Day One
By Rabbit
5/6/2013 10:29:22 PM
This is my first day clean and sober. Yesterday was my last slip. By last I mean most recent. I've had some long stretches of sobriety, weeks, even months. But they all end in slips.
I'm a pretty good guy in general, I think. I take care of my wife and kids. I'm fairly patient with them. I read to my kids every night. I pay tithing and attend church regularly. I do my job well and help out my coworkers as much as I can.
It feels like this addiction is the an singular thing that Satan has hold over me. It feels like if I could just overcome this I'd be so much further along the path of eternal progression.
So I'm praying tonight. I know I cannot do this by myself. I know it takes faith.
Thanks for your stories and your inspiration and hope.


"Hey rabbit,
Sounds like your commitment is growing ever stronger. Keep it up and let it grow! One thought I had - for years I would tell myself, "If I could just change this ONE thing, then everything else in my life would be just fine!" But as I went through recovery, particularly the 12 step program, I came to find that this wasn't my problem - it was simply a manifestation of deeper problems that needed to be addressed and fixed. I encourage you to dig deep and find the real reasons why you turned to the addiction in the first place, and why/when it continues to tempt you. Then seek to fix those things as to fix the root of the problem - otherwise, the tree will continue to grow back no matter how many times we chop it down.

Good luck!"
posted at 09:28:42 on May 14, 2013 by recovery.gdo
Amen to what recovery.gdo just said    
"and welcome to the site. There's nothing I could add to what was said above, it is very wise and well stated. I suggest that we all follow that counsel.

Maybe RECOVERY.GDO could fill us in on some of the details of that process of discovery, how he dug deeper, what he discovered, and what he did about it to find true recovery?"
posted at 12:27:06 on May 30, 2013 by dog
Digging deeper    
"I'd be happy to expound a little.

As far as the process of discovery - it had to happen 1 step at a time. I tried everything I could possibly think of to get rid of this issue and eventually found myself at the doorway of a recovery meeting because it seemed no matter what I tried I just kept falling.

Working the 12 steps REALLY thoroughly WITH a sponsor who had been through them before was absolutely essential. It helped me recognize lies I'd believed and truths I discounted, particularly in steps 1-3. By being brutally honest with myself about where I was with those steps and honestly seeking to improve them daily, I made the first few steps toward recovery.

The next few came as I dug deeper to find why I turned to addiction in the first place. As I completed a really thorough step 4, I came to see my character weaknesses clearly: anger, competition, anxiety, depression, self-pity, judgmental, selfish, and a few others. I found that these were the roots of my addiction. And then I sought to turn them over to God each day. Those were steps 4-7. I still struggle with these things and it is a daily commitment, sometimes hourly commitment, to keep turning them over to God so he can help me. If I don't turn my weaknesses over to God, I will not turn to Him in a moment of crisis. Simple as that.

Anyway, this is the road I am on and this is the road that has worked for me. After 3 years I'm on step 11 and struggling to really apply it, but know I will get there eventually. I've had a few relapses along the way, but none in over a year... and what is most precious to me is that if I just stay on this road of believing in God, seeking/doing his will, and surrendering my character weaknesses to Him, then I can remain sober through His grace.

That's the gist of it... I still have a way to go, but I at least feel I've walked part of it. And I'm committed to keep walking.

If you want to talk more, feel free to email me at"
posted at 12:08:12 on May 31, 2013 by recovery.gdo
Wow, you sound just like me    
"Reading your post was like listening to the thoughts in my mind, I hear everything your saying, I feel the same way. I often look back the the fork in the road that led to where I am, and I'd do anything to change that decision. But I just have to look at it as the best is yet to come, and the Lord knew I would struggle with this so this just happens to be my cross to bear.

I'm 33 days now and its getting better, honestly the one thing I have had to do is rewire my brain to instead of wanting to mb or look at pn, just channel it into personal development, so I've taken up a couple of different projects to help me focus on other things. And its funny, even within the 30 days, if I have an urge, I find the urge now tied to me thinking about one of those new skills Im trying to develop. Obviously it doesn't cure the urge but it helps me suppress it, and eventually forget about it.

You can do this!!"
posted at 15:17:58 on May 31, 2013 by Homeward

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"I will speak briefly of the principle of repentance. How grateful I am for the understanding we have of this great principle. It is not a harsh principle, as I thought when I was a boy. It is kind and merciful. The Hebrew root of the word means, simply, "to turn," or to return, to God. Jehovah pled with the children of Israel: "Return . . . and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful . . . and I will not keep anger for ever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God." When we acknowledge our sins, confess them and forsake them, and turn to God, He will forgive us."

— Richard G. Hinckley

General Conference April 2006