By hopeful1
4/28/2013 8:53:51 PM
Doctrine and Covenants 98:1 — VERILY I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks;

Doctrine and Covenants 98:2 — Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament--the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.

Doctrine and Covenants 98:3 — Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord.

So I've been reading this book He Restoreth My Soul.  I heard it mentioned in one the last meetings I went to and I felt impressed to look it up.  I've always felt that the many years of addiction has altered my brain in ways similar to a stroke.  In other words, who I am on the inside feels so much different than who I am on the outside.  I often feel impeded by my physical body, sometimes even paralyzed.  I can literally feel pressures and pain and fluid moving about in my head as crazy as it sounds.  Well, the book talks a lot about neurons and neurochemicals and how porn is literally a drug, and the most powerful one there is.  I can't help but wonder if being sexually addicted during my formative years has permanently wired my mind in a abnormal way.  As young as 9 years old and throughout my years, I can think of countless times I was secretive and isolated myself to act out, and struggled with shame and guilt, and withdrew from people, and struggled with depression and loneliness and the cycle continued on and on.  The book says my agency was suspended.  At that young age, how could I have understood the consequences. I had no idea what was going on.  At times I feel like a victim.  And here I am now, struggling socially in all aspects of my life, still struggling with depression and loneliness, still habitually isolating myself.  People avoid me or ignore me and it feels like they look at me as if I'm such a wierdo...and yet there is the real me inside fighting to get out...and so I constantly feel like there is a battle in my own mind.  I used to think about suicide daily, but now it's 1 or 2 fleeting thoughts that I can throw away because I have greater hope and a stronger testimony.  I know that with stroke victims, they can heal and depending on the damage their healing varies from person to person...some take years and some take weeks...some get full recovery and some are permanently disabled.  I'm left to wonder can Christ really heal me?  I've asked Him to many times.  The blind and deaf and lepers were healed during His ministry...why can't I be healed?  Sometimes I think I might lack the faith...and I ask Him to help me in my "unbelief".

Today I came across as scripture which I am trying to ponder and believe...
D&C 112:13 "And after their temptations, and much tribulation, behold, I, the Lord, will feel after them, and if they harden not their hearts, and stiffen not their necks against me, they shall be converted, and I will heal them."


I know that you can be healed!    
"Sometimes Heavenly Father sends people to us and uses them as instruments in his hands. Always have an open heart and an open mind. I know that through the Saviour you can be healed.

The Saviour can wrought mighty miracles as long as we have the faith and our heart is not hardened against his counsel. Remember God is not a respecter of persons and that it was Satan who told us that he would fool the world by mixing mans philosophy with scripture.

Any conditioning and habits that you have developed over the years can be overcome by your hard work. However you can be healed of the compulsions that cause you so much trouble by the help from a worthy priesthood holder and through our Lord and Saviour Jesus the Christ.

Good Luck and God Bless!"
posted at 06:42:51 on April 29, 2013 by Anonymous
"THIS post is why I come here. What you wrote is so powerful. Reading this was a reminder of the raw, humility that brings me to my Savior day after day, because I need him so much.

"Why Lord? Why? When I was too young to understand?"

"Is it real? Can healing really happen? Will I ever be whole again?"

We talk and talk a lot on this site. But the questions you are asking are the passionate personal cries in the dark that we have all experienced with our Savior. As we keep asking them I believe it is this searching that will give us the most powerful answers.

Thank you for sharing these deep and personal thoughts. They are a gift to all of us who have been there.

posted at 11:08:34 on May 1, 2013 by maddy

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"You lived with your Heavenly Father in a premortal life. You were there with Him. Your spirit knows what it is like to live in celestial realms. You can never be truly happy in an uncelestial environment. You know too much. That is one of the reasons that for you, wickedness never can be happiness. What a great thing it is to decide once and for all early in life what you will do and what you will not do with regards to honesty, modesty, chastity, the Word of Wisdom, and temple marriage. "

— Larry W. Gibbons

General Conference October 2006