Strong but slipping...
By RMatt
5/15/2013 10:45:27 AM
Looking for some support. I consider myself addicted to prn though I have not binged in months. Yesterday I started on the road that would lead me to a binge but stopped. Thankfully. Any tips to saying on the straight and narrow?


Are you working with your bishop?    
"Do you have a sponsor (preferably someone who has conquered an addiction and whom you can call at times of temptation)? Do you have the 12-Step Manual? Are you actually working (doing) the steps, in order? Are you attending a support group for porn addicts?

Those measures, plus doing your dailies (fervent prayer at least once every morning and evening) and serious scripture study daily (20-60 minutes of reading and contemplation) are the beginning of the path to recovery.

Also, have you contemplated the roots of your addiction? Support groups and this site are good for getting info on that. You'll find that you're medicating yourself against pains, dread, fear, anxiety, anger (moral outrage), etc., and that the addiction is only one part of the problem. We need to learn to turn our lives over to the Savior and allow Him to handle the problems that we can't. The LDS 12-Step Manual and support group program will help you with this.

Congratulations on going months without a binge. Think of that as progress, because it is. And never beat yourself up with toxic shame if you do slip or relapse. It only makes real recovery that much more difficult. Most of us suffer from low self esteem in the first place, so we don't need to intensify that condition.

God bless you in your recovery efforts. Keep in touch with this group, because we are each others' cheering section : )

--Dan (dog)"
posted at 15:33:04 on May 15, 2013 by dog
I feel so bad    
"I was watching the movie "Game Change" thinking "Who is that?" I found this person's name, and then found out he was an underwear model. I knew where it was leading so i just stopped. I feel so bad.

Thanks for the tips. I need just stay away from pathways that lead to this kind of behavior. Its like I am feeding unwanted desires. So unhealthy and it leaves me depressed afterwards. I have not looked into the 12 step program.

posted at 21:43:36 on May 15, 2013 by rmatt
Excellent! You stopped yourself.    
"I'm not a porn addict (self stimulation is my prob, and pain, fear, anxiety, and moral outrage are my triggers), and I've never had a problem with porn, I just click it off and go to another screen if it comes up on my comp, but I don't go to movies and I don't watch tv anymore.

Oddly enough, just the very act of watching tv for awhile and then turning it off triggers me big time, even if I'm watching fireside talks or something wholesome on a BYU-tv. This is especially true if I'm drowsy. Don't know why, I just know that I don't watch tv now, period, at all. This also forces me to think more, so I choose to think about the Gospel a lot. And that's a good thing : ).

I'm guessing that you're a sister by your comment above, or you're a guy who suffers from same-sex attraction, or you just forgot to put an 's' in the pronoun 'he'. Whatever, you're still a child of God and you're welcome here.

If you are a sister, know that there are many sisters who suffer the same affliction that you suffer. And there are many who have conquered it by following the procedures I mentioned above. It might seem difficult to confess to your bishop, but you must do that first. Please do this immediately. Get an appointment with him this Sunday or sooner, and let him know of your problem. He's there to help you back on the road to recovery. Some sisters have found it easier to hand the bishop a note explaining their problem, or sending an email, but emails are subject to eavesdropping. Whatever works for you. Please do it.

Also, get the 12-Step Manual and start working the steps. If you're not near a Deseret Book or Church Distribution Center, etc., you can download the manual by clicking on the "Recovery Manual" icon in the column to the left, just above the big red "BLOG" button. This manual is great and was written by recovering LDS addicts with the supervision of Church leaders.

If you can get to a support group (women's porn or general addiction group), then do that. It's like a testimony meeting, and it's headed by two missionaries and a facilitator (recovering addict with years of sobriety/purity). After reading the 12 steps and discussing which step they are working on that week, the facilitator will speak about his/her experiences with recovery (these are usually drug/alcohol addicts). They usually speak for 5-15 minutes, then turn the time over for "sharing", after reading some ground rules (nothing graphic, nothing negative, and no "cross talk", i.e., let people speak without interruption and don't start arguments). People usually don't say what their addictions are, just that they have one and how they're working to overcome it.

You don't have to speak, you can just say "pass". But you will find others who have the same temptations as you, and you will be strengthened by their testimonies and their struggles.

I think it's great that you went months without a problem, just keep doing right things. Don't go down that path, and as soon as you see/feel something that's enticing you in that direction, get away from it immediately.

Please speak with your bishop and get the manual, and get to a meeting if there's one available in your area. You are at a crossroads here, and you need all the support you can get.

