disguise that many do not recognise either him or his methods. He comes as a thief in the night, he is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Without their knowing it, the people are being urged down paths that lead only to destruction. (The Message of the First Presidency to the Church) IE 1942 Nov:761

Satan has deceived and is deceiving, people who have been and may now be members of the Church, but members in grave danger. He gives them a type of revelation, inducing them to believe that they come from heaven instead of the devil. (Joseph F. Merrill, CR:1941 Apr:49)

There must be circumstances of depression and sin and physical weakness that within the restrictions of divine control, permit evil spirits to enter human bodies. Bruce R. McConkie, The Mortal Messiah, 2:282) TLDP:645"
posted at 19:53:46 on May 27, 2013 by Anonymous

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"In a decaying environment, the mind is the last redoubt of righteousness, and it must be preserved even amid bombardment by evil stimuli. Christ is competent to see us through, “for in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted” As promised, He will make either “a way to escape” or a way “to bear it”."

— Neal A. Maxwell

General Conference May 1987