And, sorry for not saying it earlier, Welcome to this site.
posted at 12:15:13 on May 16, 2013 by dog
Thanks again    
"I am a guy and yes I deal with SSA. I deal with it everyday but I have not gone as far as prn except for when I was a little kid. I dealt with prn before my mission and after my mission. I had it under control for a decade but it has lately re-surfaced in the past year or so. I want to be good and I don't want to look at this stuff. I just need to be vigilant and focused. Dealing with this in the Church is tough because you feel different. I have spoken to my Bishop but he then asked some inane question like: "So you you want to leave your wife?" I was like, where did that come from. Of course I don't, THATS WHY I AM HERE. Anyway, we changed the subject and I doubt it will come up again. But an addiction is an addiction no matter what it is. It sounds as though you have a unique addiction yourself. I guess one day God will tell us why we have to endure what we endure."
posted at 19:46:09 on May 16, 2013 by rmatt
That's the hardest part of faith, IMO    
"believing that everything we go through is for our good. It's so hard to see, sometimes. But I'm getting better at it a bit at a time. I think that's all that's expected of us. Bruce R. McConkie said that as long as we're making baby steps forward, that process will continue throughout the eternities and we will have eternal life (eternal progression). Amen.

I am attracted to the opposing sex, way too much. I'm not just talking about sexual things here, I mean, I let them walk all over me. I'm way too nice to them. Like I told one young lady not two weeks ago, "you can see the footprints of co-eds all over my face." When they wear trail runners is the worst, cause those have really deep treads : )

Anyway, it's a mystery to me why I can easily turn down a really pretty teenage girl (yep, folks, I still have to do that from time to time), but I can't say "No" to myself. Just drives me nuts. It's just like with beer, I can say "no" to all types of alcoholic beverages, and I've tried many, but beer was one of my addictions. But this teaches me that all of us addicts, no matter how far we go, or how many facets of a certain addiction we embrace, are good people with a psychological illness.

It breaks my heart to hear sisters and brothers berating themselves (I think two guys on this site committed suicide out of guilt and desperation) when we should be forgiving ourselves and trying our best. This site used to be more of a cheering section. There has been a lot of divisiveness over the past 6-8 months or so. I wish we could return to the cheering section mode.

As far as my unique addiction is concerned, I use self stimulation as a means of quelling anger or moral outrage, that is, I use it as a means of escape, of evading the agony of the many caused by the arrogance of the few. So a real bad trigger for me is one of those Viet Nam War documentaries, those bright and shining lies that are told so often. A much more frequent trigger is the pain I feel from failed relationships with women (great dating relationships, but when it comes to falling in love and marriage, it's as if there's some dark evil power destroying all possibilities of it). Etc.

Good luck in your struggles, I'll pray for you and for everyone else on this site tonight."
posted at 16:55:14 on May 17, 2013 by dog
"Congrats on recognizing the pattern and realizing you're going the wrong way.

for me, satan tries to get me to go a little further than I went last time until I've relapsed all the way - so what helps me is to one up him and stop things earlier than before. He tries to trick us to thinking we are safe as long as we don't go past a certain point, but in reality there is no "safe" point between safety and addiction. One step becomes unsafe.

I guess what i mean is that you need to treat this as your relapse and move forward from it. Don't wait until a really bad relapse before you decide to get back on track.

Another thing that helps is to talk to people, like you're doing. Talk to your wife, bishop, a friend, a counselor, whoever.

I also go back through the 12 steps when I feel stronger temptations or that I'm starting to lose my footing. I usually find I'm 'relapsing' one of the 12 steps and could improve them.

good luck and keep strong. temptations go away over time - there is a Way out."
posted at 11:46:27 on May 21, 2013 by recovery.gdo
"I was thinking about it today. Normally I would have gone from the male model in the underwear picture to softporn within an hour. I resisted. Now my challenge is to ensure that I don't look up pictures in the first place. It was the first time I went to that stage in months. Thanks for the encouragement."
posted at 13:28:31 on May 21, 2013 by rmatt
"Hi Everyone!

It is me, RMATT. I have not been on for so long (over a year) that I forgot my password. I just wanted to say that things are going well. I have stayed clean and I now have a temple recommend. Peace out everyone!

posted at 12:22:27 on August 29, 2014 by Anonymous
"I love the good news updates. We need to hear success stories and about healing. Way to go! God is good!"
posted at 21:42:45 on August 31, 2014 by Maddy

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